These are just few of my favorite things

I had a great 2 years in the U.K. Life as a student is anyway super. The backdrop of awesome places like Keele and Manchester only add to the charm! Even though I never intended to stay on forever, now that I'm back almost 4 years, there's a few things I really really miss, and have strong cravings for sometimes! Off the top of my head, in no particular order...
"Full English breakfast" at Weatherspoons. 
Fried eggs with runny yolks, crisp bacon and baked beans. 
Sausages and mash. 
Heat and eat meals from MnS Food. 
Cheap wine. 
Carrot cake. 
Angel cake. 
Red velvet cake. 
ANY cake. 
Daylight at 8pm. 
Weeknights at KPA with friends. 
Cafeteria food. 
Weekly trips to grocery stores. 
10 trip bus tickets. 
Random £1 shopping. 
Trafford center and Arndale. 
Train journeys. 
Bus rides. 
Strangers holding the door for you.
Politeness.
Random kindness.
Huge tress with bright blossoms. 
Primark. Shoes. Dresses! 
Steak. 
Pubs. 
Doner and fries. 
Afghan food joints. 
Curry mile. 
Counselling at Beacon. 
London. 
Being alone. 
Random walks.
Iceland.
Christmas.
Autumn!
Frost. Snow.
Choice of alcohol.
Variety of cleaning stuff - wipes, sprays, mops...
Hot chocolate.

Uh oh..that's longer than I expected. Got to find a way to visit soon! :) 

Glorious summer

The day temperature has consistently been above 20degrees this week. It hasn't dipped much during the nights either. No overcast skies, no rain!!! For TEN days IN A ROW!!! So, though a little late, the 'glorious English summer' is finally here!! It's time for bright flowers, colourful clothes and loooooong days! Britain (or at least the parts of it that I've lived in) is never more colourful than these brief spells of summer! The only pity is that this awesome spectacle lasts for a very very short time*. Or perhaps, that is the beauty of it! B'coz honestly, I don't think I can stand orange, purple, red, green and yellow - together on one outfit - for much longer! ;)

My personal favourite bit about the summer here is seeing huge trees in full bloom. In contrast to the delicate flowers of spring and winter, there's something boisterous about summer flowers. They seem to be shouting out I'm-happy-and-I'm-gonna-show it! :D Or maybe it's just me ;) It's a riot of colours. And people seem to want to imitate nature. Another thing is the daylight! This is something that annoyed me in the beginning. WHY does it not get dark after 7?! But after darkness of the winter, the the never-ending summer days are a welcome change.

This is, in all probability, my last summer in this country. I will miss it for sure. I will miss seeing people celebrating a season like it's a mela :)


*How typical! The time between when I started composing this post and when I finally posted it, the summer has come and gone ;) It's been raining for the last few days :( But here's what the 'summer' was like. Hoping there's more to come!! 

I am more away than around this blog nowadays! Anyway, back from my busiest 'holiday' so far! Brother's wedding. I wasn't around for most part of the preps, but I am sure what I saw was the worst of the frenzy! Looking back, it was loaddddssssa fun :) Missing it now.

Now that I'm back, I am feeling unsettled all over again. The routine that I was hoping to achieve when I last wrote...well, far from it even now. I've been travelling up n down a lot. Keeps me occupied. Nothing very productive though. Feels as though I'm just spending a lot of energy and achieving nothing. Well, christmas will be here soon. And I hope the snow arrives sooner :) Probably my last winter in the UK. How I miss Dilli ki sardi!!!!!!

So far, I like my 'new life'. It's not fantabulously awesome. But it isn't rubbish either. I have way more free time than is healthy. And well, perhaps a smarter person would have put this to better use. Me? I find myself doing odd jobs around the house. I am a housewife without a husband!

