Don 2

I don't like watching movies with violence and destruction. It is so not cool! Even if it has Shahrukh Khan in it! Saw Don 2 today. It didn't have much of a plot/story/whatever. Coming from Farhan Akhtar, extremely disappointing. There is no dearth of entertainment here. But then, it is no better than a Govinda or Salman Khan movie. Zero sense.

But all said and done, Shahrukh Khan is mighty endearing! Even as the villain :D Despite being the bad guy, you want him to get away with it. I was glad that the other baddies got 'punished'. At the same time, I was sooo relieved that Don survived ;)
Found that Roma chick highlyyyyyyy irritating. What's her problem anyway? Between her Becket-esque super cop act n SRK morphing into Hrithik Roshan, the movie kinda lost me!

It is still awesome to watch a movie on the big screen. Happy times continue :)

Don't you just *love* a movie that makes you want to write?!

Having spent what seems like an eternity on the down-swing of that most unpredictable of things - mood swing - it feels great to finally be up again! :D And what brought me here? As I stand here accepting my good-mood-award, I'd like to thank good food, a happy movie and last but not the least, my hormones! (They do know how to play one hell of a havoc with your life, don't they?)

So well, the (latest) movie that I've been smitten by is I Don't Know How She Does It. Sarah Jessica Parker n Pierce Brosnan! I must admit that I've been living a super dull routine lately. Can't blame anyone but myself for it! Oh wait, I can blame those ghastly hormones, can't I? Don't I just LOVE being a woman!!? haha

As you can tell, I am in a manic phase right now. So it is a little difficult to stay to the point. But I will try. The point is, the movie was such a feel-good-smiles-n-awws kind! I don't have anything to say about the movie as such. Apart from the fact that I am so sooooo grateful for not being blue any more!

If it's all about living the moment, we need more movies like this one :)

Happy holidays everyone :)

Oh wait! I started out this post thinking of how I have 'grown' in my choice of entertainment...but well, that will have to wait till the mania subsides to a more manageable euphoria!

Life is short

Life is short. Live it now.
The distant tomorrow may never come.
The next day might not dawn either.
All you have is this moment.
Live it. Now.

Life is short. Live it now.
Don't wait for a better time.
There might not be any.
Don't hope for a second chance.
It might have gone already.
All your dreams, your hopes and your wishes,
live them now,
there may be no tomorrow.

If you love them, tell them now.
If you are angry,
forgive now.
If you have hurt them,
ask for forgiveness.
Do it now,
for that's all that you've got.

Life comes to an end.
That's something you know.
The time to be happy,
the time to make amends,
it is now.
For that's all that you've got.

You never know,
if tomorrow brings with it
the familiar faces, sights and sounds.
Sometimes all you are left with
are unanswered questions.
Why-me and what-if
are all you have got.

Life is short.
It comes to an end.
Live it today.
Live, now.

A writers' block that's lasted forever!

Why do I write? Why does anybody write? There must be a zillion reasons why. For me, the underlying reason, every single time, is when I have something to say. I've talked earlier about how I go about writing a post...and how I had a lot of ideas but none of them seemed to materialize into a post lately. But that was then. Recently, it seems like that place which triggered ideas for posts..or which reacted to things enough to want to write about them, has dried up... There have been no 'ideas' in what seems like forever! But I want to write!!!! Needless to say, I love writing. Always have. And not doing it for so long...coming back to a blog which is as good as dead, is no fun at all!!! So this morning I decided, enough already! Let's not sugar-coat the laziness by calling it a block. Lemme get over it. It's high time!!!!

So, here I am, nursing my writers'..ummm laziness ;) Pardon me if I sound repetitive. Or even a little rusted. I'm trying to get back into the groooove...whatever that means!! hahaha

Be back with a real post soon

xxx

I am more away than around this blog nowadays! Anyway, back from my busiest 'holiday' so far! Brother's wedding. I wasn't around for most part of the preps, but I am sure what I saw was the worst of the frenzy! Looking back, it was loaddddssssa fun :) Missing it now.

