if i shut my mind and don't let myself think

if i pretend that there is lots to do and hardly any time

then the pain doesn't seem so bad...it is negligible.

it's almost as if nothing happened

i've been trying

and i am getting better

at fooling myself into believing that everything is okay

but if i drop my guard for even a moment

the flood of emotions is too overpowering...

i'm doing quite well

if i say so myself

maybe, if i try a lil harder, i will forget about the pain.

Let's start with a basic premise - I am an idiot. I accept it full-fledgedly. And I was duped outta good two hundred rupees. Out of sheer foolishness on my part. Here's how.

I was parking my car in some lane this afternoon. When two girls, maybe a couple of years younger than me, came up with a wicker basket full of 10 rupee notes just when I was getting outta the car. So these sweet young girls tell me that they are collecting money for chadhao-ing on Ajmer sharif. I kinda liked them (do Not ask why!) so decided to humor them by handing over a tenner. Dus rupaye dene se kya farak padta hai na vaise bhi.
So anyway, the one who was holding a basket then told me that I should give 2 notes out of which one she will hand me back immediately. I did so. After which she said I should give a bigger denomination note. I gave a hundred rupee note. (I am smartness personified!)... To which she objected saying I should hand two notes of the same denomination at the same time. Since I had had enough of it (or so I thought) I told them to buzz off. And she got all serious and said stuff like 'Baba aankhein le lega' n the like. I am usually not a superstitious person. But I didn't want to take chances (which makes me a superstitious person now!). I handed over another 100 note. And then she said, 'ye paise hum dargah pe chadhaenge, aur tumhe dugune hokar milenege'. I was totally miffed by then! I was like, what-the-hell! Gimme back my money! And she went on with more scary stuff about how 'baba' would not forgive me if i didn't give 'hastey hastey'. And you know what?! I did not say anything. I am such an idiot!!!
I don't know if it's just me, or do these things happen otherwise as well. All of you, please don;t stop to chat up people like that. It's unfair. It's cheap. And God most definitely doesn't want money outta cheating! If only I had thought of this earlier! :(
Now that I think of what really happened in those 2 minutes...I wonder what made me give in so easily. Was it their charm? Or just my inability to be assertive? I could have raised an alarm. It was just a couple of puny girls. Why didn't I? And I never even give anything to people who are begging on the signals. What was I thinking!

"Power in all relationships lies with the one who cares less...but power is not happiness"

-Connor Mead (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, 2009)



Movies are so typical sometimes. They feed you the same mush, one way or the other. But sometimes...it still moves me. Like the lines above.

Hollow or shallow?

What's worse...hollow or shallow? Shallow sounds still manageable...it's more like a beginning. You could graduate to 'deep'. Not necessarily, but there's still a chance! But hollow is something that's....something that hurts. Like, something that used to have substance starts hollowing out. Something that used to be good starts going bad from within.
I've been thinking of these two in terms of relationships. Lately, certain relations have turned out to be pretty shallow. That felt weird for a day. But i'm okay with it. It's a no-big-deal situation. Certain others seem to have become hollow. Not suddenly. Pretty gradual actually. But it's much much worse. Now that realization has finally dawned, it seems irreversible. I know it isn't. Maybe i can make things better. What if i don't want to?! What if 'making things okay' is just a pattern? What if it is like a temporary filling in the hollowness which eventually wears out...And makes the relationship worse? Like the way they fill up potholes on our roads?
I'd take shallow over hollow i think. What about you?

Sid from Wake Up Sid is by far the Most lovable movie character till date (and the fact that RK is lookin so hot throughout just adds to his charm!). He is just so supremely adorable! He's even nicer than Aditya Kashyap of Jab We Met...or all the Prems and Rajs... In comparison, even Oliver from A Lot Like Love and Noah from The Notebook seem pale! Just imagine!!
He's eyecandy... but isn't perfect. He has his own flaws. Each more endearing than the other in my opinion ;) And he seems so real. And unreal at the same time! Like, he is too good to be true. But he isn't this always-right-goodboy-person either. Neither is he the stereotypical 'bad-guy' that girls are 'supoosed to' fall for. What I liked best about him, I think, is the fact that he is a Nice person. Awwwww :)

