if i shut my mind and don't let myself think

if i pretend that there is lots to do and hardly any time

then the pain doesn't seem so bad...it is negligible.

it's almost as if nothing happened

i've been trying

and i am getting better

at fooling myself into believing that everything is okay

but if i drop my guard for even a moment

the flood of emotions is too overpowering...

i'm doing quite well

if i say so myself

maybe, if i try a lil harder, i will forget about the pain.

Let's start with a basic premise - I am an idiot. I accept it full-fledgedly. And I was duped outta good two hundred rupees. Out of sheer foolishness on my part. Here's how.

I was parking my car in some lane this afternoon. When two girls, maybe a couple of years younger than me, came up with a wicker basket full of 10 rupee notes just when I was getting outta the car. So these sweet young girls tell me that they are collecting money for chadhao-ing on Ajmer sharif. I kinda liked them (do Not ask why!) so decided to humor them by handing over a tenner. Dus rupaye dene se kya farak padta hai na vaise bhi.
So anyway, the one who was holding a basket then told me that I should give 2 notes out of which one she will hand me back immediately. I did so. After which she said I should give a bigger denomination note. I gave a hundred rupee note. (I am smartness personified!)... To which she objected saying I should hand two notes of the same denomination at the same time. Since I had had enough of it (or so I thought) I told them to buzz off. And she got all serious and said stuff like 'Baba aankhein le lega' n the like. I am usually not a superstitious person. But I didn't want to take chances (which makes me a superstitious person now!). I handed over another 100 note. And then she said, 'ye paise hum dargah pe chadhaenge, aur tumhe dugune hokar milenege'. I was totally miffed by then! I was like, what-the-hell! Gimme back my money! And she went on with more scary stuff about how 'baba' would not forgive me if i didn't give 'hastey hastey'. And you know what?! I did not say anything. I am such an idiot!!!
I don't know if it's just me, or do these things happen otherwise as well. All of you, please don;t stop to chat up people like that. It's unfair. It's cheap. And God most definitely doesn't want money outta cheating! If only I had thought of this earlier! :(
Now that I think of what really happened in those 2 minutes...I wonder what made me give in so easily. Was it their charm? Or just my inability to be assertive? I could have raised an alarm. It was just a couple of puny girls. Why didn't I? And I never even give anything to people who are begging on the signals. What was I thinking!

"Power in all relationships lies with the one who cares less...but power is not happiness"

-Connor Mead (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, 2009)



Movies are so typical sometimes. They feed you the same mush, one way or the other. But sometimes...it still moves me. Like the lines above.