Now that I'm back, I am feeling unsettled all over again. The routine that I was hoping to achieve when I last wrote...well, far from it even now. I've been travelling up n down a lot. Keeps me occupied. Nothing very productive though. Feels as though I'm just spending a lot of energy and achieving nothing. Well, christmas will be here soon. And I hope the snow arrives sooner :) Probably my last winter in the UK. How I miss Dilli ki sardi!!!!!!

So far, I like my 'new life'. It's not fantabulously awesome. But it isn't rubbish either. I have way more free time than is healthy. And well, perhaps a smarter person would have put this to better use. Me? I find myself doing odd jobs around the house. I am a housewife without a husband!

Here, it's easy to forget what I'm really here for! 'Coz I do the "real" thing only once a week. For the other six days I cook, I clean, I reminisce... And between these random things, I don't even find time for an afternoon nap. Can you beat that! The only other thing that ever kept me from afternoon naps before this, was my full-time job. And even then I'd crave for a siesta. Not for the last few weeks though! Maybe it's too early to say. Maybe it'll only last till I 'settle into a routine'..?

But let's not go on a random tangent. What I was saying is this. I'm in the middle of a lot of change. And uncertainty. And adaptation. And growing up. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet!

Taking away a bit of Keele...

It's my last night in Keele. And probably, no one is interested in this...but it's been a whole year since I first got here. Wow.

I've grown to love this place. And not just my room or my block, but the campus. Which felt so alien and huge when I arrived. It's home now. Or at least, the first place where I've truly been 'on my own'. It was all that I wanted it to be. It was a place where I knew no one, where no one knew me. A place where there were no 'expectations'...no 'responsibilities'. Apart from my own. I wouldn't claim to have become any more responsible than I was before coming here. But I sure have learned to take care of myself. And value a lot of things lotttt more than I did earlier. Like family. Like being able to speak English mixed with Hindi. Like...no, let's not go there. It's a loooooong list. And in my head, it's already turning from a 'things I've learnt to value' list to a 'things I miss' list! This is where I discovered my love for cooking (contemplated doing a post on that about a million times but that never materialised!). This is where I first saw my snow :) This is a place of tonnes of memories. Of hangovers and laughing fits and tears...

So anyway, coming back to the point. Less than 24 hours, and I'll be gone. Gone for good. I'll still be 'abroad'...but that's a new chapter. Another step away from my newly developed comfort zone. No more late night walks around campus. No more mid-night trips to KPA. No more Select-n-Save. No more collecting post n parcels. I'm realllyyyy gonna miss it. But this is not the end. I am taking away a bit of Keele with me as I leave. The green, the wind...the winding roads, the vacant parking lots...even the perpetually-choked kitchen sink ;)

They were right. Love:Keele.

:)

I can't pack!

If ever there was a packing-and-moving aptitude test, I would fail miserably! I most definitely would! After spending an entire morning, and most afternoon packing, my room looks messier than ever...and believe me, that's not an easy standard to surpass!

In my head, everything was sorted. Four suitcases of different sizes...and a tiny room full of stuff accumulated over a year. How tough could it be, I'd thought. And since this morning, the universe, or whoever pulls these cheap tricks, seems so be chuckling in glee: 'this is how tough it can be'!

From where I stand now, it looks like I'll need a miracle if I want to move day after tomorrow. Miracles work right???

i have neither the inclination, nor the skill for a political commentary. this is more of a personal rant.

i just came across some *highly* irritating stuff. infuriating even! despite all my reservations about anna hazare's mode of agitation, i feel sorry for the man after hearing what the imam of jama masjid had to say about it! he's "upset" coz muslims haven't been included in the movement! HUH? Wtf! Ye koi Hazare ke ghar ka function hai ki kisi ko invitation nahi mila toh bura maan gaye???! Utter nonsense. It's people like him that feed stereotypes about muslims. none of the muslim people i know are hung up on being a minority.

makes me wonder to what level the so called religious heads would stoop to maintain their position of power!!