As for the movie, pretty well made yaa! Looks lovely (Thank you Karan Johar). And the direction n all that is in place too. So the story flows pretty smoothly without any major glitches. And the music if FAB!!!!! What's even better is that it totally fits in the movie. Goes with the mood of the story completely! Couldn't help comparing this with Love Aaj Kal (another movie with fab music) though! In that one, the songs seem like such a waste!! I mean, ajj din chadheya was like MAJOR bummer in the movie man!! Anyhoo...! Wake Up Sid does full justice to everything. Very 'paisa vasool' as they call it ;) Kept me in a euphoric mood for quite a while. Been in a happy-bubble since last night. hehe... Feel good movie of the year. Though minus the usual mush. Near perfect blend of fantasy n fact. Louved it. You must've guessed as much by now ;)

Goonja sa hai koi iktara iktara
Goonja sa hai koi iktara.... :)

Doordarshan turned 50 today! How cool is that! But I've always thought of DD as being oooooold.....so 50 is kinda young na? Byomkesh Bakshi n Buniyad were my favs from the 'olden days'
What were yours?!

You mess up my mind
You play with my thoughts
You sweep me off my feet
You take my breath away
But the exhiliration dies too soon
You leave me all alone
In the middle of the song
Clutching my heart in my fist
I wait for the next time
Not knowing if it will come at all
I curse myself for letting you do that to me
For letting you mess with my mind!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsuGpBSSyvQ

This sounds justtttttttt like Pusa road. Pehle wala! Doesn't it? Doesn't it??!!!

First job. First day at work. Not very eventful. And since I had a lot of time to think, I couldn’t refrain from drawing comparisons between Swan and the current place. At Swan, I was an intern. And all my anxieties apart, I was not really “responsible” for much. Here, I am an EMPLOYEE. The word has such an ominous ring to it! And I am not ‘sitting on the fence’ anymore…I am a part of the circus!
A major difference…is that I did not get a panic attack imagining all sorts of worst case scenarios about what the people would be like, since Bunny’s there! :-) So, I was unusually at ease on my very first day. She’s been filling me in abt the official and unofficial details. After being stranded all alone for the training, it’s great to have someone around. Someone with whom I don’t have to go through the colleague>>acquaintance>>friend routine before getting comfy with. So, YAY for Bunny! :)
Things I miss about Swan, which I think every office needs…a) a clean loo …this one is downright dingy! Uggghhhhh b) windows! It rained today and I couldn’t see it! The office is in the basement…I didn’t even KNOW that it was raining. Major bummer!! c) Balcony/ terrace. There HAS to be a place where ppl can chill without going out of office. I want balcony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One big difference here is, though no one claims to be passionate about what they are doing (which is not to say they R’nt!), they don’t crib either. And they don’t pack up their bags n leave as soon as office time is up. Wow. At six, I had to use a huge amount of self-restrain to not leave. Just b’coz no one else was! Haha
These are my initial thoughts however and I would be glad to consider other options. Lol.

For the last two months, I’ve been on a looooong break. Almost immediately after the final exams. It’s been a great vacation. And mostly, I’ve had a great time ;)
I want to do a day-wise thingy for the euro trip…at least the first 10 days n the convocation (doesn’t leave out much then!). But I know me. And I’m too lazy for all this…Still, I’ll give it a shot.

This particular trip had First-Time-Ever written all over it. First time abroad. And all the firsts associated with it – change in time-zone, jet-lag (or the lack of it), a convocation ceremony (though not mine), pubs in oxford (or anywhere for that matter!), and basically being in a “foreign” place.

The flight to London was good. I got a little impatient coz I’ve never sat in a plane for more than two-n-half hours. But I got to see Kismat Konnection. So I was happy. Hehe. Being the only one among the four of us who was literally stepping outta India for the very first time, I knew that a lotta gyaan was gonna come my way all the time. I took it pretty well too. Well, for almost the entire journey. But more about that later.

I had white wine onboard. It wasn't very nice. And my dad's coke looked so much better in comparison!! So I had coke on the way back..n it was too little compared to the drinks the others had! life just isn't fair!!! ha!
more later...laziness has set in :)

I've been away from the blog for ages now!! For a bit I had just lost interest. And then I didn't get the time!!
Now that I'm (almost)back from a near perfect holiday, I'm gonna be writing a lot. Or so I think :)

एक ओस की बून्द,

एक घास का तिनका,

हैं तो बहुत छोटे

पर क्या समझते हो मोल इनका ?