Here, it's easy to forget what I'm really here for! 'Coz I do the "real" thing only once a week. For the other six days I cook, I clean, I reminisce... And between these random things, I don't even find time for an afternoon nap. Can you beat that! The only other thing that ever kept me from afternoon naps before this, was my full-time job. And even then I'd crave for a siesta. Not for the last few weeks though! Maybe it's too early to say. Maybe it'll only last till I 'settle into a routine'..?

But let's not go on a random tangent. What I was saying is this. I'm in the middle of a lot of change. And uncertainty. And adaptation. And growing up. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet!

Taking away a bit of Keele...

It's my last night in Keele. And probably, no one is interested in this...but it's been a whole year since I first got here. Wow.

I've grown to love this place. And not just my room or my block, but the campus. Which felt so alien and huge when I arrived. It's home now. Or at least, the first place where I've truly been 'on my own'. It was all that I wanted it to be. It was a place where I knew no one, where no one knew me. A place where there were no 'expectations'...no 'responsibilities'. Apart from my own. I wouldn't claim to have become any more responsible than I was before coming here. But I sure have learned to take care of myself. And value a lot of things lotttt more than I did earlier. Like family. Like being able to speak English mixed with Hindi. Like...no, let's not go there. It's a loooooong list. And in my head, it's already turning from a 'things I've learnt to value' list to a 'things I miss' list! This is where I discovered my love for cooking (contemplated doing a post on that about a million times but that never materialised!). This is where I first saw my snow :) This is a place of tonnes of memories. Of hangovers and laughing fits and tears...

So anyway, coming back to the point. Less than 24 hours, and I'll be gone. Gone for good. I'll still be 'abroad'...but that's a new chapter. Another step away from my newly developed comfort zone. No more late night walks around campus. No more mid-night trips to KPA. No more Select-n-Save. No more collecting post n parcels. I'm realllyyyy gonna miss it. But this is not the end. I am taking away a bit of Keele with me as I leave. The green, the wind...the winding roads, the vacant parking lots...even the perpetually-choked kitchen sink ;)

They were right. Love:Keele.

:)

I can't pack!

If ever there was a packing-and-moving aptitude test, I would fail miserably! I most definitely would! After spending an entire morning, and most afternoon packing, my room looks messier than ever...and believe me, that's not an easy standard to surpass!

In my head, everything was sorted. Four suitcases of different sizes...and a tiny room full of stuff accumulated over a year. How tough could it be, I'd thought. And since this morning, the universe, or whoever pulls these cheap tricks, seems so be chuckling in glee: 'this is how tough it can be'!

From where I stand now, it looks like I'll need a miracle if I want to move day after tomorrow. Miracles work right???

Amusement parks, really?

You must have heard of people's things-to-do-before-turning-30 lists. I don't really have one. In fact, I have a things-I-never-want-to-do-even-if-I-live-to-be-100 list! Yes, that's the sort of person I am. Lazy. Boring. And not the least bit thrill seeking!

So, no one was more surprised than I was when I went on some of the scariest rides in this amusement park called Alton Towers yesterday. I don't think they call them amusement parks anymore. 'Cause well, there isn't much that's amusing about them!! Appu ghar was an amusement park, yes. But Alton Towers? Nooo! Back to the point though...my decision to go on these life-threatening rides was shaped, not in any small amount, by recently having seen this movie called Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. That and a constant self-talk starting and ending with "darr ke aage jeet hai" is what saw me through it, to be very honest! And I would have been very proud of myself for some of the things I rode...if only I hadn't felt woozy n hungover for the whole day today!!! So in retrospect, it seems like such a waste!!

What surprised me is how there were hordes of people there who were loving every minute of those rides. What surprised me even more is that despite finding it extremely torturous, I went through with most of it! I still can't believe I did it...and I'm talking about weird roller coaster things that flip you upside down, hurtle you down a ninety degree drop and stuff like that! Basically what happened is that a person whose body is used to a leisurely - bordering on lethargic - existence was suddenly flung into this topsy-turvy frenzy...blood that has gotten used to complacently ambling around in slow cycles found itself rushing from head to toe to head and back again in a matter of seconds! I realized I have, as a friend of mine put it - "a slow heart". He meant weak, but slow fits the bill better! At the end of it, I was so shook up that on the bus back home, every time we went up or down a hill, I expected the bus to flip over n run in loops! No kidding!