Nothing beats a good protest

They are all talking about Anna Hazare and the Lok Pal bill...they are discussing fighting corruption like never before. It's all over twitter and facebook. For once, I'm glad to be spared the TV and newspaper coverage. But the drama is hard to miss. Almost everyone seems to be supporting Hazare.

Everyone has an opinion. Everyone should. Sign of a thinking society and all that. But (of course there's a but!), are we thinking? Or are we just jumping on the bandwagon? Is supporting the JanLokPal the new "in" thing? I was feeling kinda left out so read it up last night! This isn't about my opinion on it though. This is about me wondering what this is all about. Remember how, when the attack in Bombay happened, everyone was all gung-ho about making a difference...about preventing another such carnage. That more or less fizzled out, didn't it? Pardon me for being a sceptic, but I refuse to get carried away this time.

How about focusing on ourselves for a change? Yes, the political class is corrupt. But so are you. That does not justify their misuse of power. But neither does supporting Hazare absolve you of your responsibility. All I am saying is, if you think this is a cause worth supporting, stand for it by all means. But don't just follow someone blindly. What if he decides to call off the protest tomorrow? Will you call off yours too?

P.S. Just for the record, I'm quite uneasy about blackmail through fasting.

On blocks

OR

What comes to your mind first when you think 'block'? Do you think of roadblocks or building blocks? Do you think of being blocked by something, or feeling blocked because of nothing?

Amusement parks, really?

You must have heard of people's things-to-do-before-turning-30 lists. I don't really have one. In fact, I have a things-I-never-want-to-do-even-if-I-live-to-be-100 list! Yes, that's the sort of person I am. Lazy. Boring. And not the least bit thrill seeking!

So, no one was more surprised than I was when I went on some of the scariest rides in this amusement park called Alton Towers yesterday. I don't think they call them amusement parks anymore. 'Cause well, there isn't much that's amusing about them!! Appu ghar was an amusement park, yes. But Alton Towers? Nooo! Back to the point though...my decision to go on these life-threatening rides was shaped, not in any small amount, by recently having seen this movie called Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. That and a constant self-talk starting and ending with "darr ke aage jeet hai" is what saw me through it, to be very honest! And I would have been very proud of myself for some of the things I rode...if only I hadn't felt woozy n hungover for the whole day today!!! So in retrospect, it seems like such a waste!!

What surprised me is how there were hordes of people there who were loving every minute of those rides. What surprised me even more is that despite finding it extremely torturous, I went through with most of it! I still can't believe I did it...and I'm talking about weird roller coaster things that flip you upside down, hurtle you down a ninety degree drop and stuff like that! Basically what happened is that a person whose body is used to a leisurely - bordering on lethargic - existence was suddenly flung into this topsy-turvy frenzy...blood that has gotten used to complacently ambling around in slow cycles found itself rushing from head to toe to head and back again in a matter of seconds! I realized I have, as a friend of mine put it - "a slow heart". He meant weak, but slow fits the bill better! At the end of it, I was so shook up that on the bus back home, every time we went up or down a hill, I expected the bus to flip over n run in loops! No kidding!

life after death...and stuff like that

I'm in one of my gyaan-dispensing moods right now. So, indulge me for a bit, won't you? What happens when we die? Do you think we 'live on'? Or is it just game over! I wonder what it would be like to be dead. I'm in no hurry to find out of course ;) But just wondering...will I just stop existing? Will I get to see how people react when I'm gone? Or would it be better to not be able to see? Will I be allowed to hang around as a spirit? For how long? How will it be decided what or where I am in my next life? Do you think I'll have a choice? Do you think I'll get to meet God? I think it's only fair to expect that! What about the soul...does it have a memory? Will mine remember all the things I have been before? Or will I just be a blob with no past?