हवा के झोंकों में झूमते हुए पेड़

धूप का स्पर्श, बादलों की रेल .

छोटी छोटी चीज़ें

जो शायद अनदेखी हो जाएं,

रोज़ की भाग दौड़ में

चिडिया और कोयल किसे याद आए?

बड़े की आस को ग़लत नही मानती

लेकिन फिर भी

मैं इतना हूँ जानती,

एक एक बूँद से ही सागर है बनता,

नन्ही कलियों से गुलशन है खिलता .

तो छूना अगर है आसमान,

तो यह न भूलो

सदियों पर भी रहता है

हर छोटे पल का पहरा.

तो हर पल का मोल जानो

छोटी-छोटी बातों में छिपी

बड़ी खुशियों को पहचानो .

Voting

It’s really nice that voting is the new cool thing this year. Most people are quite upbeat that they are gonna vote/ have voted. I like the enthusiasm. I like the optimism.

But just a word of caution…amidst all the ‘jaago re’ hoopla, don’t forget that voting is just one step. It’s not the be-all-n-end-all of all our problems. No matter what these awareness campaigns say, “ek sahi vote” isn’t really going to change everything. It is definitely a beginning of change. Let’s not forget it’s just that. A beginning. An important first step. If we want all the things we do – better governance, cleaner politics, honest opportunities, faster development – mere voting isn’t getting us anywhere. Coz the people we vote for are still the same. I don’t want to be a cynic. I want to vote too (mostly coz I also think it’s cool). But for whom?? I’ve been trying to get hold of the list of candidates in my constituency without any success. And neither of the leading parties appeals much to me. Quite a bleak situation if you think of it! I don’t want to vote just for the heck of it!

And the point is, even if I do figure out one decent candidate and vote for him/her and Even if he/she gets elected (though that’s being a bit too optimistic!)…then what? If that person belongs to one of the major parties, he/she will soon ‘mould’ into their line of thought. If they are an independent candidate, what can they do in a scenario when the ruling party is just not interested in the ‘lesser’ issues?!

Actually, the point is not how bad things are. The point is how much worse will I let them get till I do something about it. Maybe the excitement about these elections is a good way to wake up. To “jaago” in the true sense. To not just vote coz it’s a smart thing, but to vote smartly. To be politically aware and active. To pick up a broom and start cleaning my home. To stop wondering and start doing. To shake myself outta apathy. These elections may not mend everything right away, but they are definitely an eye-opener. I’ll always remember 2009 as the year I decided to ‘grow up’.

school stuff

It's almost the end of grad college, and I've been thinking of school. haha...no connection.

My most special school time memory is from when I was in the 12th standard. It was almost the end of school. We had assembled in the audi to practice for the candle light ceremony. And a lot of people were getting teary. I, on the other hand, was sobbing. It had nothing to do with the fact that school life was coming to an end. I had misplaced a friend’s diary (the one in which everyone writes stuff about you and sticks pictures and says ‘don’t ever change’ and ‘friends forever’…an invaluable possession!). There was some confusion about who was supposed to have had it last, and it so happened that I was the culprit. And though logically, it was my friend who should’ve been distraught, it was I who broke down under self-blame, shame and guilt. I felt like the sickest, most irresponsible person alive. Hence the sobbing. In school (and even now) I was hardly the kind of person who’d cry in public, much less in front of the entire school.
One of my teachers, Mrs. A, saw me crying and called me over. When everyone left, she asked me what the matter was. She looked so worried, perhaps expecting me to come out with a life-threatening secret ;) Telling her what really was the matter made me feel a tad bit silly. But she was super sweet about it. She gave me a hug and told me it was okay and that such things happen. Come to think of it, it wasn’t such a big deal, this gesture. But somehow, it’s etched in my mind as an unforgettable moment. I have been in awe of Mrs. A all my life. She is one person I, and mosta my friends, aspire to be like. She’s the reason I’m doing what I’m doing. And she also came across as this highly no-nonsense person. So a hug from her was a Big deal. But it wasn’t just that. I was overwhelmed coz she cared enough to ask. I felt so loved at that moment. Another teacher (also a fab person and great teacher) also asked what was wrong. I felt kinda guilty to have got all this attention after committing an almost-crime. But hey! I deserved a lil pep-up before I left school, and I have always got more than I deserved! :)

Dennis

Dennis turns 10 this week. It’s a time to celebrate. But I’m a little worried too. At the back of my mind, there is this voice which keeps saying a dog lives for around ten years. Which is not a nice thing. Around ten?! Is that more than ten or less? I know people whose dogs died before reaching the age of ten...

