Ahem..!

All I need is a hot cuppa tea and an inspiring view...

2012-01-30T09:45:00.000-08:00

I want to be one of those people who write. Like, you know…get up in the morning and have things to write about! Like columns…articles…witty stuff. Sorta like putting the constant commentary going on in my head on paper. But it doesn’t happen. The fantasy of sitting in front of my comp with a big mug of tea or hot chocolate, staring out of my window as readable ideas pop into my head…remains a fantasy! Probably because I don’t like tea much or can’t have lot of hot chocolate in one go! Or maybe coz my window looks out on the street and a few blank walls? Nah…even if my window looked out on the sarson ke khet from DDLJ, I would still be at a loss for words.
And I know why. Coz I censor.
I say fun things in my head. They sound great, believe me! But I can’t have them out in the open! Not that they are ‘secrets’… but … I have an elaborate image-management thing going on since forever. And a part of this complicated program involves a lifelong commitment to the motto leave-unsaid-what-could-make-you-sound-silly! Which translates into leaving unsaid MOST stuff! That doesn't stop me from ranting on this blog. But hey, to be fair, I know how many eyeballs it attracts ;)

Don 2

2011-12-28T16:50:00.000-08:00

I don't like watching movies with violence and destruction. It is so not cool! Even if it has Shahrukh Khan in it! Saw Don 2 today. It didn't have much of a plot/story/whatever. Coming from Farhan Akhtar, extremely disappointing. There is no dearth of entertainment here. But then, it is no better than a Govinda or Salman Khan movie. Zero sense.

But all said and done, Shahrukh Khan is mighty endearing! Even as the villain :D Despite being the bad guy, you want him to get away with it. I was glad that the other baddies got 'punished'. At the same time, I was sooo relieved that Don survived ;)
Found that Roma chick highlyyyyyyy irritating. What's her problem anyway? Between her Becket-esque super cop act n SRK morphing into Hrithik Roshan, the movie kinda lost me!

It is still awesome to watch a movie on the big screen. Happy times continue :)

Don't you just love a movie that makes you want to write?!

2011-12-23T08:09:00.001-08:00

Having spent what seems like an eternity on the down-swing of that most unpredictable of things - mood swing - it feels great to finally be up again! :D And what brought me here? As I stand here accepting my good-mood-award, I'd like to thank good food, a happy movie and last but not the least, my hormones! (They do know how to play one hell of a havoc with your life, don't they?)

So well, the (latest) movie that I've been smitten by is I Don't Know How She Does It. Sarah Jessica Parker n Pierce Brosnan! I must admit that I've been living a super dull routine lately. Can't blame anyone but myself for it! Oh wait, I can blame those ghastly hormones, can't I? Don't I just LOVE being a woman!!? haha

As you can tell, I am in a manic phase right now. So it is a little difficult to stay to the point. But I will try. The point is, the movie was such a feel-good-smiles-n-awws kind! I don't have anything to say about the movie as such. Apart from the fact that I am so sooooo grateful for not being blue any more!

If it's all about living the moment, we need more movies like this one :)

Happy holidays everyone :)

Oh wait! I started out this post thinking of how I have 'grown' in my choice of entertainment...but well, that will have to wait till the mania subsides to a more manageable euphoria!

Life is short

2011-12-20T05:18:00.000-08:00

Life is short. Live it now.
The distant tomorrow may never come.
The next day might not dawn either.
All you have is this moment.
Live it. Now.

Life is short. Live it now.
Don't wait for a better time.
There might not be any.
Don't hope for a second chance.
It might have gone already.
All your dreams, your hopes and your wishes,
live them now,
there may be no tomorrow.

If you love them, tell them now.
If you are angry,
forgive now.
If you have hurt them,
ask for forgiveness.
Do it now,
for that's all that you've got.

Life comes to an end.
That's something you know.
The time to be happy,
the time to make amends,
it is now.
For that's all that you've got.

You never know,
if tomorrow brings with it
the familiar faces, sights and sounds.
Sometimes all you are left with
are unanswered questions.
Why-me and what-if
are all you have got.

Life is short.
It comes to an end.
Live it today.
Live, now.

A writers' block that's lasted forever!

2011-12-04T03:55:00.001-08:00

Why do I write? Why does anybody write? There must be a zillion reasons why. For me, the underlying reason, every single time, is when I have something to say. I've talked earlier about how I go about writing a post...and how I had a lot of ideas but none of them seemed to materialize into a post lately. But that was then. Recently, it seems like that place which triggered ideas for posts..or which reacted to things enough to want to write about them, has dried up... There have been no 'ideas' in what seems like forever! But I want to write!!!! Needless to say, I love writing. Always have. And not doing it for so long...coming back to a blog which is as good as dead, is no fun at all!!! So this morning I decided, enough already! Let's not sugar-coat the laziness by calling it a block. Lemme get over it. It's high time!!!!

So, here I am, nursing my writers'..ummm laziness ;) Pardon me if I sound repetitive. Or even a little rusted. I'm trying to get back into the groooove...whatever that means!! hahaha

Be back with a real post soon

xxx

2011-11-21T06:58:00.001-08:00

I am more away than around this blog nowadays! Anyway, back from my busiest 'holiday' so far! Brother's wedding. I wasn't around for most part of the preps, but I am sure what I saw was the worst of the frenzy! Looking back, it was loaddddssssa fun :) Missing it now.

Now that I'm back, I am feeling unsettled all over again. The routine that I was hoping to achieve when I last wrote...well, far from it even now. I've been travelling up n down a lot. Keeps me occupied. Nothing very productive though. Feels as though I'm just spending a lot of energy and achieving nothing. Well, christmas will be here soon. And I hope the snow arrives sooner :) Probably my last winter in the UK. How I miss Dilli ki sardi!!!!!!

2011-09-27T15:23:00.000-07:00

So far, I like my 'new life'. It's not fantabulously awesome. But it isn't rubbish either. I have way more free time than is healthy. And well, perhaps a smarter person would have put this to better use. Me? I find myself doing odd jobs around the house. I am a housewife without a husband!

Here, it's easy to forget what I'm really here for! 'Coz I do the "real" thing only once a week. For the other six days I cook, I clean, I reminisce... And between these random things, I don't even find time for an afternoon nap. Can you beat that! The only other thing that ever kept me from afternoon naps before this, was my full-time job. And even then I'd crave for a siesta. Not for the last few weeks though! Maybe it's too early to say. Maybe it'll only last till I 'settle into a routine'..?

But let's not go on a random tangent. What I was saying is this. I'm in the middle of a lot of change. And uncertainty. And adaptation. And growing up. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet!

Taking away a bit of Keele...

2011-09-08T16:25:00.000-07:00

It's my last night in Keele. And probably, no one is interested in this...but it's been a whole year since I first got here. Wow.

I've grown to love this place. And not just my room or my block, but the campus. Which felt so alien and huge when I arrived. It's home now. Or at least, the first place where I've truly been 'on my own'. It was all that I wanted it to be. It was a place where I knew no one, where no one knew me. A place where there were no 'expectations'...no 'responsibilities'. Apart from my own. I wouldn't claim to have become any more responsible than I was before coming here. But I sure have learned to take care of myself. And value a lot of things lotttt more than I did earlier. Like family. Like being able to speak English mixed with Hindi. Like...no, let's not go there. It's a loooooong list. And in my head, it's already turning from a 'things I've learnt to value' list to a 'things I miss' list! This is where I discovered my love for cooking (contemplated doing a post on that about a million times but that never materialised!). This is where I first saw my snow :) This is a place of tonnes of memories. Of hangovers and laughing fits and tears...

So anyway, coming back to the point. Less than 24 hours, and I'll be gone. Gone for good. I'll still be 'abroad'...but that's a new chapter. Another step away from my newly developed comfort zone. No more late night walks around campus. No more mid-night trips to KPA. No more Select-n-Save. No more collecting post n parcels. I'm realllyyyy gonna miss it. But this is not the end. I am taking away a bit of Keele with me as I leave. The green, the wind...the winding roads, the vacant parking lots...even the perpetually-choked kitchen sink ;)

They were right. Love:Keele.

I can't pack!

2011-09-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

If ever there was a packing-and-moving aptitude test, I would fail miserably! I most definitely would! After spending an entire morning, and most afternoon packing, my room looks messier than ever...and believe me, that's not an easy standard to surpass!

In my head, everything was sorted. Four suitcases of different sizes...and a tiny room full of stuff accumulated over a year. How tough could it be, I'd thought. And since this morning, the universe, or whoever pulls these cheap tricks, seems so be chuckling in glee: 'this is how tough it can be'!

From where I stand now, it looks like I'll need a miracle if I want to move day after tomorrow. Miracles work right???

2011-08-22T13:13:00.001-07:00

i have neither the inclination, nor the skill for a political commentary. this is more of a personal rant.

i just came across some *highly* irritating stuff. infuriating even! despite all my reservations about anna hazare's mode of agitation, i feel sorry for the man after hearing what the imam of jama masjid had to say about it! he's "upset" coz muslims haven't been included in the movement! HUH? Wtf! Ye koi Hazare ke ghar ka function hai ki kisi ko invitation nahi mila toh bura maan gaye???! Utter nonsense. It's people like him that feed stereotypes about muslims. none of the muslim people i know are hung up on being a minority.

makes me wonder to what level the so called religious heads would stoop to maintain their position of power!!

Nothing beats a good protest

2011-08-17T15:03:00.000-07:00

They are all talking about Anna Hazare and the Lok Pal bill...they are discussing fighting corruption like never before. It's all over twitter and facebook. For once, I'm glad to be spared the TV and newspaper coverage. But the drama is hard to miss. Almost everyone seems to be supporting Hazare.

Everyone has an opinion. Everyone should. Sign of a thinking society and all that. But (of course there's a but!), are we thinking? Or are we just jumping on the bandwagon? Is supporting the JanLokPal the new "in" thing? I was feeling kinda left out so read it up last night! This isn't about my opinion on it though. This is about me wondering what this is all about. Remember how, when the attack in Bombay happened, everyone was all gung-ho about making a difference...about preventing another such carnage. That more or less fizzled out, didn't it? Pardon me for being a sceptic, but I refuse to get carried away this time.

How about focusing on ourselves for a change? Yes, the political class is corrupt. But so are you. That does not justify their misuse of power. But neither does supporting Hazare absolve you of your responsibility. All I am saying is, if you think this is a cause worth supporting, stand for it by all means. But don't just follow someone blindly. What if he decides to call off the protest tomorrow? Will you call off yours too?

P.S. Just for the record, I'm quite uneasy about blackmail through fasting.

On blocks

2011-07-30T03:38:00.000-07:00

OR

What comes to your mind first when you think 'block'? Do you think of roadblocks or building blocks? Do you think of being blocked by something, or feeling blocked because of nothing?

Amusement parks, really?

2011-07-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

You must have heard of people's things-to-do-before-turning-30 lists. I don't really have one. In fact, I have a things-I-never-want-to-do-even-if-I-live-to-be-100 list! Yes, that's the sort of person I am. Lazy. Boring. And not the least bit thrill seeking!

So, no one was more surprised than I was when I went on some of the scariest rides in this amusement park called Alton Towers yesterday. I don't think they call them amusement parks anymore. 'Cause well, there isn't much that's amusing about them!! Appu ghar was an amusement park, yes. But Alton Towers? Nooo! Back to the point though...my decision to go on these life-threatening rides was shaped, not in any small amount, by recently having seen this movie called Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. That and a constant self-talk starting and ending with "darr ke aage jeet hai" is what saw me through it, to be very honest! And I would have been very proud of myself for some of the things I rode...if only I hadn't felt woozy n hungover for the whole day today!!! So in retrospect, it seems like such a waste!!

What surprised me is how there were hordes of people there who were loving every minute of those rides. What surprised me even more is that despite finding it extremely torturous, I went through with most of it! I still can't believe I did it...and I'm talking about weird roller coaster things that flip you upside down, hurtle you down a ninety degree drop and stuff like that! Basically what happened is that a person whose body is used to a leisurely - bordering on lethargic - existence was suddenly flung into this topsy-turvy frenzy...blood that has gotten used to complacently ambling around in slow cycles found itself rushing from head to toe to head and back again in a matter of seconds! I realized I have, as a friend of mine put it - "a slow heart". He meant weak, but slow fits the bill better! At the end of it, I was so shook up that on the bus back home, every time we went up or down a hill, I expected the bus to flip over n run in loops! No kidding!

life after death...and stuff like that

2011-06-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

I'm in one of my gyaan-dispensing moods right now. So, indulge me for a bit, won't you? What happens when we die? Do you think we 'live on'? Or is it just game over! I wonder what it would be like to be dead. I'm in no hurry to find out of course ;) But just wondering...will I just stop existing? Will I get to see how people react when I'm gone? Or would it be better to not be able to see? Will I be allowed to hang around as a spirit? For how long? How will it be decided what or where I am in my next life? Do you think I'll have a choice? Do you think I'll get to meet God? I think it's only fair to expect that! What about the soul...does it have a memory? Will mine remember all the things I have been before? Or will I just be a blob with no past?