For me, an ideal dead situation would be...going into a world where I get to meet all the people I know who are now dead. Like a reunion of sorts. At least for a few years...or whatever unit time is measured in in that world...Then we can all move on. But what if they have already served their time in the in between world by the time I arrive?! That would be such a shame!!

Thing is, I won't really know till I'm dead. What I'm trying to get at is this...we waste so much time plotting and planning for the future that it's easy to lose sight of the present. I know you've heard it a million times in a million different ways...live like there's no tomorrow, make most of today, etc etc.

But you still spend hours and days worrying yourself over the future. I know I do. It looms like a dark cloud over everything. And I find myself making choices on the basis of what would be best for 2, 3, 5 years later. Sure no harm in planning for tomorrow, but is it more important than right now? The weirdest part is, the future may or may not happen. I might get hit by a car tomorrow (if I get out of the house!). Or get buried in this very building in the next 5 minutes (chances of this being higher coz of all the newly-free-for-hols undergrads running around all the time!). Who knows! But there's no denying the fact that I have this moment.

So, what's the point of all this ranting? Nothing :) Absolutely nothing. I wanted to spend my present writing a blog post. And I just did. What do you want to do with this moment? :)

what if...

What if you find what you have been looking for? What if the search that seemed to last a lifetime came to an end? What if it isn’t what you thought it would be like? What if, after all this effort, you feel even more lost than before?

There you are

my precious one!

The moment I set my eyes on you,

I knew.

I knew there’s no going back

Comforts, I gave up.

Shade and rest

have become strangers to me.

But the sight of you, my precious one,

and I know this is where I want to be.

I have spent night after night

dreaming of your sweet face.

Braved all odds

to reach you here.

Seeing you, having you

guided my life

ruled my being.

I know of nothing else

but this strife.

This unquenched thirst

to have you my precious one.

But why does it feel this way?

Why is your lovely face

lined with worry, with doubt?

You are just as I had imagined,

but not quite.

What is it that’s not right?

What is it that stops me?

Stops you...

What holds us back?

Why does my tiredness

seem to clench my bones?

Why does your face

look like it doesn’t know?

Did I give up too much?

Did I give it up in vain?

Can you not feel my pain?

I long for one look.

One look of acceptance.

Or at least a flicker of recognition in your eyes.

But it doesn’t come.

I feel my feet give way,

feel my body crumble,

and my soul sink.

I feel it all

when I see you turn and walk away.

And then...I feel nothing at all.

Do you think I have lost it?

I'll tell you how I function...I come across something that I absolutely HAVE TO write about...jot down some of it in a diary...then type out a draft, and think it's really lame and leave it unpublished. When I come back to it a few days later, I can see what's wrong/missing...and it becomes a post. But for the last so many days, I seem to have come across nothing that I absolutely have to write about!! I still pushed myself into writing about something that seemed mildly interesting. Left it in draft state for days...weeks now...and it still seems so crappy!! I don't think I have that blog-y thing in me anymore! :( And like all other things I had thought I would enjoy, I am putting it off without any evident reason!

Oh but it isn't all glum! I recently went for an interview, and when asked what kind of books I liked, very matter-of-fact-ly admitted: Fiction. But they didn't stop at that! Next question: What sort of fiction? I was stumped! I couldn't possibly say chic-litt, could I? So I gave a broaaaadddd smile and said, at the risk of sounding silly, I like happy stories! Yes yes, I winced inwardly even as I said it. How can anyone say stuff like that in an interview? (Btw, it was only for a training placement...but I really really wanted it!!)

Have I told you before that I am the luckiest person I know? :D I got the position despite my daftness :)

p.s. LOOK at that! another meaningless post!!

It's that time again...I am nearing the end of another academic year/course...and like always, not very sure of 'what next'. Seems like every time I resolve this issue, it comes back with greater force! Well, to be fair I haven't really been resolving it, more like finding ways for putting off the resolution...or final decision or whatever you want to call it!