Do you think I have lost it?

I'll tell you how I function...I come across something that I absolutely HAVE TO write about...jot down some of it in a diary...then type out a draft, and think it's really lame and leave it unpublished. When I come back to it a few days later, I can see what's wrong/missing...and it becomes a post. But for the last so many days, I seem to have come across nothing that I absolutely have to write about!! I still pushed myself into writing about something that seemed mildly interesting. Left it in draft state for days...weeks now...and it still seems so crappy!! I don't think I have that blog-y thing in me anymore! :( And like all other things I had thought I would enjoy, I am putting it off without any evident reason!

Oh but it isn't all glum! I recently went for an interview, and when asked what kind of books I liked, very matter-of-fact-ly admitted: Fiction. But they didn't stop at that! Next question: What sort of fiction? I was stumped! I couldn't possibly say chic-litt, could I? So I gave a broaaaadddd smile and said, at the risk of sounding silly, I like happy stories! Yes yes, I winced inwardly even as I said it. How can anyone say stuff like that in an interview? (Btw, it was only for a training placement...but I really really wanted it!!)

Have I told you before that I am the luckiest person I know? :D I got the position despite my daftness :)

p.s. LOOK at that! another meaningless post!!

It's funny how some seemingly insignificant things make such a difference! I just arranged my class notes and handouts in order today...and even though that's hardly an achievement, it's put me in a great mood :) Well, considering the fact that the last time I did it was sometime in the beginning of December does make it a sorta achievement ;)

Sometimes, all you need to do is to file things in a pretty ring binder. Sort your thoughts n put them away in a neat stack. Doesn't solve the problem. But makes things less overwhelming. Sometimes, that's all you can do. Maybe it is an attractive form of avoidance. I don't know. But it seems to have worked for me, for now. And the great believer in first steps that I am, this one's another way to an awesome start (even though in my case it's mostly well begun AND half done!).

Now that my thoughts are arranged (not sorted)...I know that I can come back to them when I am in the right frame of mind (or when I just have to deal with them...lol). It gives me a better perspective. What seemed messy just a while ago is now much more manageable!

embracing vulnerability

All that begins must come to an end...or at least change into something else. It is inevitable, right? Why, then, do goodbyes take us by surprise? Why is it so difficult to let go...to cope with change?

One of the reasons, for me, is the inability to come to terms with my vulnerability. I can't accept the fact that I feel so immensely vulnerable when someone leaves or when things change or look like they might...So, in order to not come across as clingy, I 'back-off before you have a chance to push me away'.

Being on this course has given me loads of opportunities to see get to know myself better. It's like having the spotlight focused not on, but within you...at all times. It does get overwhelming. Even a bit stressful at times. But largely, it is exhilarating. It is a heady feeling recognizing things about you that you knew all along but never really paid attention to...never realized what impact it was having on everything you did...

So, coming back to being vulnerable... We were shown this video in class a few weeks ago http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html and I hope you see it too...For me, it was one of those life changing things...like reading Who Moved My Cheese and The Alchemist...or like watching Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi.

I don't want to tell you what I got out of it...I don't want to contaminate what you could get out of it. But I really hope you watch it...and make sense of it in a way that works for you :)

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BUT, I will talk about it anyway (in the hope that you saw it before you read on..lol). One of the major things that came out of this for me was the realization about how strongly vulnerability was affecting the way I relate to everyone around me. How, I almost keep myself away from any 'risky' experience in order to 'protect' myself... and how this was in fact stemming from my fear of being 'unloved'. Like all other life-changing things I have stumbled across, this one has not transformed me into a new person overnight ;) But it has brought about a new awareness. So that now when I back off, I know what I am doing. And I try not to. It isn't a magical metamorphosis. It is definitely a move in a positive direction though...

