I had to drive home from CP the other day, and given my incredible knowledge of roads and sense of direction, I had NO idea which way to go! So I drove whichever way seemed intuitively best…asked directions once, and carried on. I did reach home after a while…and apparently, I had taken the correct route! But I realized that I was driving pretty blindly. As in, when I am on a familiar road or if I’ve been explained which route to follow, I am a very vigilant driver. This particular time, I wasn’t looking around at all. And now that I think of it, I wonder how many gaalis n angry glares I must’ve earned! But that’s not what’s been bothering me…it’s the fact that this drive pretty much resembles my current state-of-life…I am moving…perhaps in the right direction…but I’m not sure…and so, I cannot “enjoy the ride”….
Where am I headed? I’d really like to know. What am I going to do? What am I doing right now? What am I going to be? What am I now????
‘Life is a journey, not a destination’ they say…and I wouldn’t mind wandering all my life. Then, is wandering my goal? I do not seek a “final destination”…all I’m looking for is a road sign! Something to tell me I’m on track (but then, is there any such thing as the “right track”??)…because as long as I’m clueless about where I am headed, I cannot enjoy the journey…I cannot smell the trees…I cannot hear the wind or feel the sun…
Maybe I’m loosing out on all the fun coz of this preoccupation with “direction”…when I think of it, I am too overwhelmed to think straight. But otherwise, I am okay with it. Then when I realize that I’m ok if I don’t think about it, I get even more worried…and disgusted!