I'm in a happy place right now...no need for anyone to know any of this, but I haven't blogged for ages...n since I have piles of work waiting to be completed, this seems like the perfect time to get back to the blog! :D

So well...what DO i blog about?! I haven't read anything in a long long time...haven't seen any new movies (saw August Rush a while ago n lovvvveeeddd it to bits!)...haven't really felt like writing about anything...umm...maybe i'll come back some other time! Till then...!

I love surprises. It doesn't matter whether it's big or small...whether it's a material object or a gesture or a surprise visit...what makes surprises so special is that they make me feel special. The joy of knowing that someone cares enough for that smile of yours...of knowing that they made an effort to put together something just to see the look on your face :)

I have been blessed with more than my fair share of surprises. My first memory of a surprise was when I was 8 or 9 I think. I have always loved animals. Always wanted a pet. And like most parents, mine wouldn't let me have one. So I had to settle by 'adopting' stray pups and kittens. To be honest I hardly adopted, but was adopted by them! They were fulfilling my need to love animals...I wasn't really doing much for them, apart from an occasional saucer of milk or slice of bread...Anyway, coming back to my first surprise...

It was during one of the summer holidays, most of which I spent at my nani's in Mulund. Those were fun times. With cousin nanis, nanas, mamas n maasis living close by. Me and my brother spent a lot of time at their places. The adulation was hard to pass...we were the only grandchildren for a long long time :D So, on one such day, close to the end of hols, we went to my cousin nana's place in the evening. Just like that. (when did i stop going to people's places JLT?!..it used to be so effortless!) And he asked me to go to the kitchen, to see if I found anything 'different'. Given my bleak observation skills, it was no surprise that I found nothing different. But I was more curious as a child than I am now, so I was just snooping through the things kept on the counter...and guess what I saw in one vessel?!?!?! There, swimming timidly in a huge steel bowl was a beautiful little tortoise!!!!! He'd bought it for me! You can't imagine how I felt at that moment! Or maybe you can...

The point is...he died today. And I'm reminded of all the awesome things he did. Not just the tortoise incident (which, BTW was a HUGE milestone in my life)...I feel swept under a wave of nostalgia. So many parts n people from my childhood are no more....the change feels overwhelming.

It's funny how some seemingly insignificant things make such a difference! I just arranged my class notes and handouts in order today...and even though that's hardly an achievement, it's put me in a great mood :) Well, considering the fact that the last time I did it was sometime in the beginning of December does make it a sorta achievement ;)

Sometimes, all you need to do is to file things in a pretty ring binder. Sort your thoughts n put them away in a neat stack. Doesn't solve the problem. But makes things less overwhelming. Sometimes, that's all you can do. Maybe it is an attractive form of avoidance. I don't know. But it seems to have worked for me, for now. And the great believer in first steps that I am, this one's another way to an awesome start (even though in my case it's mostly well begun AND half done!).

Now that my thoughts are arranged (not sorted)...I know that I can come back to them when I am in the right frame of mind (or when I just have to deal with them...lol). It gives me a better perspective. What seemed messy just a while ago is now much more manageable!

you are not around

but your fragrance lingers on

i can't see you

but your presence is not gone

physical distances hurt

but they don't feel real

love is my reality

i feel it every time i breathe

you worry that i will

go away one day

don't you see

i am here to stay

i have become a part of you

as you became mine

and that can't be taken away

even if we try

embracing vulnerability

All that begins must come to an end...or at least change into something else. It is inevitable, right? Why, then, do goodbyes take us by surprise? Why is it so difficult to let go...to cope with change?

One of the reasons, for me, is the inability to come to terms with my vulnerability. I can't accept the fact that I feel so immensely vulnerable when someone leaves or when things change or look like they might...So, in order to not come across as clingy, I 'back-off before you have a chance to push me away'.