It's one of the many wonderful things I have learnt while on this course. Wonderful, not painless. But I am thankful nevertheless.

Could it be true that what you do on the first day of the new year is indicative of how you will spend the remaining year?! In my case, it seems to be! I slept most of 1st Jan. Actually...it would be fair to say that I slept through most of Jan!! Not the gosh-its-cold-and-I'm-sick-sleep...but the awww-don't-I-just-looooooooove-sleeping-sleep!! Not good I tell you...not good at all! Specially when you have at least five deadlines zooming towards you at the speed of light!

Things got a little better after a full blown panic attack a few days ago. I feel more 'sorted'. (Actually, what does that mean? I've been saying that a lot! Maybe it's something I picked up in the counselling classes! haha). Motivation to complete the work still alludes me. But I'm getting there. Which is to say that instead of sleeping, I now watch movies and castle. So I'm definitely out of bed! And thanks to watching Social Network, I'm even more in love with Fb :D

Oh n did I tell you about my addiction to Gossip Girl?! One would have thought I had outgrown SweetValley-type stuff. Apparently not. I have just graduated to sleeker things! haha. Maybe you've already seen GG...maybe you loathe it (I did too, initially....but was hooked nevertheless!)...maybe you love it...despite the fact that everyone has slept with everyone (no exaggeration here), the people are good at heart! ;) Honestly! You have to see it to believe it!

Another year gone by...a decade's gone by in fact! And look at me succumbing to cliches...doing an 'year end' post no less! ;)

But try as much as I may, I can't really do 1...Why?

I am no good at this. I forget. Big Time!

Plus, this doesn't feel like the end of the year. I am in the middle of my year abroad! How can it feel like an end already? :P :P

Having said that, the last calender year has been 'happening'...to say the least. I had a bunch of firsts...including rad stuff like purple hair n tattoo on my back ;) A new relationship...love...rediscovering old friends... A new place and people. A better defined direction...and lots of ups and downs. I am 25. I am in a good place in life. And I have a million things to be thankful for. So let's keep it like that for now. I'll be back with the resolutions :)

Happy new year all of you!

First sight of snow

About a fortnight ago, I was pleasantly surprised to see that all the grass outside my house had turned a pale silver. It looked as though someone had made hours of painstaking effort to paint every single blade of grass (and all other surfaces)! it looked amazing! My first thought was, 'snow?!'...but that's not what it was. It was frost. And it made everything veryyyyyy pretty :) Everyone's always talking about the snow, how come no one mentioned frost in any positive context?! I was mesmerized by it! (So mesmerized, in fact, that I did not take a single picture!)

It made everything look so...edible!

A week or so passed quite uneventfully. On a Friday, I had some friends over...since the 'party' went on till late, I woke up only the next afternoon. And when I looked out, the sight was no short of breathtaking! I swear it was the most amazing sight ever! Frost has its own charm, but snow wins hands down! :) If ever there was a competition for "forms of precipitation/condensation/whatever-'water-appearing-on-earth'-is-called"...snow would be the clear winner!!

It looked magical! It isn't that I have never seen snow before. I have. But on all previous occasions, I had seen snow in hill stations - places where it was already there...places where it's been there for ages. But in Keele, I saw the landscape go from green to grey to a stunningly spectacular white! It is so personal you know! It is MY snow! :D

I was a li'l disappointed at having missed the first snowfall though...couldn't wait for it to snow again. And when it did...wow! If there's anything that beats the frothy-white that covers everything in sight, it is the beautiful candyfloss-ish tufts of snow descending from the sky. It is magic! It really is!!!

People here talk about the snow being a nuisance and a safety hazard and all that...my sympathies with all those who have to drive through the bad weather. But I don't have to! ;) So might as well enjoy it before I succumb to the characteristic cynicism of the human race! Can't wait for it to snow again :D Snow fight, anyone? :D