For me, an ideal dead situation would be...going into a world where I get to meet all the people I know who are now dead. Like a reunion of sorts. At least for a few years...or whatever unit time is measured in in that world...Then we can all move on. But what if they have already served their time in the in between world by the time I arrive?! That would be such a shame!!

Thing is, I won't really know till I'm dead. What I'm trying to get at is this...we waste so much time plotting and planning for the future that it's easy to lose sight of the present. I know you've heard it a million times in a million different ways...live like there's no tomorrow, make most of today, etc etc.

But you still spend hours and days worrying yourself over the future. I know I do. It looms like a dark cloud over everything. And I find myself making choices on the basis of what would be best for 2, 3, 5 years later. Sure no harm in planning for tomorrow, but is it more important than right now? The weirdest part is, the future may or may not happen. I might get hit by a car tomorrow (if I get out of the house!). Or get buried in this very building in the next 5 minutes (chances of this being higher coz of all the newly-free-for-hols undergrads running around all the time!). Who knows! But there's no denying the fact that I have this moment.

So, what's the point of all this ranting? Nothing :) Absolutely nothing. I wanted to spend my present writing a blog post. And I just did. What do you want to do with this moment? :)

what if...

2011-06-04T01:59:00.000-07:00

What if you find what you have been looking for? What if the search that seemed to last a lifetime came to an end? What if it isn’t what you thought it would be like? What if, after all this effort, you feel even more lost than before?

There you are

my precious one!

The moment I set my eyes on you,

I knew.

I knew there’s no going back

Comforts, I gave up.

Shade and rest

have become strangers to me.

But the sight of you, my precious one,

and I know this is where I want to be.

I have spent night after night

dreaming of your sweet face.

Braved all odds

to reach you here.

Seeing you, having you

guided my life

ruled my being.

I know of nothing else

but this strife.

This unquenched thirst

to have you my precious one.

But why does it feel this way?

Why is your lovely face

lined with worry, with doubt?

You are just as I had imagined,

but not quite.

What is it that’s not right?

What is it that stops me?

Stops you...

What holds us back?

Why does my tiredness

seem to clench my bones?

Why does your face

look like it doesn’t know?

Did I give up too much?

Did I give it up in vain?

Can you not feel my pain?

I long for one look.

One look of acceptance.

Or at least a flicker of recognition in your eyes.

But it doesn’t come.

I feel my feet give way,

feel my body crumble,

and my soul sink.

I feel it all

when I see you turn and walk away.

And then...I feel nothing at all.

Do you think I have lost it?

2011-05-20T15:06:00.000-07:00

I'll tell you how I function...I come across something that I absolutely HAVE TO write about...jot down some of it in a diary...then type out a draft, and think it's really lame and leave it unpublished. When I come back to it a few days later, I can see what's wrong/missing...and it becomes a post. But for the last so many days, I seem to have come across nothing that I absolutely have to write about!! I still pushed myself into writing about something that seemed mildly interesting. Left it in draft state for days...weeks now...and it still seems so crappy!! I don't think I have that blog-y thing in me anymore! :( And like all other things I had thought I would enjoy, I am putting it off without any evident reason!

Oh but it isn't all glum! I recently went for an interview, and when asked what kind of books I liked, very matter-of-fact-ly admitted: Fiction. But they didn't stop at that! Next question: What sort of fiction? I was stumped! I couldn't possibly say chic-litt, could I? So I gave a broaaaadddd smile and said, at the risk of sounding silly, I like happy stories! Yes yes, I winced inwardly even as I said it. How can anyone say stuff like that in an interview? (Btw, it was only for a training placement...but I really really wanted it!!)

Have I told you before that I am the luckiest person I know? :D I got the position despite my daftness :)

p.s. LOOK at that! another meaningless post!!

2011-05-06T03:52:00.000-07:00

It's that time again...I am nearing the end of another academic year/course...and like always, not very sure of 'what next'. Seems like every time I resolve this issue, it comes back with greater force! Well, to be fair I haven't really been resolving it, more like finding ways for putting off the resolution...or final decision or whatever you want to call it!

I'm in a happy place right now...no need for anyone to know any of this, but I haven't blogged for ages...n since I have piles of work waiting to be completed, this seems like the perfect time to get back to the blog! :D

So well...what DO i blog about?! I haven't read anything in a long long time...haven't seen any new movies (saw August Rush a while ago n lovvvveeeddd it to bits!)...haven't really felt like writing about anything...umm...maybe i'll come back some other time! Till then...!

2011-03-13T04:22:00.000-07:00

I love surprises. It doesn't matter whether it's big or small...whether it's a material object or a gesture or a surprise visit...what makes surprises so special is that they make me feel special. The joy of knowing that someone cares enough for that smile of yours...of knowing that they made an effort to put together something just to see the look on your face :)

I have been blessed with more than my fair share of surprises. My first memory of a surprise was when I was 8 or 9 I think. I have always loved animals. Always wanted a pet. And like most parents, mine wouldn't let me have one. So I had to settle by 'adopting' stray pups and kittens. To be honest I hardly adopted, but was adopted by them! They were fulfilling my need to love animals...I wasn't really doing much for them, apart from an occasional saucer of milk or slice of bread...Anyway, coming back to my first surprise...

It was during one of the summer holidays, most of which I spent at my nani's in Mulund. Those were fun times. With cousin nanis, nanas, mamas n maasis living close by. Me and my brother spent a lot of time at their places. The adulation was hard to pass...we were the only grandchildren for a long long time :D So, on one such day, close to the end of hols, we went to my cousin nana's place in the evening. Just like that. (when did i stop going to people's places JLT?!..it used to be so effortless!) And he asked me to go to the kitchen, to see if I found anything 'different'. Given my bleak observation skills, it was no surprise that I found nothing different. But I was more curious as a child than I am now, so I was just snooping through the things kept on the counter...and guess what I saw in one vessel?!?!?! There, swimming timidly in a huge steel bowl was a beautiful little tortoise!!!!! He'd bought it for me! You can't imagine how I felt at that moment! Or maybe you can...

The point is...he died today. And I'm reminded of all the awesome things he did. Not just the tortoise incident (which, BTW was a HUGE milestone in my life)...I feel swept under a wave of nostalgia. So many parts n people from my childhood are no more....the change feels overwhelming.

2011-03-04T17:44:00.000-08:00

It's funny how some seemingly insignificant things make such a difference! I just arranged my class notes and handouts in order today...and even though that's hardly an achievement, it's put me in a great mood :) Well, considering the fact that the last time I did it was sometime in the beginning of December does make it a sorta achievement ;)

Sometimes, all you need to do is to file things in a pretty ring binder. Sort your thoughts n put them away in a neat stack. Doesn't solve the problem. But makes things less overwhelming. Sometimes, that's all you can do. Maybe it is an attractive form of avoidance. I don't know. But it seems to have worked for me, for now. And the great believer in first steps that I am, this one's another way to an awesome start (even though in my case it's mostly well begun AND half done!).

Now that my thoughts are arranged (not sorted)...I know that I can come back to them when I am in the right frame of mind (or when I just have to deal with them...lol). It gives me a better perspective. What seemed messy just a while ago is now much more manageable!

2011-02-21T16:03:00.000-08:00

you are not around

but your fragrance lingers on

i can't see you

but your presence is not gone

physical distances hurt

but they don't feel real

love is my reality

i feel it every time i breathe

you worry that i will

go away one day

don't you see

i am here to stay

i have become a part of you

as you became mine

and that can't be taken away

even if we try

embracing vulnerability

2011-02-01T12:15:00.001-08:00

All that begins must come to an end...or at least change into something else. It is inevitable, right? Why, then, do goodbyes take us by surprise? Why is it so difficult to let go...to cope with change?

One of the reasons, for me, is the inability to come to terms with my vulnerability. I can't accept the fact that I feel so immensely vulnerable when someone leaves or when things change or look like they might...So, in order to not come across as clingy, I 'back-off before you have a chance to push me away'.

Being on this course has given me loads of opportunities to see get to know myself better. It's like having the spotlight focused not on, but within you...at all times. It does get overwhelming. Even a bit stressful at times. But largely, it is exhilarating. It is a heady feeling recognizing things about you that you knew all along but never really paid attention to...never realized what impact it was having on everything you did...

So, coming back to being vulnerable... We were shown this video in class a few weeks ago http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html and I hope you see it too...For me, it was one of those life changing things...like reading Who Moved My Cheese and The Alchemist...or like watching Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi.

I don't want to tell you what I got out of it...I don't want to contaminate what you could get out of it. But I really hope you watch it...and make sense of it in a way that works for you :)

BUT, I will talk about it anyway (in the hope that you saw it before you read on..lol). One of the major things that came out of this for me was the realization about how strongly vulnerability was affecting the way I relate to everyone around me. How, I almost keep myself away from any 'risky' experience in order to 'protect' myself... and how this was in fact stemming from my fear of being 'unloved'. Like all other life-changing things I have stumbled across, this one has not transformed me into a new person overnight ;) But it has brought about a new awareness. So that now when I back off, I know what I am doing. And I try not to. It isn't a magical metamorphosis. It is definitely a move in a positive direction though...

It's one of the many wonderful things I have learnt while on this course. Wonderful, not painless. But I am thankful nevertheless.

my theory of life

2011-01-30T15:59:00.001-08:00

ok this isn't really a theory. but u weren't expecting one anyway, right? ;) this post is more like my very own compilation of beliefs about life n people...but that doesn't sound so great for a title, does it? hehe

Life is precious. It's a one-time experience, at least as the person you are right now (yes, I believe wholeheartedly in Karz and OSO), so try and make the most of it. Like, I consider it almost criminal to be callous about it!

Everything happens for a good reason. Everything. We don't always know the reasons right away. Sometimes, we never know the reasons. But God does...or the 'universe', if you please. And it doesn't owe you an explanation :P So, even though you might think Uday Chopra made a huge mistake by becoming an actor, there is most definitely a good reason in it (I never promised to not be random!)

Miracles happen. This could actually be a subpoint of the all-for-a-reason tenet. Miracles are actually just things happening in reaction to something you have totally forgotten about, so it seems like a miracle in the present! How do I explain....See, for instance you might think your girlfriend forgiving you for being a pig is a miracle (yes I'm sexist too), but it is actually only 'coz she has done...no no, this isn't going well. Find your own example!

The world is made up of good and bad in almost equal measure. There are as many good people out there as there are absolute creeps. Also, each one of us, has both good and evil within. What we unleash is a matter of choice and also a matter of what kinda people we are around.

I'm sorta done ranting for tonight. I didn't go beyond 3 beliefs?! What a shame! My laziness will be the end of me!

2011-01-14T10:08:00.000-08:00

Could it be true that what you do on the first day of the new year is indicative of how you will spend the remaining year?! In my case, it seems to be! I slept most of 1st Jan. Actually...it would be fair to say that I slept through most of Jan!! Not the gosh-its-cold-and-I'm-sick-sleep...but the awww-don't-I-just-looooooooove-sleeping-sleep!! Not good I tell you...not good at all! Specially when you have at least five deadlines zooming towards you at the speed of light!

Things got a little better after a full blown panic attack a few days ago. I feel more 'sorted'. (Actually, what does that mean? I've been saying that a lot! Maybe it's something I picked up in the counselling classes! haha). Motivation to complete the work still alludes me. But I'm getting there. Which is to say that instead of sleeping, I now watch movies and castle. So I'm definitely out of bed! And thanks to watching Social Network, I'm even more in love with Fb :D

Oh n did I tell you about my addiction to Gossip Girl?! One would have thought I had outgrown SweetValley-type stuff. Apparently not. I have just graduated to sleeker things! haha. Maybe you've already seen GG...maybe you loathe it (I did too, initially....but was hooked nevertheless!)...maybe you love it...despite the fact that everyone has slept with everyone (no exaggeration here), the people are good at heart! ;) Honestly! You have to see it to believe it!

2010-12-31T08:29:00.000-08:00

Another year gone by...a decade's gone by in fact! And look at me succumbing to cliches...doing an 'year end' post no less! ;)

But try as much as I may, I can't really do 1...Why?

I am no good at this. I forget. Big Time!

Plus, this doesn't feel like the end of the year. I am in the middle of my year abroad! How can it feel like an end already? :P :P

Having said that, the last calender year has been 'happening'...to say the least. I had a bunch of firsts...including rad stuff like purple hair n tattoo on my back ;) A new relationship...love...rediscovering old friends... A new place and people. A better defined direction...and lots of ups and downs. I am 25. I am in a good place in life. And I have a million things to be thankful for. So let's keep it like that for now. I'll be back with the resolutions :)

Happy new year all of you!