Being on this course has given me loads of opportunities to see get to know myself better. It's like having the spotlight focused not on, but within you...at all times. It does get overwhelming. Even a bit stressful at times. But largely, it is exhilarating. It is a heady feeling recognizing things about you that you knew all along but never really paid attention to...never realized what impact it was having on everything you did...

So, coming back to being vulnerable... We were shown this video in class a few weeks ago http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html and I hope you see it too...For me, it was one of those life changing things...like reading Who Moved My Cheese and The Alchemist...or like watching Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi.

I don't want to tell you what I got out of it...I don't want to contaminate what you could get out of it. But I really hope you watch it...and make sense of it in a way that works for you :)

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

BUT, I will talk about it anyway (in the hope that you saw it before you read on..lol). One of the major things that came out of this for me was the realization about how strongly vulnerability was affecting the way I relate to everyone around me. How, I almost keep myself away from any 'risky' experience in order to 'protect' myself... and how this was in fact stemming from my fear of being 'unloved'. Like all other life-changing things I have stumbled across, this one has not transformed me into a new person overnight ;) But it has brought about a new awareness. So that now when I back off, I know what I am doing. And I try not to. It isn't a magical metamorphosis. It is definitely a move in a positive direction though...

It's one of the many wonderful things I have learnt while on this course. Wonderful, not painless. But I am thankful nevertheless.

my theory of life

ok this isn't really a theory. but u weren't expecting one anyway, right? ;) this post is more like my very own compilation of beliefs about life n people...but that doesn't sound so great for a title, does it? hehe

Life is precious. It's a one-time experience, at least as the person you are right now (yes, I believe wholeheartedly in Karz and OSO), so try and make the most of it. Like, I consider it almost criminal to be callous about it!

Everything happens for a good reason. Everything. We don't always know the reasons right away. Sometimes, we never know the reasons. But God does...or the 'universe', if you please. And it doesn't owe you an explanation :P So, even though you might think Uday Chopra made a huge mistake by becoming an actor, there is most definitely a good reason in it (I never promised to not be random!)

Miracles happen. This could actually be a subpoint of the all-for-a-reason tenet. Miracles are actually just things happening in reaction to something you have totally forgotten about, so it seems like a miracle in the present! How do I explain....See, for instance you might think your girlfriend forgiving you for being a pig is a miracle (yes I'm sexist too), but it is actually only 'coz she has done...no no, this isn't going well. Find your own example!

The world is made up of good and bad in almost equal measure. There are as many good people out there as there are absolute creeps. Also, each one of us, has both good and evil within. What we unleash is a matter of choice and also a matter of what kinda people we are around.

I'm sorta done ranting for tonight. I didn't go beyond 3 beliefs?! What a shame! My laziness will be the end of me!

Could it be true that what you do on the first day of the new year is indicative of how you will spend the remaining year?! In my case, it seems to be! I slept most of 1st Jan. Actually...it would be fair to say that I slept through most of Jan!! Not the gosh-its-cold-and-I'm-sick-sleep...but the awww-don't-I-just-looooooooove-sleeping-sleep!! Not good I tell you...not good at all! Specially when you have at least five deadlines zooming towards you at the speed of light!

Things got a little better after a full blown panic attack a few days ago. I feel more 'sorted'. (Actually, what does that mean? I've been saying that a lot! Maybe it's something I picked up in the counselling classes! haha). Motivation to complete the work still alludes me. But I'm getting there. Which is to say that instead of sleeping, I now watch movies and castle. So I'm definitely out of bed! And thanks to watching Social Network, I'm even more in love with Fb :D

Oh n did I tell you about my addiction to Gossip Girl?! One would have thought I had outgrown SweetValley-type stuff. Apparently not. I have just graduated to sleeker things! haha. Maybe you've already seen GG...maybe you loathe it (I did too, initially....but was hooked nevertheless!)...maybe you love it...despite the fact that everyone has slept with everyone (no exaggeration here), the people are good at heart! ;) Honestly! You have to see it to believe it!