Sachin Tendulkar

Sachin Tendulkar is a much  loved public figure. He must have something going for him if even people like me (with zero understanding of cricket) are die hard fans ;) No seriously, I love Sachin. He’s almost like Marmite, you can love him or hate him…but not ignore him! Even as a child, I thought of him as a powerful figure. Every time he got out, my brother would switch off the TV. In my house (and I’m guessing mine’s not the only one), the match ended when Sachin left the crease.

He’s an admirable sportsperson. But more than that, I love him for the way he has handled himself in public. With all the adulation and attention he has gotten over the years, AND all the criticism, any person could have lost their head. The current breed of ‘young celebrities’ (in sports and otherwise), more than prove my point! In a time when we see stars being created overnight, only to be forgotten in a fortnight, this man has maintained his position and dignity for almost two and a half decades. If that’s not admirable, what is?

Thank you Sachin, for raising the bar. Thank you for teaching a whole generation of Indians to dream and to strive to achieve that dream. And most of all, thank you for giving us a role model who showed us how to remain grounded in the face of the massive ups and downs!

I am one of the least political people I know. And politics is probably the last thing I should be writing about. But seriously, WHAT is going on in Indian politics?! The only news is about allegations, counter-allegations, cover-ups and goof-ups! When does the real administration happen, if at all? I feel like crying every time I see someone from Congress or BJP or some other political party commenting on trivial unimportant aspects of things every single day!
Every day a stray comment is taken out of context and blown out of proportion. Every day a new controversy. It's sickening. Today it's Modi, tomorrow Rahul Gandhi; some day it's Amartya Sen, another day Shobha De. Even non-political entities are being made centres of so-called political debates. Whatever happened to minding one's own business? Or is this what a democracy is all about?

Turmoil breeds creativity. Some of our finest moments are born as a reaction to some struggle or obstacle. For it is only when the mind is shaken out of its comfort zone that it's forced to think in a way it usually wouldn't. Right now...for no apparent reason...or for too many vague reasons...my mood is more down than up. So I thought maybe this is a good time for a new blog post.

i want your attention
more than ever
coz i feel ur slipping away
i don't want control
i don't want power
but i do need to feel
like i am still the centre of your universe
lately it feels like
i don't matter as much
that unless i throw a tantrum
i wouldn't catch your eye
it seems that
if i behave myself
you won't even notice i'm here
it's only when i'll be gone
that u will probably shed a tear

Change

Change. I don't know another word that brings up so much dread in me. Death, maybe. But that too, is about change. 

Like most people, I hate it when things change. Or rather, I hate when things are about to change. Sudden change I can deal with (or so I would like to believe). But change that has weeks or even months leading up to it drives me crazy. 'Coz it gives me so much time to picture 'possibilities' in my head. And there are a zillion plus one possibilities always. At Least! 

Marriage is one such change I'm headed towards. And it scares me. All the things that I say "won't be me"...what if it IS me? What if it's me being grumpy and frustrated? What if it's me resenting my husband? What if it's me losing out on my personhood? What if it's me with that feeling of absolute lack of control over my life?!?! Paranoia? Perhaps. Only time will tell? Maybe not. I'd like to believe I can guide the course my fate takes. Look at me getting all fatalistic! But negativity apart, I do believe that life is up for a big upheaval. An inevitable one. One that I have chosen for myself. One that I've fought for :) It can't be all that bad. And like all change, I'm guessing I will learn to live with it. Learn to love it. 

Candid confessions of an amateur driver

I started learning how to drive soon after finishing 12th std in school. And thanks to the super flawed (read corrupt) system, got my drivers' license soon after. It wasn't until a good 3 years later though that I actually learned to drive!
So it's been roughly 6-7 years that I have been driving a car, in the real sense of the word. In conditions involving minimal or no supervision. Most importantly, in conditions involving other cars! Despite this I call myself an amateur driver. Here's a (non-exhaustive) list of why:

1. I cannot, for the love of God, manage reverse parking or parallel parking (or any form of parking apart from just driving into a parking lot!). It's not that I never tried. But after 5,6,7 failed attempts (at the same instance) and judgmental glares of bystanders, I kinda gave up.

2. I follow traffic rules. I drive within the speed limit, stop behind the "Stop line" at red lights, indicate every time I have to turn or change lanes, and keep honking to a minimum. Anyone living in Delhi (and probably most other cities in this country) who has ever done the same, will know the looks one attracts for doing this. I've got reactions ranging from bewildered amusement to downright irritation (sometimes from within my own car!) for doing something as routine as following traffic rules! So, if you can't break lanes and a few safety rules, you are no good as a driver.

3. I do not drive to win. I am mostly not in a rush. And even when I am, it doesn't make me feel like I've lost a race every time a car overtakes mine!

4. Even though I know I am perfectly capable of driving through crazy traffic, I get nervous at the very thought of doing so. I am happiest if offered a lift!

5. If ever required to lead another car (ok that doesn't happen so often coz my awesome sense of direction ;) ) I end up feeling guilty for slowing them down and am actually relieved to allow them to speed ahead as soon as we reach a familiar route!

