Jun 18, 2011

life after death...and stuff like that

I'm in one of my gyaan-dispensing moods right now. So, indulge me for a bit, won't you? What happens when we die? Do you think we 'live on'? Or is it just game over! I wonder what it would be like to be dead. I'm in no hurry to find out of course ;) But just wondering...will I just stop existing? Will I get to see how people react when I'm gone? Or would it be better to not be able to see? Will I be allowed to hang around as a spirit? For how long? How will it be decided what or where I am in my next life? Do you think I'll have a choice? Do you think I'll get to meet God? I think it's only fair to expect that! What about the soul...does it have a memory? Will mine remember all the things I have been before? Or will I just be a blob with no past?

For me, an ideal dead situation would be...going into a world where I get to meet all the people I know who are now dead. Like a reunion of sorts. At least for a few years...or whatever unit time is measured in in that world...Then we can all move on. But what if they have already served their time in the in between world by the time I arrive?! That would be such a shame!!

Thing is, I won't really know till I'm dead. What I'm trying to get at is this...we waste so much time plotting and planning for the future that it's easy to lose sight of the present. I know you've heard it a million times in a million different ways...live like there's no tomorrow, make most of today, etc etc.

But you still spend hours and days worrying yourself over the future. I know I do. It looms like a dark cloud over everything. And I find myself making choices on the basis of what would be best for 2, 3, 5 years later. Sure no harm in planning for tomorrow, but is it more important than right now? The weirdest part is, the future may or may not happen. I might get hit by a car tomorrow (if I get out of the house!). Or get buried in this very building in the next 5 minutes (chances of this being higher coz of all the newly-free-for-hols undergrads running around all the time!). Who knows! But there's no denying the fact that I have this moment.

So, what's the point of all this ranting? Nothing :) Absolutely nothing. I wanted to spend my present writing a blog post. And I just did. What do you want to do with this moment? :)

Jun 4, 2011

what if...

What if you find what you have been looking for? What if the search that seemed to last a lifetime came to an end? What if it isn’t what you thought it would be like? What if, after all this effort, you feel even more lost than before?

There you are

my precious one!

The moment I set my eyes on you,

I knew.

I knew there’s no going back

Comforts, I gave up.

Shade and rest

have become strangers to me.

But the sight of you, my precious one,

and I know this is where I want to be.

I have spent night after night

dreaming of your sweet face.

Braved all odds

to reach you here.

Seeing you, having you

guided my life

ruled my being.

I know of nothing else

but this strife.

This unquenched thirst

to have you my precious one.

But why does it feel this way?

Why is your lovely face

lined with worry, with doubt?

You are just as I had imagined,

but not quite.

What is it that’s not right?

What is it that stops me?

Stops you...

What holds us back?

Why does my tiredness

seem to clench my bones?

Why does your face

look like it doesn’t know?

Did I give up too much?

Did I give it up in vain?

Can you not feel my pain?

I long for one look.

One look of acceptance.

Or at least a flicker of recognition in your eyes.

But it doesn’t come.

I feel my feet give way,

feel my body crumble,

and my soul sink.

I feel it all

when I see you turn and walk away.

And then...I feel nothing at all.