First sight of snow

2010-12-05T10:26:00.000-08:00

About a fortnight ago, I was pleasantly surprised to see that all the grass outside my house had turned a pale silver. It looked as though someone had made hours of painstaking effort to paint every single blade of grass (and all other surfaces)! it looked amazing! My first thought was, 'snow?!'...but that's not what it was. It was frost. And it made everything veryyyyyy pretty :) Everyone's always talking about the snow, how come no one mentioned frost in any positive context?! I was mesmerized by it! (So mesmerized, in fact, that I did not take a single picture!)

It made everything look so...edible!

A week or so passed quite uneventfully. On a Friday, I had some friends over...since the 'party' went on till late, I woke up only the next afternoon. And when I looked out, the sight was no short of breathtaking! I swear it was the most amazing sight ever! Frost has its own charm, but snow wins hands down! :) If ever there was a competition for "forms of precipitation/condensation/whatever-'water-appearing-on-earth'-is-called"...snow would be the clear winner!!

It looked magical! It isn't that I have never seen snow before. I have. But on all previous occasions, I had seen snow in hill stations - places where it was already there...places where it's been there for ages. But in Keele, I saw the landscape go from green to grey to a stunningly spectacular white! It is so personal you know! It is MY snow! :D

I was a li'l disappointed at having missed the first snowfall though...couldn't wait for it to snow again. And when it did...wow! If there's anything that beats the frothy-white that covers everything in sight, it is the beautiful candyfloss-ish tufts of snow descending from the sky. It is magic! It really is!!!

People here talk about the snow being a nuisance and a safety hazard and all that...my sympathies with all those who have to drive through the bad weather. But I don't have to! ;) So might as well enjoy it before I succumb to the characteristic cynicism of the human race! Can't wait for it to snow again :D Snow fight, anyone? :D

2010-11-18T02:55:00.000-08:00

It's been almost a year. And over the last 12 months I have tried at least 1200 times to write about Dennis. But every time I started, I would find it impossible to carry on. Found it way too overwhelming to go on. I would start out with a happy thought about him...and in no time, bam! I could see those last few days and I was a goner. I would think, okay, it's been x months now, surely I'm more in control. Every single time I thought that, I would disappoint myself by breaking down. Looking back, it almost seems like set pattern. (Think about Dennis - feel thankful about the good times - start to pen down something about him - be reminded of his death - cry myself to sleep). But it wasn't. Every time, I was as surprised by my reaction as always. The frequency of the crying spells reduced...the intensity did not. I hardly talked about this. Whenever I did talk about Dennis, it was with a wistful smile and a complete lack of pain. I don't know why it was so easy to talk about his life in someone's company...and so impossible to even think about him when I was alone.

It's still the same. And lately, those last 3-4 days keep running through my mind. Very vivid images. I remember what I wore. I remember when I slept. I remember the song playing on the radio. It still isn't easy to talk about that time. But I have spoken to A and M about it. And even talked about the whole thing in a counselling practice session. It doesn't make things easier. Sure, it is wonderful to know that there are people who care. Yet, I know no one will know. And it isn't anybody's fault. My pain is my own. My guilt is my own. No one else can see my memories...how will they ever understand?!

In which case, why, you may think, am I writing this at all? I wanted the post to be about Dennis. But it ended up being about me. What does that say about me and my belief that grief is very personal, no one really knows what someone else is going through? Well yes, I still believe that no one will know my pain the way I do. But now, after having spoken about it, I also believe that shutting people out isn't the best way to deal with it. They wouldn't know till you tell them what it is like. You might not have the words right now, but try. And it will help them get closer to your reality. Help you to understand your pain better. And eventually, maybe in some tiny little way, make the pain grow dimmer. 'Coz that's what we really want, isn't it? At least that is what I want. I want to remember him fondly, not with remorse. And I never ever want to forget him or 'get over him'.

2010-10-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

Some people have this undeniably irritating quality. It's not any one thing...nothing that I can put my finger on. But there are times...rare times, when I come across someone and instantly start disliking him/her. I come across these 'disliked' people so infrequently, that by the time I meet one I have totally forgotten why I disliked the previous one! So I dunno if I dislike /get put off by the same things or whether it's a whole spectrum of traits!

Not too long ago, I met one such guy. Highly irritating to say the least! Instantly got on my nerves. In my defense, it's not like he wasn't trying. But that came later. The minute I saw him I went...uh oh...not my type. Don't get me wrong now. For all practical purposes, I don't even have a type. I am quite a nice n tolerant person (even if I do say so myself ;) ). And it's not often that I get so majorly put off by a person. But after the not-so-happy start things just went downhill. And anything he said felt like long fingernails being scratched across the blackboard. Seriously! And his voice quality had nothing to with it :P Whatever he said...or did...or didn't do....it just irked me so!

I tried being 'person centred' about it. Unconditional positive regard and all that. Didn't work. I tried ignoring him. Didn't work. I tried being mean to him. Ok, not tried, I was mean ;) Felt good for a bit...but didn't do much either!

I guess the best way would be to steer clear. For my wellbeing. And his :D

Soulmates

2010-10-03T23:52:00.000-07:00

Soul mate - someone who knows you inside out. Someone who understands; someone who cares. Someone who is like no other.

Until not too long ago, I didn't quite believe in the idea of 'soulmates'. It's not like I didn't think people could have soulmates...it's just that I never thought I would ever have one. I never expected to come across anyone who would be so....perfect.

I love the idea of soul mates now. Of finding that one person who mates your soul.

Who are these people then? They don't come with a halo over their heads or flashbulbs across their chest... These are normal everyday people who have the knack to really open up to you...the ability to make you open up unconditionally. And it is a two-way thing...like, to the world both of you may appear to be a block of marble. some people might urge you to carve into a horse...others might say you would make an exquisite rabbit. But it is only the two of you who know what the other's marble really holds. So, your soulmate knows your true potential. And trusts you to realize it even if others can't really see it yet. They are gonna be there till all the extra bits fall off. They are gonna be there to add what needs to be added. And you do the same for them. Knowingly and unknowingly...

2010-10-03T11:33:00.000-07:00

I'm amazed at the positivity flowing in from Delhi about the CWG opening ceremony! Suddenly, everyone is having a "I proud to be Indian" moment. A lot of the people raving about the 'success' were till a few days ago cribbing and cussing and complaining. A little song-dance-n-fanfare and all the glitches are forgotten n forgiven. Very interesting!

I saw the ceremony too. And it was nothing short of spectacular. I was specially enamored by the mehendi-hands bit. Sooooooo cool! :) But till I saw all these Fb status msgs, it was just that - a spectacular show. Now I'm wondering why I was so objective/detached about it! I'm usually the one to see the silver lining before the dark cloud... Dunno! Maybe just a result of too-much-on-my-mind!

2010-08-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

Love. The many splendoured, multi-faceted, much talked about, mostly over-hyped...and even undermined emotion...which manages to cover such a wide variety of human experiences. Something that evokes as much cynicism as gooey romance. Something that is a one word explanation for all things good and bad.

What do I say about love?...so much has been said already! If I did decide to write about it though, it would be something like a Wikipedia post on 'Che Guevara' or the 'French Revolution' or something like that which has numerous sub-points and sub-subpoints and sub-subsubpoints!! You get the point? ;)

Coz there's romantic love, platonic love, unconditional love, friend-ly love, louve, pseudo love, rebellious love, love for animals, love for the country/planet/universe...there's just so many loves!!! Love can be 'pyaar'...or 'mohabbat'...or 'ishq'...each one with its zillion unique connotations! So, no point trying to describe it...But, how about stuff I've read/heard about love. Stuff that defines how I see the...'concept'? Here goes...

The first thing that comes to my mind are Karla's lines from Shantaram: "She loved the guy. She did it for him. She would’ve done anything for him. Some people are like that. Some loves are like that. Most loves are like that, from what I can see. Your heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and your independence. After a while you start throwing people out—your friends, everyone you used to know. And it’s still not enough. The lifeboat is still sinking, and you know it’s going to take you down with it. I’ve seen that happen to a lot of people here. I think that’s why I’m sick of love."

These lines have kinda stayed on in my mind...despite my preoccupation with fairytale-ish happy endings! Don't you see this all around you? People working so hard to keep alive what is evidently a lost cause... It's sad, but it's one of the many things which you come across and think 'it would never happen to me/us'. I'm not sick of love, but I totally understand what Karla's talking about!

"Kehte hain ishq jise Ghalib/ khalal hai dimaag ka"

I am unaware of the source of this piece of wisdom. I love the all-in-the-mind connotation though! :)

"Love is patient, love is kind. Love is slowly losing your mind!"

:D 27 Dresses...no prizes for guessing! Chick-flicks are fulllllll of gyaan!

This one gives me respite on all those blue days :)

"Haar nahi, jeet nahi, jahan pyaar hai/ Jisme haar jeet hai woh kahan pyaar hai"

Mere Yaar Ki Shaadi Hai

As cheezy as it gets. From a Yashraj movie, no less! hehe...I have no idea whose lyrics these are. But they feel so right! What's the point of contested love anyway?

"Sach mere yaar hai/ Bas wohi pyaar hai/ Jiske badle mein koi toh pyaar de/ Baaki bekaar hai...yaar mere"

Sagar

This song made me feel so understood during my teens you know! hehe...Unrequited love has it's own charm! I am kind of a self-confessed champion of the same ;) And though it isn't much fun on most days, it's entertaining to look back on past 'crushes' and fantasize about what could have been :)

"Mohabbat bhi zindagi ki tarah hoti hai, har mod aasan nahi hota, har mod par khushiyan nahi hoti; toh jab hum zindagi ka saath nahi chodte to mohabbat ka saath kyun chod de?"

Mohabbatein

This is the awesomest of the lot. Awesome = cheezy here ;) If, for just a moment, you lay aside your prejudices against Shahrukh Khan and his kinda movies, you'll realize, that these are very profound lines... Don't laugh!!! :P

"...love burns brighter than sunshine...Love will remain a mystery/ but give me your hand and you'll see/ Your heart is keeping time with me..."

Aqualung (from the Soundtrack for 'A Lot Like Love')

My favourite song from my all-time favourite movie! Need I say any more? :)

To label or not to label...?

2010-08-05T08:03:00.001-07:00

All of us use labels. We label things. We label places. We label memories and experiences. But most often, we label people. Not everyone supports the notion though. Some go as far as claiming it to be a discriminatory practice. Is it?

I have been thinking about it. In a way, labels make life more convenient. For instance, if I label someone I know as 'outspoken but good at heart', I would know better than to take offence at every little thing they say. If I label a person as 'selflessly helpful', I know who to go to when I need a favour. Quite convenient, no? No. Because we end up labelling not only people we know, but also ones we barely have any clue about. This is when the harmless categorizing turns to vicious stereotyping. Come to think of it, this is the kinda labelling all those people are harping against!

Hmm...fine. So do we not label people at all? I don't think that's going to work! It's quite a necessary-evil kinda situation!

Then there's this whole issue about names of labels. So people with low IQ can't be termed as mentally challenged. People with schizophrenia can't be called schizophrenics. Fat people can't be called fat. Poor people can't be called poor. So we have terms like 'healthy' and 'economically disadvantaged' and god-knows-what-not to refer to these things. Aren't we just complicating simple stuff? I am all for equal rights and all that...and I'm not saying this just 'coz I'm worried about what Saloli might say! ;) ...but I'm the kind who believes in the 'a rose called by any other name would smell just as sweet' philosophy! We need to start respecting people. True. Irrespective of their health or monetary status. Irrespective of their colour, shape, social standing, gender and all possible categories along which we discriminate! BUT, calling them something else is not helping in anyone! People who referred to special children as "paagal" may not use the latter term any more (at least publicly), but there's hardly any change in perception! The paranoia continues. The misgivings are still in place.

Is it enough to blame the label for it then? What needs to change is not the name but it's connotation. Easier said than done, of course. But there are people working on it. Quite diligently. The least we can do is try to de-clutter our mind of the complex labels and look for the person behind it. It is just a tiny amount of extra effort. Wouldn't hurt to try :)

2010-07-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

The top reason for why you should watch Inception is that everyone is talking about it and its mighty irritating to be left out of a good conversation ;) I wouldn't say it's wrongly hyped. But honestly, it's too much of an effort for a movie! As in, you have to pay 100% attention to it alllllllllll through. That's pretty taxing if you ask me!

Super cool concept. A li'l too 'technical' for my liking. But I like the idea of getting into someone's subconscious....or sharing a dream. Designing and manipulating gets a bit too much though! And it beats me why there's so much wreckage...what's with these hollywood film makers huh? I think they should stick to rom-com/chick-flicks :) I love those best :)

2010-07-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

People around me - my age and younger (!) - have been getting married at an almost alarming rate. It's like jo dekho shaadi kar raha hai! (thankfully talks about mine have been put off for at least another year).