What a morbid thing to talk about on someone’s b’day though! Lemme tell you about Dennis! Funnily, I’ve never written about him before. Not even passing mention. Strange! Considering the fact that he’s a part of everything I do.

So this dude, Dennis, he’s a fine brown Labrador. The prettiest and nicest and the cutest and the smartest, in my fair opinion. I got him as a present when I was 12. Actually, I have been accused of emotionally blackmailing Girish kaka into getting him. But that’s so not true! ;) I’ve always wanted a dog. And I’d thought up all sortsa names for when I actually got one. And Dennis wasn’t one of them (Mad would remember…hehe). But when we got him home n someone suggested this name, it totally fit. Now I don’t even remember who gave him his name. [Btw, I get bugged when people go like ‘Dennis as in Dennis-the-menace?’. Ugghh no! No relation! But now I’m bored of explaining.]

Dennis. He’s all that I ever wanted my dog to be. And much more. Over the years, he’s ceased to be ‘my dog’. He’s family. He’s not a friend, he’s my baby. I love him more than anyone else. There is so much about Dennis. His eccentricities, his wild days as a pup (okay wild years…he was a pup till a couple of yrs ago..hehe), his nautanki, his adorable eyes…the way he seeks attention, the way he makes me feel loved…I don’t know what to write that’d fit a blog post!

He’s been with me for ten long years now. For me, he is unconditional love personified. Or dogified if you please : ) He is my Hachiko. Whenever I get back home, he’s always as happy to see me. We should learn a thing or two from him about expressing ourselves. He makes me feel wanted. It’s always great to come back home to Dennis. Right now, everyone at home is asleep in their rooms. Dennis is sleeping too, but in the hall, next to me. He won’t go inside till I do. These days I study in the hall, and no matter how late I stay up, he accompanies me till I’m done. He just won't leave. Not even if I try to get him to go in! He would come right back and sit with me till I switch off all lights and declare that I’m gonna sleep and that he should too. It’s really nice to have someone dote on you like that. Maybe he doesn’t really dote on me. Maybe I’m just projecting stuff that I want on him. It’s still as sweet of him. More about him later. I hate to wake him up in the middle of the night! God bless all dogs of the world.

Weekend

Such amazing weather...a brilliant weekend...so many things to write about... Where do I start? How about the "Earth Hour"!

Honestly, I don't know much about it. I'd read at a couple of places that on Saturday, everyone should switch off all unnecessary lights/electric stuff for an hour 'if you love your planet'. Oh well, that I do, but it seemed like such a fun thing too! And since my cousins were coming over, an hour in 'darkness' seemed like a supercool idea, love for planet or not! I loved power cuts as a kid. All the shadow games. And antakshari! And the whole time it was raining, with lightning and thunder n wind! It was one hour well spent.

It was so nice to know that a lotta other people observed it too :) I like the concept of many people coming together. Or rather, doing the same thing 'coz they believe in it. Damn cool. So all those of you who switched off all lights and enjoyed the darkness, way to go! Maybe we should get together to do more such stuff. Like pledging a day to be absolutely non-corrupt or something. For instance, on that day everyone follows the traffic rules and all, and if they are caught for speeding or anything, they get a chalaan rather than paying the cop for 'settlement'. How about a day for being kind? A week of honest effort (and no procrastrination!)? Hmm...we could if we wanted to you know! This is that power-of-youth they keep harping about na? And while we're at it, let's not forget the causes that got us all excited a few months ago and are now lying under a layer of fine dust. I'm talking about the terror attacks. Wassup on that front? We still remember all our angry outbursts, don't we?

Coming back to the cause at hand, this sitting in the darkness thing is cooler on another level. I was just thinking...there's so much light around us. As in, the artificial one - bulbs, tubelights, halogen, flourescent, neon, CFL. But what about light within? In these times of super brightness, are the people as enlightened? Or is the outside light taken as a substitute for the inner one? Maybe we need to sit in the dark once in a while to peep in. To find that light that lies within each one of us. Earth hour-like things could be a good way to connect with yourself. It's not a vague airy-fairy concept. A lot of us are in-the-dark about quite a few things. I, for one, keep putting off 'figuring out' stuff for myself. If only I would sit back and introspect...maybe I'd outshine all the streetlights! hehe. I'm not saying all of us become the Buddha or anything like that. But just that, if we make an effort to get to know ourselves better, we'd be more at peace with ourself and with others. That couldn't possibly be a bad thing, eh?

