Change. I don't know another word that brings up so much dread in me. Death, maybe. But that too, is about change.
Like most people, I hate it when things change. Or rather, I hate when things are about to change. Sudden change I can deal with (or so I would like to believe). But change that has weeks or even months leading up to it drives me crazy. 'Coz it gives me so much time to picture 'possibilities' in my head. And there are a zillion plus one possibilities always. At Least!
Marriage is one such change I'm headed towards. And it scares me. All the things that I say "won't be me"...what if it IS me? What if it's me being grumpy and frustrated? What if it's me resenting my husband? What if it's me losing out on my personhood? What if it's me with that feeling of absolute lack of control over my life?!?! Paranoia? Perhaps. Only time will tell? Maybe not. I'd like to believe I can guide the course my fate takes. Look at me getting all fatalistic! But negativity apart, I do believe that life is up for a big upheaval. An inevitable one. One that I have chosen for myself. One that I've fought for :) It can't be all that bad. And like all change, I'm guessing I will learn to live with it. Learn to love it.