Since so many of them are tying the knot, it's definitely more a norm than a deviation from it! Though I can't help wondering why. Is it because we have been conditioned to believe that it's something inevitable? 'Coz it's seen as a part of 'socially acceptable' living? ...'coz that's what people do?

I have nothing against marriage. In fact I fantasize quite a happy one for myself. But in my fairy-tale infested mind I'd like to believe that people should marry when they find someone they think they can spend the rest of their life with (...or at least a considerable part of it!). And it shouldn't be a conscious search. Like, if it happens, great. If it doesn't, no big deal. Your life shouldn't rest on it.

So yea, marry if you want to. (Personally the idea all but freaks me out!). But don't be deluded by outrageous arguments such as 'if not now, then never'. Who says so?! Who is limiting us? And why are we letting them? Why can't I find love at 30? Or 45? What renders me un-marriageable after 26?? Don't let the numbers get in the way! Even biological clocks can be managed ;)

I Hate Luv Storys

2010-07-03T07:05:00.000-07:00

NOTE: The following review is a result of the author's unfailing love for everything Karan Johar makes and everything Imran Khan features in.

After ages, a movie that calls for a review! Okay not a review review...but there's so much to say about the movie. Definitely more than the 140 characters that twitter provides for :P

From the minute I saw its first promo, I was suuuuuper excited about seeing the movie! It was such a slick n well-made teaser! But then, these days we have promos looking better than the actual movie! Luckily, it did not disappoint :)

IHLS is as typical as a Hindi movie can get without boring you to death. It's your regular chick-flick: 1.cynical boy meets dreamy girl 2.they fight incessantly till one day they end up friends 3.girl falls for boy only to realize he's not quite at the same place 4. boy falls for girl only to realize SHE is now back with the ex 5.a lot of drama n song-n-dance later...both of them are finally at the same place at the same time! And then it's happily ever after :)

Just the way I like it :) :D With all the prettiness that comes with a Karan Johar production. Good looking people..funny punchlines...relate-able humor. The entire package. The lead pair looks terrific together. It's asking for too much to expect them to act as well! ;) Imran Khan looks super uncomfortable dancing...n mosta the time you have to take a guess as to what exactly his expression meant. But hey! He is awfully cute :) 10 on 10 for cuteness. And he's gotten better in comparison to Jaane Tu and Luck...so there's definitely scope for improvement! My opinion that he would make a better Edward than Pattinson has been reinforced! Maybe they deliberately gave him that look. Dunno. But if anyone can pull it off, it's him!

As for the other half of the 'lead pair'...well, I wish I could say she has improved too :( Pretty face. Can't act for nuts. Yet. We will pray for her to get better.

The good part is, the supporting actors are all very good. Right from Ketaki Dave to Samir Soni. And Huzefa from Rishtadotcom (dunno his name). Umm...not Samir Dattani though ;) And the best part is the dialogues! Super funny. Mostly cheezy. But had me crackin' up all the time!

All in all, a good film. PERFECT if you ask me. If melodrama and predictability gets on your nerves though, you'd best avoid it.

2010-06-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

I've stopped counting the months and days and weeks...

time has passed by quite inconsistently since you left

it's been days since I last sobbed for you

or has it been weeks?

life reminds me of you

death reminds me of you

reminds me of the helplessness i felt that day

the helplessness that i continue to feel...

i know you had to go one day

i knew it would be tough

but 'tough' doesn't even start to describe how it feels

i don't want you to see me cry

i hope you are busy making new friends...

but i also hope you think of me sometimes

i hope you wait up till it's time for me to come up there

so we can be together again

so that i get to say sorry for everything i didn't do

for everything that i did...

2010-05-15T05:48:00.000-07:00

Everyone is entitled to have their own opinions. I am a firm believer in live-n-let-live. Despite trying very hard though, I just can't seem to digest the prejudices people have! And that too such unfounded prejudices. I have a tendency to take offence at the slightest racist comment. Somehow, it seems like a personal insult. 'Coz I know at least one person belonging to the culture/community/group in question. And the instinctive loyalty eggs me on. How can I let someone get away with such an insulting remark about HER/ HIM? I tend to take things too personally. I guess that's not the smartest thing to do. But then, how can I let someone get away with something I know has no basis in reality! Outrageous assumptions, or rather generalizations, from people about things they have no clue about just get to me!

Stereotypes that I'm most touchy about -

1. Homosexuality is abnormal.

2. Muslims cannot be trusted

And anything about

3. 'South Indians'

4. Women

Gettalife ALREADY!

2010-05-07T21:06:00.001-07:00

One day it's a student out with a 'friend'. The other it's a working woman out 'late'. Yet another day it's a hapless 5 year old who is where she should ideally be the safest - 'home'!

But safe is something that seems to be asking for too much when it comes to women. Each time a rape comes to light, so does the disturbing public opinion. She should have been more careful. She should have avoided being out so late. She shouldn't have dressed that way. She should have bloody well not been a woman!! It's outrageous how people veryyyy conveniently blame the victim. So, FYI, NO girl wants it. NO girl ASKS for it. No matter how she is dressed. No matter where she is. No matter what time it is. I agree it's best to be vigilant at all times, to take adequate 'precaution'. But that's just a way to avert the crisis for a while and not the solution itself!

'You hear about all these rapes all the time, why do you have to be out so late?' Well, you also hear about people dying in road accidents all the time. Doesn't stop you from driving like a maniac anyway, does it? And this is no way the same anyway! Please stop being such pigs about women's dignity. You will never really know what it is like till it happens to someone too close for comfort. And I really hope it never comes to that.

An Evening in Paharganj

2010-04-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

Paharganj is one of those areas in your city that you always 'hear about' from people who are not from here. Yesterday was the first time that I went there. And honestly, before this, hadn't ever thought of visiting the place. So it was with a mix of apprehension and curiosity that I went there.

Apparently, the easiest way to get there is to park you car at the Ramakrishna Ashram Metro Station and walk down. But that's based on the assumption that you manage to get a spot in the overcrowded parking lot (No prizes for guessing that I didn't)! So, the best-er way is to take a metro from CP (or wherever). Enough about getting there though...

What I saw of Paharganj was a never-ending (or so Shilpa claims) road lined with Janpath-esque shops - colorful jholas and skirts, dingy artefacts and junk jewellery. But there was more to it. More than the cafes that lined the street. More than the hippie-looking phoren people. More than the pot-holed street that could barely be walked on. There is something about Paharganj that's eerie and welcoming at the same time. It's like a generous host who has a big smile and open arms but whose eyes warn you to not try and get too close.

After haggling for dirt cheap clothes (that looked second hand to say the least) we went to the (apparently) much talked about Sam's Cafe. The entrance makes it look like any other local cafe. Quite deceptive! 'Coz if you take it for what it first appears to be, you miss out on the best part - the rooftop seating area. It's on the third floor. And you HAVE TO see Dilli lit up from up there! Makes you fall in love with the city all over again :)

The staff lets you be. The crowd's mostly the backpacking kids. The menu looks extremely tempting. The food...uh...well, let's just say there's more to Sam's cafe than the food! ;)

safe or not?

2010-04-01T04:55:00.000-07:00

From as long back as internet n chat-rooms (and now 'social networking') have been, there has also been loads written and said about the creepy things that can happen to you as a result of these. Back during the ICQ n Yahoo Chat days, I felt that these were just unfair apprehensions of parents to whom these were alien concepts. As any average adolescent, I was wary of the control my parents were allegedly trying to impose! But honestly, their fears don't seem so bizarre anymore. I mean, people DO get killed. Yea well, it is a 1-in-a-100 scenario. Maybe the odds are even bleaker. But still!

Then again, I have met some very awesome people through the same medium . And well, I have been quite lucky(came with its own share of heartache n disappointments of course)... No psychotic stalkers or rapists in disguise! So is it just pure luck? Or have I been smart enough to ward off the anti-social? I really don't know! At the same time, I don't vouch for online relationships for everyone. It's very easy to get swept away by something that could pretty well be a figment of your imagination. People who are too 'real' find this whole internet-as-a-means-of-meeting-new-people to be a waste of time. And for people who are too unreal, it's plain dangerous!

Hmm...which implies that only if you are smart enough like me ( ;) )...that is, a healthy mix of fantasy n reality, you are safe! But that's too much to ask for in every person. So, here's a few pointers:

1. As colonial as it may sound, stick to people who type good english (or whichever language u chat in!...bad grammar is such a turn off!)... In terms of 'net friends' at least, this is a sure-shot way of weeding out people I know I can do without!

2. Steer clear of people who seem overly enthusiastic

(a combination of the above points make sure you are saved from the "lets do frandship" and "wanna hav fun" varieties)

3. There is no need to share personal info such as your name and whereabouts till you are sufficiently comfortable with a person. This includes phone numbers! :P Take it slow.

4. Do NOT encourage people who want to meet you even before they've had a chance to get to know you. The 'how will we get to know each other if we don't meet' argument is the lamest ever!

What else...what else....oh what the heck! There are no rules! Just use your head. And pray that you have my luck ;)

Draupadi

2010-03-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

Mahabharat has been my favourite epic since forever. There is so much drama in it. And such solid grounding in reality nevertheless. The present-day-relevance is pretty hard to miss. And I guess the nature of the epic is such, that it can be interpreted for all times. Ageless. B.R.Chopra’s television series made it more accessible to an entire generation. Arjun, Bheeshma, Kunti, Duryodhan and Shakuni became household names thanks to the immensely popular series. I was mesmerised by it as a child. Smitten by the fancy bows-n-arrows and the now-gaudy costumes. Back then Draupadi was without doubt, a major character. But surprisingly, I had never given her much thought. I considered Arjun to be a loving husband. I saw Bheem as a noble person for bringing her blood from Dushasan’s thigh to quench her thirst of revenge. I knew she had been ‘apamaanit’. But never really felt for her.

Then I read this book by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni – Palace of Illusions, which brought the queen of Indraprastha to the forefront of my consciousness. The book is a piece of fiction based on another – the Mahabharat. Reading it is like seeing the Mahabharat upside-down! It presents Drauapadi’s point of view (a vantage point for looking at the way the Great War unfolded). Gives voice to her angst, her pain. And the best part is it does not reduce her to a mere victim of circumstances. It portrays her as someone who though bound by fate, makes her choices and stands by them. Who, despite losing more than she ever imagined, retains her pride and dignity. Even though she continues to commit mistakes, she is far truer about these than any of the nobler characters of the story. (Yudhishthir comes across just the way I’d always though him to be – a rule bound fool. Too ‘dharmanishtha’ for his own good.)

So, Draupadi, or Panchali, holds a special place in my heart. I think she epitomizes women, all women. Who fought odds, was humiliated, paid for others’ mistakes…but was resilient nevertheless. She is a symbol of all our stereotypes, yet manages to break the mould. Very feminine...at the same time, very in-your-face. She’s charming and brave...loving and shrewd...apprehensive and self-confident...

The author tries to convey time and again that her vengefulness marked her downfall. Perhaps it did. But what else is one supposed to do? Forgive and forget??? I think not! And that’s where the other interpretation for the great lady comes in. This play titled Draupadi – We Are So Different Now (stellar performances by Shivani Pasrich and others). It is a tale of a modern day Draupadi. Or what women today could learn from her. Visually it was very appealing. The background music was great too! The first half was quite convincing. The fierce protectiveness that she feels for Maya is quite believable. But then, Draupadi decides to forgive, to let go. I, for one, do not buy the logic. Well, for someone who has burnt for vengeance for centuries, and whose wrongdoers are long dead, it’s alright. But a woman who was raped by her own brother-in-law? To forgive him within a lifetime is quite unfathomable for me. And why should she? The play shows Maya (the other girl) as a calmer, more fulfilled person after forgiving. Before that, she was shown to be one frustrated and ever-angry woman who could think of nothing but the bad guy’s destruction. Perhaps that isn’t the best way to deal with the stuff. And perhaps, at some level, I agree with Draupadi about not letting the desire for revenge rule your existence. However, ‘forgiving’ someone who has caused you so much pain is something I can’t really digest. Why is it expected out of women to be forgiving? Is the feeling of revenge not encouraged in women for it is seen as a masculine quality? Is it only men who have the right to indulge in settling of scores?? If you have been wronged, violated...don’t sit back and forgive. It’s high time we stopped exalting practices that confirm men’s self-serving biases and make women feel inferior!

Unconditional love

2010-03-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

Unconditional love – it’s quite something, isn’t it? I, for one, find it an immensely potent concept. Something which has the capability to make the most unlikely person thrive; something that I wish each person would experience in his or her lifetime. I claim to love my friends and family unconditionally. But how unconditional is this love, actually?

Is there any such thing as unconditional love? As a concept, it sounds immensely powerful. But in reality, does is even exist? Unconditional positive regard, yes, I’m willing to accept. But I have my doubts about the former. The people I claim to love unconditionally, do I really? I do love them a LOT, but that is not to say that I don’t expect anything in return. If nothing else, I expect to be loved back unconditionally. That itself negates the very basis of the concept, doesn’t it?