So, earth hour was cool because, a. it gave me a chance to enjoy antakshari n twenty questions, b. a lotta electricity was saved, and c. I got to glimpse my inner light ;) and jhaado some more gyan :D

ooh n lest I forget! I saw ducklings at the Hauz Khas lake! Real yellow ones. And a few green-black ones too. They were adorable!! And the place is damn cool! The fort/madarsa is an amazing structure too. With eerie steps and all that! All those who are in Delhi, must visit!

The problem with being a romantic is that you start believing in the fairy tales... Start hoping that the frog is actually a prince. And not just one frog, but all the frogs that you come across. I think that's my problem. I have seen too much mush, read too much mush...and now, willingly or unwillingly, I look for the same in real life. And well, no surprises for guessing, it ain't actually there... Or maybe I'm looking at the wrong places? Maybe the fairy tales didn't get it all wrong. Maybe there are happy endings, just that something about getting there has changed? I can't really figure out what though! Any suggestions?

I'm done with my dissertation...it's come out nice (could've been better, but hey! it's my first). And I had this sorta 'hangover' once it was done! Like, I felt sleepy n half-dizzy for almost three days...much better now ;) Though I can't get myself back into 'work mode' no matter how hard I try. Not that I've tried too hard! hehe
And on top of that, my mind's in a whirl right now...ugghhh!

I got a personal farewell yesterday. The first ever! As in, the farewell in 12th and grad were for the whole class...This one was for ME :) Oh wait...I hadn't attended my grad farewell. Anyway!

It was my last day of training yesterday. Kinda. It's more like a two month break. But I dunno yet. So anyway! It was a little weird being the focus-person. I was all squirmy n broad-smileyed...

But all the akwardness apart...I loooooove the people at work. How very sweet of them. I'm gonna miss training. But later. Right now I have too much trauma-n-coping on my mind! Oh n the terrible part is, whenever I tell anyone about my diss topic...they get all uncomfy n sad type. Oho!! :( I know it's not something to be happy about...but...oho!

Rehna tu, hai jaise tu/thoda sa dard tu…thodaa…sukoon!

Dilli 6. Great movie. An out-n-out entertainer. The kind you can call typical-Bollywood-masala. But it’s meaningful masala. And it deals with something that’s close to my heart – communal harmony and communal discord.
Amidst all the Indian madness (what else do you call breaking-news-crazy-baba/gau mata-following-kaala-bandar-smitten people!?), the movie succinctly shows how fickle we are. How we are moist-eyed at the Ram-Lila, but blatantly flout what we praise. Despite all our breast-beating ‘bout Dilli-walon ka ‘bada dil’ and ‘mehmaano ki khatirdari’, we are in fact, very shallow people. I soooooo agree! We are wonderful, we are full of eccentricities…and we love ourselves for that. We should. But we should also take responsibility for our flaws…for being hypocrites, for being champions of mediocrity and bhed-chaal. Why are people so enraged at seeing the ‘poor depiction’ of India in Slumdog (which btw, is a fab movie)? Is it that we can’t really take the truth? Are we so infatuated with our self-professed image of people-loving -people, that we will disregard any evidence to the contrary? Yes, there are a million good things about India. Many which each Indian should be proud of. But parents don’t disown their dud-offspring while celebrating the genius, do they? At least the sensible ones don’t ;) The apnapan of Delhi, or even India, to me, is an over-hyped concept. It’s a façade. Or maybe it isn’t…it really is up to us, isn’t it??
Anyway, more about the movie. Abhishek Bachchan has re-clinched his position as my personal favorite. Yes AB, you can heave that sigh-of-relief now…lol. He’s back…and how! He is good. Realy really good. And pretty convincing at what he does. Sonam Kapoor doesn’t have much to do. Neither does the much hyped ‘masakalli’! The songs are mostly out-of-nowhere। But the direction/editing or whatever the on-screen presentation is called is neat. In a different sorta way. This movie is no RDB. It’s not the kind that would inspire a cult movement. But how I wish it makes all of us see how meaningless the Hindu-Muslim debate is. And how tiny things are blown scarily outta proportion… I wish its viewers take home “the moral of the story”. I soooooo wish they do.