6. I have tears running down my face at the slightest hint of confrontation and/or judgment from a fellow driver.

7. I am very cautious about Not reinforcing people's beliefs about women being lousy drivers. And every time I make a blunder I feel weighed down by the guilt of having let down womankind!

8. I need a minimum of 30secs to recall which lever opens the fuel tank and which one opens the bonnet...It's happened more than once that I've completely forgotten, much to my embarrassment, to open the fuel tank door!

I recently drove on the highway for the very first time. The driving on traffic-less Mumbai-Pune expressway doesn't count, does it? And I was struck by how Mean people can get on the road!! Everyone wants to get ahead. Everyone wants to stop the others from getting ahead. Specially people with cars. Truck drivers were surprisingly nicer! Weaving my way through what seemed like millions of trucks and trailers, it dawned upon me that even though I don't completely suck at this...driving isn't something I'd ever take up as a hobby! Coming from a family where practically everyone loves to drive, this is almost shameful. Well, almost.

I want to write today

I want to write today. Even though I don't know about what. Maybe because the weather is good...at least under the fan next to an open window :) Maybe because after a long time, I've had some alone time. For all my love of people, I need to switch off sometimes. But mostly, I think it's the weather and the non-agenda-ness of the day.

So well...I was reading a blog post/review about Ye Jawani Hai Diwani just now. Usually, I'd find this sort of writing amusing. Today, it just irked me. It is witty no doubt. And going by the over-enthusiasm of the "comments" that follow, it seems to have hit a chord with a lot of people. Why did it irritate me then? Is it because I loved the movie? Or because it belongs to a genre that is - almost as a rule - ridiculed by people my age (at least the ones I know)? I'm not sure. But here's a piece of my mind...

I think it's fantastic that movies like YJHD are made. They make me happy. I love to see good looking, well dressed people mouthing witty lines. I like to see opulence. I like happy endings (no I don't want to dwell on what happened after the first kiss). I like movies which don't have deprivation or depravation as a central theme. Coz quite simply, I see enough of that in real life. People watch movies for a lot of different reasons. And I respect each reason, no matter how ridiculous it seems to me. So if I don't laugh at your lust for a Marvel superhero, you don't have any right to mock my Dharma/YRF heroes either!

I watch movies to be mesmerised ..to soak in a larger than life melodrama...to relish a tale highlighting (and exaggerating) human emotions. I just  LOVE love stories! Specially those with happy endings :D Add a peppy "balam pichkari" and a soulful "kabira" to it...and I am in entertainment heaven :) So...let the cynics mock away while I dip my toes in the familiarity of Bollywood masala...

God

From as long back as I can remember, I have been a believer. I have no religious inclinations, but I'd like to call myself spiritual. I have believed that there is a person/thing called God - who is no less than a super-hero. Probably owing to my christian school upbringing, I picture this God to be a male with frail physical appearance but abundant inner strength. He can do Anything. His job description is quite straightforward - to guide and protect. Everyone and everything. He is the one who created this world. He is the care-taker of it all. Maybe he delegates some of this stuff to guardian angels, I've never been too sure. But I know that I don't have to pass through a mediator to get in touch with him. He is ever ready to listen; to answer my 'prayers'. He knows everything. He is fair in his dealings. He makes sure the bad guys get punished. His functioning doesn't always follow logic but he does what is best for everyone. But he is no dictator. He is kind. He gives us choice, he gives free will.

Recent events, however, have made me question all of these beliefs. Of course, it was easier to hold on to them as a child...of course they seem a little flimsy in the face of reason. But that's not the cause of my concern. I have the tendency to be adamant in the most unlikely situations. I can happily turn a deaf ear and be in complete denial of cold facts if I so wish. But that somehow doesn't work where personal tragedies (for the lack of a less dramatic word that fits the bill) are concerned.

The God I believed in did not "test" to show favour. He did not have to be satiated with a particular kind of conduct. He did not make me stumble over hurdles every time I started walking :( I can't make sense of the way things are panning out. And I can't find an alternative to my belief system. This state of non-believing...or the absence of familiar beliefs is quite disturbing... Even more so when it concerns the people I love. Seeing them suffer, and being able to do nothing to end this suffering...I hate the helplessness of the situation. Which is why I find myself thinking...if there really was a God...the kind that I believed in....would he have allowed this to happen? Would he not have intervened sooner? Would he not protect 'good' from 'evil'?

luv-shav

It was valentines day yesterday. Despite the hue and cry about blatant commercialisation, there's definitely something romantic about this festival of love. Or maybe it's the expectation created out of the hype about it? Maybe, maybe not.
What's wrong with celebrating love? And why does it have to be reiterated that "it can be love for anyone"? Why this need to justify it by saying that your parents and friends are your valentines too. I don't disagree that they are. I mean, love is love is love! But all this talk just makes me wonder, is romantic love not good enough to deserve a day of celebration? Of course you can celebrate your love/relationship every day. But do you? I sure don't.
And what's with the "protests" against it?! It is simply hilarious! Ye bhi koi oppose karne ki cheez hui! Like there's noting better to do!
Enjoy the red roses and balloon hearts! And don't intellectualise everything. In the words of a very wise woman I know..."Relax!!!" ;)