I was telling a friend of mine how another super-close friend had fallen almost outta touch over the last few months, when I thought I needed her the most.. And something he said struck a chord…he said..whatever happened to unconditional love? Are they just two words that have ceased to mean anything? That kinda jolted me outta my self-pitying state. Whatever she was doing or not doing…did it have to affect the way I felt for her? Does my love for her depend on anything? On the number of times we speak? On the amount of info we have about each other’s lives? Even if she never called again, would that change the fact that she has been a super friend to me always? He said I should just let her be. Maybe there are things going on in her life that do not allow her to be as much in touch as before. Does that change everything?! I don’t think so. Sometimes the most common-sense things need to be spelled out!

Women's Reservation Bill

2010-03-11T06:01:00.000-08:00

I am not very well informed about all things 'political'. But as far as common sense, and my personal opinion go, I think this one-third reservation for women in the parliament is a step in the wrong direction. Shouldn't the focus be on 'empowering' women to rise to the positions of MPs and MLAs, rather than serving the opportunity on a platter?! And if our past is anything to go by, the situation's not gonna be much different from the lot of SCs, STs and OBCs! No amount of quotas have made their condition better. In fact, barring a few, they continue to languish in poverty; and if anything, their condition only worsens!

I don't see what good having 33% women in the parliament in going to do. Whatever happened to gender equality? This bill sends out a message that women are weak and can't really make it to mainstream politics without a crutch. So hey, instead of teaching them how to walk, let's distribute some fancy wheel chairs! Such a shame!

What needs to be enforced is nomination of candidates on the basis of merit. Irrespective of whether they are a man or woman. And if the so called 'education system' does its part, this should not be much of a problem, right? I know the solution isn't simple. But that's the whole point! Instead of looking for quick-fix remedies, we should be focusing on the bigger picture...

2010-03-05T20:18:00.000-08:00

One of the newspapers featured a story on how celebs who endorse hockey have failed to turn up for the matches. I found it quite amusing. I mean, it's nice that the Hockey World Cup has got as much publicity as it has. But, dude! It's come like a month before the actual event. What did they expect?! People who are sports fanatics (like most men in my family) will follow any sport whatsoever, publicity notwithstanding. But non-sport people (like me) or even people committed to a particular game for ages, are not gonna develop an interest in hockey overnight! So holding Sehwag or PC responsible for its mediocre popularity is lame (if not funny)! And the argument that filmstars show up for IPL matches n not hockey ones is sooooo silly. Hello! Surely there's some difference between appearing in an ad for a product and owning a team?!

Though all this silly-ness apart, hockey IS our national game. Hope it gets its due!

2010-02-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

I am crazy about movies. Especially Hindi movies. And contrary to popular belief, I read only HT City/Delhi Times/ Brunch. Oh not to forget What's Hot! hehe...

It's no secret that I adore Imran Khan's weekly columns. The guy is actually very good at it. Hence, even though I didn't think he'd actually read it, I sent him a mail. Mentioned my blog in it too. And guess what????? He actually mentioned that in his column this week!!!!!!! How cool is that!!???? Here are his exact words: "Aditi, I actually remember you messaging me on twitter... but you don’t tweet very often. I checked out your blog, I like the way you write. Kind of has a similar feel to my style, I think (minus the emoticons). You should write more frequently, though."

Ahhh.......feels like I've died n reached heaven. This is even better than the 80% discount at Landmark!

The rational part of me says that since half the world's girls are called Aditi (Exaggeration is my middle name btw), and the reply so vague...it could be addressing anyone. And it's not necessary that the real guy does the replying no? Must be some overpaid assistant. But being rational is so DULL. How many Aditis write blogs n don't 'tweet too often' and use a lotta emoticons??? (Rational me: Quite a few). Oh shut up rational me!!!

What do you hate?

2010-02-21T09:26:00.000-08:00

I hate terrorism. Whatever anyone's justification about the 'validity' of such acts...i just hate it. I was asked sometime last year what was it that I hated the most. I'd said (without giving it much thought) that I found quite a few things unpleasant. But hate..no. Just after uttering the sentence though, i knew it wasn't true. Some things deserve hatred. You just cannot be 'mildly disturbed' about certain things. Terrorism figures on the list. It's a subpoint of gross injustice!! So, what i hate most is INJUSTICE. Of any kind. How do i justify the fact that innocent people Die. Just like that. Ugghh.

Hating people is no good though. But then, I have a feeling that this belief holds for as long as my fragile world is intact and free of the cracks n fissures caused by events like those of 26/11 and German Bakery :(

1st Week at Gym

2010-02-07T20:12:00.000-08:00

Day 1 - Indifferent
Day 2 - "Yes! At this rate I'm gonna be all svelte by the end of this month!"
Day 3 - Ache n stiffness in non-existant body parts..."I think I'll give this fitness thing a miss"
Day 4 - Panting n huffing..."This has to get better!"
Day 5 - The stiffness is gone...on the road to fitness. "Yahoo!"
Day 6 - "Help!!!! The instructor's trying to kill me!!!"

what goes on within

2010-02-03T03:59:00.000-08:00

They tell me I should talk.

I wish I could. I wish I had words to voice what I feel.

They say talking would make me feel better, lighter – I’d give anything to get rid of the crushing weight that now seems to be permanently latched to my heart.

But it is not so much lack of desire to talk, as the inability to express what’s going on within. If I had words for those feelings, I would speak. But the images that haunt me are…inexplicable. Hurt, anger, grief, betrayal…these words seems just so…inadequate!

I remember things as they had been not too long ago. Vivid pictures of what was not my ‘past’ but ‘present’…these pictures are too clear to be real. Other memories fade, but these stand out. Like they were shot on an especially superior film…or painted in the most brilliant colors. Perhaps my mind adds dimensions of its own, making everything else seem drab in comparison.

The pain – if that’s what this is, has me in its hold. They say I look like a tortured being. Maybe they are right…I haven’t had the heart to look at myself in days. Someone recently mentioned that I looked ‘broken’. That’s closer to how I feel.

They tell me I will heal. I wish I could hope, but all I see is jagged wounds. Or are those scars that are healing?

2010-01-14T10:10:00.001-08:00

She hates being alone

She can’t stand crowds

Paradox, you may say

But I understand somehow

The two might seem different

But are more similar than apart

‘Coz loneliness

Is what lies at the heart.

Twilight

2010-01-13T22:07:00.000-08:00

Braving friends’ /family’s don’t-tell-me-you-hadn’t-read it-till-now-comments…I recently read Twilight and the books that followed. And it’s safe to say, I haven’t been hooked-on to any series like this since Harry Potter! Of course, it is foolish to compare the two. I’m just talking about the addictiveness factor here. Having blackmailed everyone who’d read the books/seen the movies into not uttering a Word about it, when I was around…it was fun reading without having the slightest clue about what was next! Okay, I did know that Bella and Edward wouldn’t ‘die’ in the first three books...lol... But that was it.

So anyway, I loved the books. When I started out with Twilight, it seemed like your regular high-school drama. And essentially, that’s what it is – girl falls for the most unattainable boy and by some sheer luck, boy falls for her too. Quite simple. So I was a li'l wary…coz hey! I have been outta high school for over half a decade now…But it wasn’t quite as run-of-the-mill as I expected it to be. By the time Edward realized that he was irrevocably in love with Bella, I had let my guard down and was totally enamored by the story. I just had to read the whole thing. The entire series was just so…'gripping’! (yes, the flavor is essentially teenage-romance, but what the heck ;) ) And after reading the draft of Midnight Sun (here), it felt kinda incomplete and frustrating to not have Edward’s take on everything!!! Let’s all request the author to do the entire series from his point of view! ;)

Out of the lot, Breaking Dawn is my favorite! I love the filmy flavor! :D n I louuuve Renesmee! Perfectly concluded! New Moon is great too (considering the sucker I am for happy-endings, this is no surprise). Bella’s insanity seemed so justified! Eclipse though was a super bummer. What with Jacob being a royal pain and Edward being frustratingly nice. Ughh. All the more reason why I wanted to know what he was thinking! You know, after a bit, I started feeling inadequate for not being able to read people’s thoughts! Haha…

As for the movie…the dumbest thing one can do with a movie adapted from a book is to expect it to live up to the book. It can’t. It mostly doesn’t. (Unless it is Namesake) So all I wanted to see was whether the characters looked like what I had imagined them to be...I wanted to see the Cullens... And I wanted to see what Forks was like. And the school they went to. And La Push…

I think it’s Stephanie Meyers fault :) She makes Edward seem so flawlessly perfect in the books that no one can possibly match up to the description. And Robert Pattinson…well, he is just too human! He’s a cute boy, no doubt…and I loved him as Cedric Diggory and love the connection with HP. But as Edward…nah-ah. But then, I don’t think anyone else would measure up either, so we’ll let that be. Bella was…pretty close. Though I had imagined someone more petite. The others pretty much fit the bill. Just that, weren’t vampires supposed to be white white? Bella and Esme were the same colour!

All this ranting apart, the books were a good distraction. When I really needed one. Do you notice how the time just before you fall asleep is the time you are only with yourself. I wouldn’t call that loneliness. But it’s a sorta not-so-great situation when you have a painful lot on your mind that you’re trying to push out of your consciousness.

Now that this is done, any more suggestions? I’m up for more distraction! :)

2010-01-02T01:57:00.000-08:00

One reason why I don't do year-end posts is that usually I can think back to only a few months. Or rather, whatever's happened in the last few months overshadows the rest because of its recency. Same thing this year. But I came across this application called "My Year in Status" on Fb...and going through a year's statuses took me to places I had all but forgotten. So much happened this year. Major things that could have entire posts dedicated to them. Also a few seemingly inconsequential ones that made the year what it was. That make me what I am. And since the application wouldn't let me publish all my statuses, I am putting them up here. To remind me of the year that was. To make me see the :( as well as the :) 'Coz after going through the list...the year looked like there was more 'happy' than 'sad'...or maybe I just don't put up everything on Fb. Here are the highlights:

JANUARY

had d most unexpectedly cool start to the new year!

"if ur happy n u know it...la la la..."

mants m.a. to end alredy!!!!!!!

FEBRUARY

had a gooooooooood day :)

is in a strangely relaxed state ... (when i know i Shouldn't!)

hereby declares data collection as 'done' :D

MARCH

it's done! Feels great!

y cudn't m.a. end with the dissertation?!

"Holi is my fav festival again!"

today was niiiiice :)

white noise

is happy again *grin* *grin*

loves south campus library

we should have earth hour every weekend!

saw ducklings today! real ones! which swam!

APRIL

personality type: procrastinating :(

messed up :|

maybe i'll worry for the next viva...

there was egg curry n veg biryani in canteen today!

is addicted to word challenge now... (damn y have i been gettin such a crappy score?!)

finally a respectable score on word challenge! phew! :D

a week-long brek...just when it'd started feeling like exams!

ToP, PMS and an upset stomach...quite a week!

current addiction: ht blogs.

wants to vote. for no one.

y can't a draw be a draw?! :(

has never been so sick of exams before

almost done with m.a. n baby sister all chic-type on fb...i feel ooooold

"i gave my first ever job interview today!" :)

MAY

looking fwd to this week :) and the ones that'll follow :)

words of wisdom: sometimes, it's best 2 jst shut up!!

super messed up with 'time' but still on fb...

ah! Gazalee... :D

is enjoying the much needed time-out. life's good :)

time just seems to fly in pune!!! just yday it looked like i had a week...now i can barely see a couple of days more! sheh!

JUNE

is back...back to my pink comp...back to unlimited wireless internet..back home! :D

is berozgaar

bye-bye for a while..i think ;)

time travelled for the first time ever! yay!

has never bin away from FB for so long!! (pawan r u listening?? :P )

"when in Rome, do as Romans do"...umm...uhhh...wat exactly do romans do???!

is gna take bk loadsa memories n a few good friends from the euro tour...

the buildings here seem right outta a harry poter movie! (one of them actually is)

how would u feel if a random box of chocolates turned out 2 b the yummiest liquor chocs ever! :D

thank you-please-thank you please-thank you -thank you-please...ughh!

is feeling nostalgic for no reason.

JULY

Back n totally lukkhi

is off to Jaipur

GO SID!! Ice Age rocks!! :)

is super relieved! Thank u Roddick!!

it's unethical to switch off ur fone on ur bday!!!!!!

♪♪ ajj din chadheya.............tere rang warga.....♪♪

delhi's got rains :) d nice non-muggy ones finally! :)

needs 2 c HP6 b4 the whole world forms an opinion against it! half the world's alredy there...

:) :) :)

WILL find work!

ritesh said "being unemployed is the last module of your course" :)

loves everything that's got anything 2 do wid harry potter :D

AUGUST

my lappy is beemar..boohooooo :'(

shahid kapoor is (currently) eyecandy of the highest order!