ज़र्रे ज़र्रे में उसका नूर है
झाँक ख़ुद में वो ना तुझ से दूर है।
इश्क है उस से तो सब से इश्क कर
इस इबादत का येही दस्तूर है।

Amidst all the bickering and politicking and complaining, I had forgotten that having cousins over is the most FUN thing ever!! Even if it's just one of them, it makes things so much brighter! Last night, we had the most mundane conversation ever, where my contribution was negligible... but my super cool bhai-behen were discussing rough columns and margins (on exam papers) so as to decide who should get how much space on the bed on each side. It was veryyyyy entertaining!
And then we went to see Billu Barber yesterday, despite knowing that it's not going to be anything great! I looooove doing that! hehe..n there was no convincing, managing to do! wow! :) And the movie was pretty nothing...What is wrong with the word barber now?? Or with any word for that matter? Ughh!!
Anyway, the bottom line is, having cousins over rocks! And we're planning to see Dilli6 too!...how cool is that? ;)
P.S. Shaadis are fun if you know just a handful of people present and there's good food!

When Mahabharat had "ravan ki daasiyan"

[ooh n check out the pink shoes!]
p.s. can they sue me for this???

thanx but no thanx!

this is the most un-asked, unwarranted and Ludicrous piece of advice EVER! That too from some random person! hmph!
A: anythn new at ur end?
me: new...toh nuthing much
A: any guy?
me: lol
nah
A: y?
me: dunno!
A: he he
me: wassup wid u?
A: same old story
A: b a lil hot
u will get guys

huh??

to whomsoever it may concern

Free advice.
Points to remember about your dissertation (coming from someone in the middle of one, this is as genuine as it gets!):
If there are 'x' number of things that can go wrong, be assured, all of them will. There are no two ways about it. And you will realize how many ways things can go wrong in! A simple thing like data collection is no less than the maze at the end of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. With dragons and spells vying for your attention at every turn. Well, almost!
All those people who tell you that 'well begun is better done' are absolutely right. At least in the context of dissertations. I prefered to emulate those who started late and still managed to get their work done in time. Not the smartest choice.
And then, the computer aspect. This morning, I had an almost heart attack 'coz my usually no-nonsense, docile comp suddenly went off! The screen went blank and the green light kept flickering. Nothing would revive it. Not random key-pressing, not turning it upside down, not even telling it how much I loved it! And the weirdest part is, when I tried opening the CD drive, it opened! Spooky!
After around 10 traumatic minutes, it suddenly came back to life. Miracles do happen! (why just yesterday a plane landed on water!). And the message on the screen said "windows has just recovered from an unlikely shutdown". Gawd, and I recovered from an almost-stopped-heart!
So, make sure that all your data has backup. Specially people who no longer write stuff and type every little thing. Mail it as attachments to various accounts. Various ppl if possible. Burn Cds, do whatcver. But there's no way out if you have just one place of storage and that gets damaged. I can't believe I'm saying that. It's such a tech-savvy sounding thing na? haha That's what dissertations do to you. They turn morons into experts. Non-believers into fanatics. Perfectly sane people into lunatics!
And final point to remember, which I am saying due to sheer optimism and not personal experience (yet), the whole thing is totally worth it. I am hoping that at the end of this dissertation I can look back and feel proud of the effort I put in :)

2009

This one's begun well. I don't remember how 2008 started. I don't even remember if I made any resolutions last year. As far as I remember, I didn't. Anyway! : )Till day before, I didn't have any for this year either. But now I do. Spurred by whatever happened yesterday.

It was the kinda start I had hardly expected. I met two of my closest friends from school after ages. It wasn't really the time. I think I have met them on and off last year (though not too often)...It was like...no, it wasn't even like the 'old times' actually. It was like the "new" times.

Yesterday was perhaps the first time I acknowledged the fact that I had not been very nice to either of them for quite some time. Yea I was mad at them for not keeping in touch..but I dealt with it most foolishly...by reminding them at every possible instance how they were not making an effort but I was. I don't how I expected that to make them keep in touch...all I managed to do was drive them farther away. So, resolution no.1 is that I will try not to be mean (unless absolutely necessary..;) ).
The other resoultions are the usual...losing weight, not obsessing about falling in love, spending less time on unproductive things etc. haha