I had to drive home from CP the other day, and given my incredible knowledge of roads and sense of direction, I had NO idea which way to go! So I drove whichever way seemed intuitively best…asked directions once, and carried on. I did reach home after a while…and apparently, I had taken the correct route! But I realized that I was driving pretty blindly. As in, when I am on a familiar road or if I’ve been explained which route to follow, I am a very vigilant driver. This particular time, I wasn’t looking around at all. And now that I think of it, I wonder how many gaalis n angry glares I must’ve earned! But that’s not what’s been bothering me…it’s the fact that this drive pretty much resembles my current state-of-life…I am moving…perhaps in the right direction…but I’m not sure…and so, I cannot “enjoy the ride”….
Where am I headed? I’d really like to know. What am I going to do? What am I doing right now? What am I going to be? What am I now????
‘Life is a journey, not a destination’ they say…and I wouldn’t mind wandering all my life. Then, is wandering my goal? I do not seek a “final destination”…all I’m looking for is a road sign! Something to tell me I’m on track (but then, is there any such thing as the “right track”??)…because as long as I’m clueless about where I am headed, I cannot enjoy the journey…I cannot smell the trees…I cannot hear the wind or feel the sun…
Maybe I’m loosing out on all the fun coz of this preoccupation with “direction”…when I think of it, I am too overwhelmed to think straight. But otherwise, I am okay with it. Then when I realize that I’m ok if I don’t think about it, I get even more worried…and disgusted!
10 comments:
don't i know!
even attention-perception mein padha hai..to pay attention to something we need to ignore other things around us..
the question is- is that really so good?
"the" questions never end...do they? :)
I think that the best way to tackle this situation is take things as they come....set a certain goal and work towards it and if everything does not go according to plan then modify the plan so that you can make the most of the situation at hand :) this way you have a direction and a certain destination and also...and you will enjoy this journey for sure..!!!and do not worry about goal setting as you even make amendments to it also !! for better or worse as the situation demands!!....
I know that my comment sounds kind of philosophical but do give it a try!! It might solve your problems all together :D
thanx Aditya...but for now, i'm kinda enjoying my goal-less journey...it sure doesn't feel worthless anymore...at least till i get my next pang of disorientation..hehe
hmm..arent v all drifting? well yeah d pursuit of achievement alwaz lurks behind somewhere..bt wen i do look around at people..who have lived a 'good' life too..i wonder if this is what they really wanted..do we ever know what we really really want? and what if we achieve it? whats next?
and aditya your advice was anything but philosophical..its very pragamatic
my dearest Aditi!
it's called existential angst and it does happen a lot at that age. i used to call it the 'quarter-life-crisis' and it does get sorted out in due time. till that happens, all u can do i guess is to 'enjoy the scene'!!!
u'll do good, dont worry, else u'll end up bonkers like me!
:) bin enjoyin d scene no doubt... n no, it isn't quite existential angst...not yet! hehe
8 months later while driving on a similar route,
you would get stuck and make a guy wait for 45 minutes.
was it just 45?! i was well in time den! ;)
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