Tried reallyyyyy hard to like Love-aaj-kal..bt alas!

bombay actually seemed nice last night...maybe coz i kno im gna be outta here soon :)

swine flu go away!!

they held up shahrukh khan..hawww!

thank u skype :) yday was fun!!!

our DC videos r soooooooooo much fun to watch!!! hilarious!!! :D :D

drained............

unemployed no more! yippeeeeee! :D

SEPTEMBER

no comp..no fb. y did i want to get a job?!

its raining! its raining! and i can hear it in my room! :D

sleepy sunday :)

bunny's bday 2moro! yay :D

stuffed!!!!!! big chill never disappoints :D

gets put off by the mention of religion in places where it shouldn't be considered important

joined twitter [n im 'following' imran khan :D ]

sleep's on my mind. Sunday is NOT weekend...working saturdays r terrible terrible things!

needs serious deaddiction from fb!

DD turned 50 :) I wish it was still as good. I wish there was anything as good!

giggly girls all the way! :D

been all smiles all day :) well, almlst all day ;) id mubaraq yall!

bright new day...it better b good! ;)

yay yay yay! festive season's here :) n a TWO day weekend!! :D

kehte hain jo hota hai achhe ke liye hota hai. really?

OCTOBER

"iktara" from Wake Up Sid...wow....

"सुन रही हूँ सुध बुध खो के कोई मैं कहानी ..पूरी कहानी है क्या, किसे है पता........ मैं तो किसी की होके, ये भी न जानी, रुत है ये दो पल की या.... रहेगी सदा" awwwww :)

winter will b here...sometime! ;)

wake up sid: movie of the year!!!! i looooved it !! :D the euphoria will last for a while ;)

diwali time! :D

wats worse...shallow or hollow?

diwali is sooooo colorful :) love the lit up houses all over! :) :)

i DON'T get the point of working on a festival day! I don't LIKE the idea of working on a festival day!!!!

is a happy person today

has a PLAN. Well...kinda! ;)

dis aquarium thing has such spooky music! n so many ppl on it alredy!

NOVEMBER

evry1's going away in november! :(

Zzzzzzzzz..........

i dont c wat ne1 can c in ne1 else...but u.....!

such an exciting match! n still such a bummer :(

spent the day doing what i'm best at...lazing around :)

it's mryn's bday!! :) :) :)

mindless movie+3giggly girls+nice weather = a sunday well spent :)

i'm in love with the songs from Ajab prem ki watever watever!

thoko-d PCR van!

Saloni Taneja I love u! thnx for makin me feel less foolish!! ;)

should waste less time being blue. like Mrynal Seewooruthun says, we should remembr that blue is also for sky n sea ;)

thank u god for the world so sweet. thank u god for the food we eat. thank u god for the birds that sing. Thank You God For EVERYthing!

every1 sez i should think of all the happy moments we had with him...all i can think of is the fact that there won't be any more of those :(

DECEMBER

madhuri's back :)

i'm so relieved it went well. Banashree Deka- i'm gna miss inkblot!

farmville wouldn't open! :( stupid stupid connection!!!

'mess' seems like an understatement.

Saloni's play at Sri Ram Centre today at 6!!

******************************************************************

That's too long already...but there are other things that didn't get mentioned...like the fact that Shweta had a baby boy and Svet got married! like my brother is back to delhi for good. and more...

I will always associate this year with losing Dennis. But there was more to it...so much more.

2009-11-27T03:38:00.000-08:00

if i shut my mind and don't let myself think

if i pretend that there is lots to do and hardly any time

then the pain doesn't seem so bad...it is negligible.

it's almost as if nothing happened

i've been trying

and i am getting better

at fooling myself into believing that everything is okay

but if i drop my guard for even a moment

the flood of emotions is too overpowering...

i'm doing quite well

if i say so myself

maybe, if i try a lil harder, i will forget about the pain.

2009-11-17T04:41:00.000-08:00

Let's start with a basic premise - I am an idiot. I accept it full-fledgedly. And I was duped outta good two hundred rupees. Out of sheer foolishness on my part. Here's how.

I was parking my car in some lane this afternoon. When two girls, maybe a couple of years younger than me, came up with a wicker basket full of 10 rupee notes just when I was getting outta the car. So these sweet young girls tell me that they are collecting money for chadhao-ing on Ajmer sharif. I kinda liked them (do Not ask why!) so decided to humor them by handing over a tenner. Dus rupaye dene se kya farak padta hai na vaise bhi.
So anyway, the one who was holding a basket then told me that I should give 2 notes out of which one she will hand me back immediately. I did so. After which she said I should give a bigger denomination note. I gave a hundred rupee note. (I am smartness personified!)... To which she objected saying I should hand two notes of the same denomination at the same time. Since I had had enough of it (or so I thought) I told them to buzz off. And she got all serious and said stuff like 'Baba aankhein le lega' n the like. I am usually not a superstitious person. But I didn't want to take chances (which makes me a superstitious person now!). I handed over another 100 note. And then she said, 'ye paise hum dargah pe chadhaenge, aur tumhe dugune hokar milenege'. I was totally miffed by then! I was like, what-the-hell! Gimme back my money! And she went on with more scary stuff about how 'baba' would not forgive me if i didn't give 'hastey hastey'. And you know what?! I did not say anything. I am such an idiot!!!
I don't know if it's just me, or do these things happen otherwise as well. All of you, please don;t stop to chat up people like that. It's unfair. It's cheap. And God most definitely doesn't want money outta cheating! If only I had thought of this earlier! :(
Now that I think of what really happened in those 2 minutes...I wonder what made me give in so easily. Was it their charm? Or just my inability to be assertive? I could have raised an alarm. It was just a couple of puny girls. Why didn't I? And I never even give anything to people who are begging on the signals. What was I thinking!

2009-11-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

"Power in all relationships lies with the one who cares less...but power is not happiness"

-Connor Mead (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, 2009)

Movies are so typical sometimes. They feed you the same mush, one way or the other. But sometimes...it still moves me. Like the lines above.

Hollow or shallow?

2009-10-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

What's worse...hollow or shallow? Shallow sounds still manageable...it's more like a beginning. You could graduate to 'deep'. Not necessarily, but there's still a chance! But hollow is something that's....something that hurts. Like, something that used to have substance starts hollowing out. Something that used to be good starts going bad from within.
I've been thinking of these two in terms of relationships. Lately, certain relations have turned out to be pretty shallow. That felt weird for a day. But i'm okay with it. It's a no-big-deal situation. Certain others seem to have become hollow. Not suddenly. Pretty gradual actually. But it's much much worse. Now that realization has finally dawned, it seems irreversible. I know it isn't. Maybe i can make things better. What if i don't want to?! What if 'making things okay' is just a pattern? What if it is like a temporary filling in the hollowness which eventually wears out...And makes the relationship worse? Like the way they fill up potholes on our roads?
I'd take shallow over hollow i think. What about you?

2009-10-08T10:07:00.000-07:00

Sid from Wake Up Sid is by far the Most lovable movie character till date (and the fact that RK is lookin so hot throughout just adds to his charm!). He is just so supremely adorable! He's even nicer than Aditya Kashyap of Jab We Met...or all the Prems and Rajs... In comparison, even Oliver from A Lot Like Love and Noah from The Notebook seem pale! Just imagine!!
He's eyecandy... but isn't perfect. He has his own flaws. Each more endearing than the other in my opinion ;) And he seems so real. And unreal at the same time! Like, he is too good to be true. But he isn't this always-right-goodboy-person either. Neither is he the stereotypical 'bad-guy' that girls are 'supoosed to' fall for. What I liked best about him, I think, is the fact that he is a Nice person. Awwwww :)

As for the movie, pretty well made yaa! Looks lovely (Thank you Karan Johar). And the direction n all that is in place too. So the story flows pretty smoothly without any major glitches. And the music if FAB!!!!! What's even better is that it totally fits in the movie. Goes with the mood of the story completely! Couldn't help comparing this with Love Aaj Kal (another movie with fab music) though! In that one, the songs seem like such a waste!! I mean, ajj din chadheya was like MAJOR bummer in the movie man!! Anyhoo...! Wake Up Sid does full justice to everything. Very 'paisa vasool' as they call it ;) Kept me in a euphoric mood for quite a while. Been in a happy-bubble since last night. hehe... Feel good movie of the year. Though minus the usual mush. Near perfect blend of fantasy n fact. Louved it. You must've guessed as much by now ;)

Goonja sa hai koi iktara iktara
Goonja sa hai koi iktara.... :)

2009-09-16T10:59:00.001-07:00

Doordarshan turned 50 today! How cool is that! But I've always thought of DD as being oooooold.....so 50 is kinda young na? Byomkesh Bakshi n Buniyad were my favs from the 'olden days'
What were yours?!

2009-09-08T10:33:00.000-07:00

You mess up my mind
You play with my thoughts
You sweep me off my feet
You take my breath away
But the exhiliration dies too soon
You leave me all alone
In the middle of the song
Clutching my heart in my fist
I wait for the next time
Not knowing if it will come at all
I curse myself for letting you do that to me
For letting you mess with my mind!

2009-09-04T09:56:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsuGpBSSyvQ

This sounds justtttttttt like Pusa road. Pehle wala! Doesn't it? Doesn't it??!!!

2009-09-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

First job. First day at work. Not very eventful. And since I had a lot of time to think, I couldn’t refrain from drawing comparisons between Swan and the current place. At Swan, I was an intern. And all my anxieties apart, I was not really “responsible” for much. Here, I am an EMPLOYEE. The word has such an ominous ring to it! And I am not ‘sitting on the fence’ anymore…I am a part of the circus!
A major difference…is that I did not get a panic attack imagining all sorts of worst case scenarios about what the people would be like, since Bunny’s there! :-) So, I was unusually at ease on my very first day. She’s been filling me in abt the official and unofficial details. After being stranded all alone for the training, it’s great to have someone around. Someone with whom I don’t have to go through the colleague>>acquaintance>>friend routine before getting comfy with. So, YAY for Bunny! :)
Things I miss about Swan, which I think every office needs…a) a clean loo …this one is downright dingy! Uggghhhhh b) windows! It rained today and I couldn’t see it! The office is in the basement…I didn’t even KNOW that it was raining. Major bummer!! c) Balcony/ terrace. There HAS to be a place where ppl can chill without going out of office. I want balcony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One big difference here is, though no one claims to be passionate about what they are doing (which is not to say they R’nt!), they don’t crib either. And they don’t pack up their bags n leave as soon as office time is up. Wow. At six, I had to use a huge amount of self-restrain to not leave. Just b’coz no one else was! Haha
These are my initial thoughts however and I would be glad to consider other options. Lol.

2009-07-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

For the last two months, I’ve been on a looooong break. Almost immediately after the final exams. It’s been a great vacation. And mostly, I’ve had a great time ;)
I want to do a day-wise thingy for the euro trip…at least the first 10 days n the convocation (doesn’t leave out much then!). But I know me. And I’m too lazy for all this…Still, I’ll give it a shot.

This particular trip had First-Time-Ever written all over it. First time abroad. And all the firsts associated with it – change in time-zone, jet-lag (or the lack of it), a convocation ceremony (though not mine), pubs in oxford (or anywhere for that matter!), and basically being in a “foreign” place.

The flight to London was good. I got a little impatient coz I’ve never sat in a plane for more than two-n-half hours. But I got to see Kismat Konnection. So I was happy. Hehe. Being the only one among the four of us who was literally stepping outta India for the very first time, I knew that a lotta gyaan was gonna come my way all the time. I took it pretty well too. Well, for almost the entire journey. But more about that later.

I had white wine onboard. It wasn't very nice. And my dad's coke looked so much better in comparison!! So I had coke on the way back..n it was too little compared to the drinks the others had! life just isn't fair!!! ha!
more later...laziness has set in :)

2009-06-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

I've been away from the blog for ages now!! For a bit I had just lost interest. And then I didn't get the time!!
Now that I'm (almost)back from a near perfect holiday, I'm gonna be writing a lot. Or so I think :)

2009-05-01T00:11:00.000-07:00

एक ओस की बून्द,

एक घास का तिनका,

हैं तो बहुत छोटे

पर क्या समझते हो मोल इनका ?

हवा के झोंकों में झूमते हुए पेड़

धूप का स्पर्श, बादलों की रेल .

छोटी छोटी चीज़ें

जो शायद अनदेखी हो जाएं,

रोज़ की भाग दौड़ में

चिडिया और कोयल किसे याद आए?

बड़े की आस को ग़लत नही मानती

लेकिन फिर भी

मैं इतना हूँ जानती,

एक एक बूँद से ही सागर है बनता,

नन्ही कलियों से गुलशन है खिलता .

तो छूना अगर है आसमान,

तो यह न भूलो

सदियों पर भी रहता है

हर छोटे पल का पहरा.

तो हर पल का मोल जानो

छोटी-छोटी बातों में छिपी

बड़ी खुशियों को पहचानो .

Voting

2009-04-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

It’s really nice that voting is the new cool thing this year. Most people are quite upbeat that they are gonna vote/ have voted. I like the enthusiasm. I like the optimism.

But just a word of caution…amidst all the ‘jaago re’ hoopla, don’t forget that voting is just one step. It’s not the be-all-n-end-all of all our problems. No matter what these awareness campaigns say, “ek sahi vote” isn’t really going to change everything. It is definitely a beginning of change. Let’s not forget it’s just that. A beginning. An important first step. If we want all the things we do – better governance, cleaner politics, honest opportunities, faster development – mere voting isn’t getting us anywhere. Coz the people we vote for are still the same. I don’t want to be a cynic. I want to vote too (mostly coz I also think it’s cool). But for whom?? I’ve been trying to get hold of the list of candidates in my constituency without any success. And neither of the leading parties appeals much to me. Quite a bleak situation if you think of it! I don’t want to vote just for the heck of it!

And the point is, even if I do figure out one decent candidate and vote for him/her and Even if he/she gets elected (though that’s being a bit too optimistic!)…then what? If that person belongs to one of the major parties, he/she will soon ‘mould’ into their line of thought. If they are an independent candidate, what can they do in a scenario when the ruling party is just not interested in the ‘lesser’ issues?!

Actually, the point is not how bad things are. The point is how much worse will I let them get till I do something about it. Maybe the excitement about these elections is a good way to wake up. To “jaago” in the true sense. To not just vote coz it’s a smart thing, but to vote smartly. To be politically aware and active. To pick up a broom and start cleaning my home. To stop wondering and start doing. To shake myself outta apathy. These elections may not mend everything right away, but they are definitely an eye-opener. I’ll always remember 2009 as the year I decided to ‘grow up’.

school stuff

2009-04-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

It's almost the end of grad college, and I've been thinking of school. haha...no connection.

My most special school time memory is from when I was in the 12th standard. It was almost the end of school. We had assembled in the audi to practice for the candle light ceremony. And a lot of people were getting teary. I, on the other hand, was sobbing. It had nothing to do with the fact that school life was coming to an end. I had misplaced a friend’s diary (the one in which everyone writes stuff about you and sticks pictures and says ‘don’t ever change’ and ‘friends forever’…an invaluable possession!). There was some confusion about who was supposed to have had it last, and it so happened that I was the culprit. And though logically, it was my friend who should’ve been distraught, it was I who broke down under self-blame, shame and guilt. I felt like the sickest, most irresponsible person alive. Hence the sobbing. In school (and even now) I was hardly the kind of person who’d cry in public, much less in front of the entire school.
One of my teachers, Mrs. A, saw me crying and called me over. When everyone left, she asked me what the matter was. She looked so worried, perhaps expecting me to come out with a life-threatening secret ;) Telling her what really was the matter made me feel a tad bit silly. But she was super sweet about it. She gave me a hug and told me it was okay and that such things happen. Come to think of it, it wasn’t such a big deal, this gesture. But somehow, it’s etched in my mind as an unforgettable moment. I have been in awe of Mrs. A all my life. She is one person I, and mosta my friends, aspire to be like. She’s the reason I’m doing what I’m doing. And she also came across as this highly no-nonsense person. So a hug from her was a Big deal. But it wasn’t just that. I was overwhelmed coz she cared enough to ask. I felt so loved at that moment. Another teacher (also a fab person and great teacher) also asked what was wrong. I felt kinda guilty to have got all this attention after committing an almost-crime. But hey! I deserved a lil pep-up before I left school, and I have always got more than I deserved! :)

Dennis

2009-03-31T11:15:00.000-07:00

Dennis turns 10 this week. It’s a time to celebrate. But I’m a little worried too. At the back of my mind, there is this voice which keeps saying a dog lives for around ten years. Which is not a nice thing. Around ten?! Is that more than ten or less? I know people whose dogs died before reaching the age of ten...

What a morbid thing to talk about on someone’s b’day though! Lemme tell you about Dennis! Funnily, I’ve never written about him before. Not even passing mention. Strange! Considering the fact that he’s a part of everything I do.

So this dude, Dennis, he’s a fine brown Labrador. The prettiest and nicest and the cutest and the smartest, in my fair opinion. I got him as a present when I was 12. Actually, I have been accused of emotionally blackmailing Girish kaka into getting him. But that’s so not true! ;) I’ve always wanted a dog. And I’d thought up all sortsa names for when I actually got one. And Dennis wasn’t one of them (Mad would remember…hehe). But when we got him home n someone suggested this name, it totally fit. Now I don’t even remember who gave him his name. [Btw, I get bugged when people go like ‘Dennis as in Dennis-the-menace?’. Ugghh no! No relation! But now I’m bored of explaining.]

Dennis. He’s all that I ever wanted my dog to be. And much more. Over the years, he’s ceased to be ‘my dog’. He’s family. He’s not a friend, he’s my baby. I love him more than anyone else. There is so much about Dennis. His eccentricities, his wild days as a pup (okay wild years…he was a pup till a couple of yrs ago..hehe), his nautanki, his adorable eyes…the way he seeks attention, the way he makes me feel loved…I don’t know what to write that’d fit a blog post!

He’s been with me for ten long years now. For me, he is unconditional love personified. Or dogified if you please : ) He is my Hachiko. Whenever I get back home, he’s always as happy to see me. We should learn a thing or two from him about expressing ourselves. He makes me feel wanted. It’s always great to come back home to Dennis. Right now, everyone at home is asleep in their rooms. Dennis is sleeping too, but in the hall, next to me. He won’t go inside till I do. These days I study in the hall, and no matter how late I stay up, he accompanies me till I’m done. He just won't leave. Not even if I try to get him to go in! He would come right back and sit with me till I switch off all lights and declare that I’m gonna sleep and that he should too. It’s really nice to have someone dote on you like that. Maybe he doesn’t really dote on me. Maybe I’m just projecting stuff that I want on him. It’s still as sweet of him. More about him later. I hate to wake him up in the middle of the night! God bless all dogs of the world.

Weekend

2009-03-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

Such amazing weather...a brilliant weekend...so many things to write about... Where do I start? How about the "Earth Hour"!

Honestly, I don't know much about it. I'd read at a couple of places that on Saturday, everyone should switch off all unnecessary lights/electric stuff for an hour 'if you love your planet'. Oh well, that I do, but it seemed like such a fun thing too! And since my cousins were coming over, an hour in 'darkness' seemed like a supercool idea, love for planet or not! I loved power cuts as a kid. All the shadow games. And antakshari! And the whole time it was raining, with lightning and thunder n wind! It was one hour well spent.

It was so nice to know that a lotta other people observed it too :) I like the concept of many people coming together. Or rather, doing the same thing 'coz they believe in it. Damn cool. So all those of you who switched off all lights and enjoyed the darkness, way to go! Maybe we should get together to do more such stuff. Like pledging a day to be absolutely non-corrupt or something. For instance, on that day everyone follows the traffic rules and all, and if they are caught for speeding or anything, they get a chalaan rather than paying the cop for 'settlement'. How about a day for being kind? A week of honest effort (and no procrastrination!)? Hmm...we could if we wanted to you know! This is that power-of-youth they keep harping about na? And while we're at it, let's not forget the causes that got us all excited a few months ago and are now lying under a layer of fine dust. I'm talking about the terror attacks. Wassup on that front? We still remember all our angry outbursts, don't we?

Coming back to the cause at hand, this sitting in the darkness thing is cooler on another level. I was just thinking...there's so much light around us. As in, the artificial one - bulbs, tubelights, halogen, flourescent, neon, CFL. But what about light within? In these times of super brightness, are the people as enlightened? Or is the outside light taken as a substitute for the inner one? Maybe we need to sit in the dark once in a while to peep in. To find that light that lies within each one of us. Earth hour-like things could be a good way to connect with yourself. It's not a vague airy-fairy concept. A lot of us are in-the-dark about quite a few things. I, for one, keep putting off 'figuring out' stuff for myself. If only I would sit back and introspect...maybe I'd outshine all the streetlights! hehe. I'm not saying all of us become the Buddha or anything like that. But just that, if we make an effort to get to know ourselves better, we'd be more at peace with ourself and with others. That couldn't possibly be a bad thing, eh?

So, earth hour was cool because, a. it gave me a chance to enjoy antakshari n twenty questions, b. a lotta electricity was saved, and c. I got to glimpse my inner light ;) and jhaado some more gyan :D

ooh n lest I forget! I saw ducklings at the Hauz Khas lake! Real yellow ones. And a few green-black ones too. They were adorable!! And the place is damn cool! The fort/madarsa is an amazing structure too. With eerie steps and all that! All those who are in Delhi, must visit!

2009-03-18T07:57:00.000-07:00

The problem with being a romantic is that you start believing in the fairy tales... Start hoping that the frog is actually a prince. And not just one frog, but all the frogs that you come across. I think that's my problem. I have seen too much mush, read too much mush...and now, willingly or unwillingly, I look for the same in real life. And well, no surprises for guessing, it ain't actually there... Or maybe I'm looking at the wrong places? Maybe the fairy tales didn't get it all wrong. Maybe there are happy endings, just that something about getting there has changed? I can't really figure out what though! Any suggestions?

2009-03-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

I'm done with my dissertation...it's come out nice (could've been better, but hey! it's my first). And I had this sorta 'hangover' once it was done! Like, I felt sleepy n half-dizzy for almost three days...much better now ;) Though I can't get myself back into 'work mode' no matter how hard I try. Not that I've tried too hard! hehe
And on top of that, my mind's in a whirl right now...ugghhh!

2009-02-26T20:57:00.000-08:00

I got a personal farewell yesterday. The first ever! As in, the farewell in 12th and grad were for the whole class...This one was for ME :) Oh wait...I hadn't attended my grad farewell. Anyway!

It was my last day of training yesterday. Kinda. It's more like a two month break. But I dunno yet. So anyway! It was a little weird being the focus-person. I was all squirmy n broad-smileyed...

But all the akwardness apart...I loooooove the people at work. How very sweet of them. I'm gonna miss training. But later. Right now I have too much trauma-n-coping on my mind! Oh n the terrible part is, whenever I tell anyone about my diss topic...they get all uncomfy n sad type. Oho!! :( I know it's not something to be happy about...but...oho!

Rehna tu, hai jaise tu/thoda sa dard tu…thodaa…sukoon!

2009-02-22T01:43:00.000-08:00

Dilli 6. Great movie. An out-n-out entertainer. The kind you can call typical-Bollywood-masala. But it’s meaningful masala. And it deals with something that’s close to my heart – communal harmony and communal discord.
Amidst all the Indian madness (what else do you call breaking-news-crazy-baba/gau mata-following-kaala-bandar-smitten people!?), the movie succinctly shows how fickle we are. How we are moist-eyed at the Ram-Lila, but blatantly flout what we praise. Despite all our breast-beating ‘bout Dilli-walon ka ‘bada dil’ and ‘mehmaano ki khatirdari’, we are in fact, very shallow people. I soooooo agree! We are wonderful, we are full of eccentricities…and we love ourselves for that. We should. But we should also take responsibility for our flaws…for being hypocrites, for being champions of mediocrity and bhed-chaal. Why are people so enraged at seeing the ‘poor depiction’ of India in Slumdog (which btw, is a fab movie)? Is it that we can’t really take the truth? Are we so infatuated with our self-professed image of people-loving -people, that we will disregard any evidence to the contrary? Yes, there are a million good things about India. Many which each Indian should be proud of. But parents don’t disown their dud-offspring while celebrating the genius, do they? At least the sensible ones don’t ;) The apnapan of Delhi, or even India, to me, is an over-hyped concept. It’s a façade. Or maybe it isn’t…it really is up to us, isn’t it??
Anyway, more about the movie. Abhishek Bachchan has re-clinched his position as my personal favorite. Yes AB, you can heave that sigh-of-relief now…lol. He’s back…and how! He is good. Realy really good. And pretty convincing at what he does. Sonam Kapoor doesn’t have much to do. Neither does the much hyped ‘masakalli’! The songs are mostly out-of-nowhere। But the direction/editing or whatever the on-screen presentation is called is neat. In a different sorta way. This movie is no RDB. It’s not the kind that would inspire a cult movement. But how I wish it makes all of us see how meaningless the Hindu-Muslim debate is. And how tiny things are blown scarily outta proportion… I wish its viewers take home “the moral of the story”. I soooooo wish they do.

ज़र्रे ज़र्रे में उसका नूर है
झाँक ख़ुद में वो ना तुझ से दूर है।
इश्क है उस से तो सब से इश्क कर
इस इबादत का येही दस्तूर है।

2009-02-15T07:42:00.000-08:00

Amidst all the bickering and politicking and complaining, I had forgotten that having cousins over is the most FUN thing ever!! Even if it's just one of them, it makes things so much brighter! Last night, we had the most mundane conversation ever, where my contribution was negligible... but my super cool bhai-behen were discussing rough columns and margins (on exam papers) so as to decide who should get how much space on the bed on each side. It was veryyyyy entertaining!
And then we went to see Billu Barber yesterday, despite knowing that it's not going to be anything great! I looooove doing that! hehe..n there was no convincing, managing to do! wow! :) And the movie was pretty nothing...What is wrong with the word barber now?? Or with any word for that matter? Ughh!!
Anyway, the bottom line is, having cousins over rocks! And we're planning to see Dilli6 too!...how cool is that? ;)
P.S. Shaadis are fun if you know just a handful of people present and there's good food!

2009-02-10T19:01:00.000-08:00

When Mahabharat had "ravan ki daasiyan"

[ooh n check out the pink shoes!]
p.s. can they sue me for this???

thanx but no thanx!

2009-02-02T22:20:00.000-08:00

this is the most un-asked, unwarranted and Ludicrous piece of advice EVER! That too from some random person! hmph!
A: anythn new at ur end?
me: new...toh nuthing much
A: any guy?
me: lol
nah
A: y?
me: dunno!
A: he he
me: wassup wid u?
A: same old story
A: b a lil hot
u will get guys

huh??

to whomsoever it may concern

2009-01-16T23:38:00.000-08:00

Free advice.
Points to remember about your dissertation (coming from someone in the middle of one, this is as genuine as it gets!):
If there are 'x' number of things that can go wrong, be assured, all of them will. There are no two ways about it. And you will realize how many ways things can go wrong in! A simple thing like data collection is no less than the maze at the end of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. With dragons and spells vying for your attention at every turn. Well, almost!
All those people who tell you that 'well begun is better done' are absolutely right. At least in the context of dissertations. I prefered to emulate those who started late and still managed to get their work done in time. Not the smartest choice.
And then, the computer aspect. This morning, I had an almost heart attack 'coz my usually no-nonsense, docile comp suddenly went off! The screen went blank and the green light kept flickering. Nothing would revive it. Not random key-pressing, not turning it upside down, not even telling it how much I loved it! And the weirdest part is, when I tried opening the CD drive, it opened! Spooky!
After around 10 traumatic minutes, it suddenly came back to life. Miracles do happen! (why just yesterday a plane landed on water!). And the message on the screen said "windows has just recovered from an unlikely shutdown". Gawd, and I recovered from an almost-stopped-heart!
So, make sure that all your data has backup. Specially people who no longer write stuff and type every little thing. Mail it as attachments to various accounts. Various ppl if possible. Burn Cds, do whatcver. But there's no way out if you have just one place of storage and that gets damaged. I can't believe I'm saying that. It's such a tech-savvy sounding thing na? haha That's what dissertations do to you. They turn morons into experts. Non-believers into fanatics. Perfectly sane people into lunatics!
And final point to remember, which I am saying due to sheer optimism and not personal experience (yet), the whole thing is totally worth it. I am hoping that at the end of this dissertation I can look back and feel proud of the effort I put in :)

2009

2009-01-06T09:06:00.000-08:00

This one's begun well. I don't remember how 2008 started. I don't even remember if I made any resolutions last year. As far as I remember, I didn't. Anyway! : )Till day before, I didn't have any for this year either. But now I do. Spurred by whatever happened yesterday.

It was the kinda start I had hardly expected. I met two of my closest friends from school after ages. It wasn't really the time. I think I have met them on and off last year (though not too often)...It was like...no, it wasn't even like the 'old times' actually. It was like the "new" times.

Yesterday was perhaps the first time I acknowledged the fact that I had not been very nice to either of them for quite some time. Yea I was mad at them for not keeping in touch..but I dealt with it most foolishly...by reminding them at every possible instance how they were not making an effort but I was. I don't how I expected that to make them keep in touch...all I managed to do was drive them farther away. So, resolution no.1 is that I will try not to be mean (unless absolutely necessary..;) ).
The other resoultions are the usual...losing weight, not obsessing about falling in love, spending less time on unproductive things etc. haha

two books and a movie

2008-12-30T00:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, it’s actually not about two books and a movie, but this sounded cool: )
These hols have been near-perfect. I have been reading books and watching movies. And have even managed to get some work done, mostly thanks to Shilpa!

Message from Nam. My first by Danielle Steel. It was a good read. And any book that can make me cry can’t be bad. Hehe. No seriously, a boring book can’t touch you enough, right? And I was sooooo relieved that it was a happy ending. It was kinda funny how all the men Paxton loved died eventually! Very melodramatic. But well written. And held my attention till the end. Not proper chick-lit, more filmy than girly I guess.

Madagascar 2. …we like to…move it! What do I say about the sequel to my all-time-fav-animated-movie! It was great! Hilarious from start to end…with a generous dose of heart-tugging moments. King Julian is the best. The penguins were brilliant too. Such meanies!!! Hehe… baki sab were okay…not great as individuals…but they make a lovely gang! And I kept hearing Ross when Melman spoke. Overall, good movie. As a sequel, 4 on 5. But the first one is undoubtedly incomparable!

Oye Lucky Lucky Oye. Much anticipated and honestly, pretty disappointing. I mean, I don’t know what to make of it! In the beginning I kept hoping that the story would pick up pace soon…but that never happened. Maybe I shouldn’t have expected a funny movie. But the promos suggested that it was…and the only funny moments were those I’d already seen in the promos! Abhay Deol is cute. Apart from that, I wonder what got the movie such raving reviews!

Remember Me. Sophie Kinsella’s latest. Hilarious. Kinsella is at her witty best in this one. But somehow, the story is kinda bland. Again, this could be a case of wrong expectations. I expected the love story to be central to the plot. It was, in a way…but not quite. And the guy she falls for … his character isn’t that well sketched out. I had a great time reading it. But don’t expect the magic of Can You Keep a Secret or Undomestic Goddess. The plot somehow reminded me of 13 Going on 30 (the movie is better!). But it’s chick-lit. And good too. Not great, but good. 3 stars on 5.

And finally…*drum roll* Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. This movie was all that I had hoped it would be. It was pathetic, just as Saloni had warned me. It was veryyyyy cute, just as Praggy had said. And it was VERY SRK…Ranjoo is seldom wrong! Hehe I looooooove Shahrukh Khan. It was a cheesy movie. My first reaction to it (about half an hour into the movie) was ‘mindless-cinema-at-it’s-best’. That kinda changed as the movie progressed. It was mindless alright. But not as-good-as-it-gets. SRK cannot go wrong, and he was brilliant as always. Yea yea, half the world (n a few more) think that he overacts, repeats the same mushy stuff over n over again n endorses a genre of cinema that’s mindless and demeaning at the same time. WHATEVER!

The movie dragged on a bit. It could’ve been made slicker. And the woman is shown to be a very stupid character. And there are too many stereotypes in-your-face. The girl has to marry coz her father is about to die and she has no other relatives; a good wife cooks, cleans, looks pretty and cleans some more; a caring husband shifts to the barsati, vacating the room for his new bride. Ughhhh…all this is not nice!! And the Suri character, who is charmingly cute throughout the movie, turns into an MCP-ish creature when the girl falls for his alt-ego (who by the way is a sad clone of all of SRK’s movie characters put together! But only he could pull off a spoof on himself!).
Okay, the movie has its flaws, and only die-hard melodrama buffs like me might like it. Might.
Now for the good things about it. 1. SRK 2. Tujhme rab dikhta hai n Haule haule. Lovely songs. 4. the haveli/ghar And 3. the video for Phir milenge chalte chalte. Me likes. Not to forget the brilliant explanation of “macho” given by Vinay Pathak!
And the award for the longest post on this blog goes to… he he

Now I know...

2008-12-22T06:27:00.000-08:00

When I was in school...mosta my friends would write “Hugh Grant” in the favourite actor section of slam books (which btw were a rage ‘back then’...wouldn’t be surprised if they’re uncool now..). I never really gave it much thought and given my absolute ignorance for everything un-bollywood, I wasn’t even sure who Hugh Grant was. I always associated the name with someone who was...uh...not him.
The reason why I’m mentioning this now is that I just saw ‘Music and Lyrics’ and ‘Love Actually’...and for the first time in 23 years of my existence I found out who Hugh Grant IS! Talk about Ignorance!!!! And NOW I understand WHY so many people have/had a crush on him! He is adorable! Really! (I’m sure all of you already know that...anyway!). As in, not just your yea-this-one-is-cute-ok...but oh-my-god-is-he-adorable-or-what!
Ahh...is twenty three too old to have ‘crushes’?? I guess not... : ) I’d read in some book (emm...about Labradors) that a lab is old only when he is treated as being old. Same applies to me I guess! So for the next forty years or so... I can’t feel “old”! Remind me if I forget! ;)
Chickflicks rock! N yea Runjoo, so does Chicklit! : D

2008-12-18T07:19:00.000-08:00

Current mood: happy
I started the data collection for my dissertation today (though calling it data collection sounds a li’l disrespectful towards the “sample”...another derogatory term!!)
So anyway...I’m sooooooo glad that I took up the topic I have taken up : ) I know nothing else could’ve given me this kinda satisfaction. Or maybe it could have...but I’m so happy that I have chosen a topic I feel for. I mean, when I started out...it was kinda half-hearted. I was not sure whether this was the best I could do. And till yesterday, I wasn’t sure if I had tried hard enough while selecting the research topic. Not anymore. My topic isn’t “happy” like I always wanted...I started out looking for something that would be fun to research. But you know...I’m not too sure yet...but I think trauma is my thing. Not that I get a kick outta hearing people’s traumatic stories...but it makes me feel good that I am there for people...for people who badly need to vent. I don’t have any illusions that I’m a saviour or messiah or an angel of good will ;) I know I am doing this for myself...and that’s what makes me happier.
And like I’d said before...reaching out to someone, forming a bond...that’s what I like best about my work. And now my research! : ) I know it’s not gonna be a bed-of-roses wala scenario...but I’m ready for the uncertainities...n I’m sure I am going to be a better person at the end of this project. Amen : )

2008-12-06T03:16:00.000-08:00

कितनी भोली, कितनी प्यारी

सब पशुओं से न्यारी गाय ।

सारा दूध हमे दे देती,

आओ इसे पिलाये चाय।

2008-12-01T21:54:00.000-08:00

I was glued to the t.v. from the minute I heard about the attacks. Usually, I tend to avoid watching t.v. news 'coz they sensationalize every little thing. And watching the same clips over n over n over again gets extremely frustrating. But this time round, the actual event in itself was so sensational that there was little scope for our journos to add any more spice to. Every two minutes something new would happen. Every time I flipped channels, there was a new development. And for a change, the reporting seemed more or less responsible. Thank God.
Watching a national horror unfold on television...that's something none of us would ever have imagined! No wonder we were stuck to our t.v. sets...quite unable to do/think much...there was a constant prayer on our lips...please God...not him/her...which soon turned to Please make it stop...please!!
They did manage to terorize us, no doubt. But they also managed to bring us closer together. We were no longer Hindu or Muslim, north Indian or south Indian, this or that...we were ONE. I'm saying were 'coz now that the worst is over, we are back to our usual bickering and finger pointing and cynical commenting. The news reporters have gone back to replaying the same clips over n over and highlighting random comments by random people and blaming the political class. Well...there is a lot of anger among people right now. And rightly so. But we need to take this forward. Merely blaming someone for what has happened is not what will help. (And I really want to know what good is some minister's resignation now???) Hundreds of people have been killed through no fault of theirs. And perhaps many more will be...unless we do something about it. I'm upset too. And I really want all this to stop...let's all start thinking. Let's come up with concrete things that can be done which can prevent a repetition of such a carnage...and perhaps make us better equipped to handle disasters in the future. Please give it a thought.

Bombay

2008-11-28T22:04:00.000-08:00

bombay...the city i love to hate...the city millions have embraced so lovingly as their own...the city where my roots partly lie (though i barely acknowledge it)...not mumbai, but Bombay...though honeslty, it makes no difference. call it anything.

what took place over the last three days was no short of terrifying. in that sense, those dastardly terrorists have suceeded in doing what they set out to achieve...they have spread terror. and how! when this started on wednesday night, it had seemed like one of the many terror attacks we have seen over the last few years. the kinds that evoke the reaction oh-how-sad-but-life-must-go-on. Honestly, I think a lot of us have become kinda desensitized towards such attacks. but what unfolded over the next fifty odd hours was nothing like Anything any of us had witnessed EVER. The news coverage seemed right out of an action movie.
Yea they terrorised us...but I hope it will make us stronger. And I really hope the divisive tactics don't work!!
It was terrible...Terrible! It's tough for all of us who saw it...but it's a million times worse for people who lost loved ones in the terror attack. Those people did not deserve such a fate...it's just so unfair!
Right now...too many thoughts are running amok within me...I'm just posting to say I care. My way of showing solidarity with the survivors and the victims and the heroes of this attack maybe...
God be with them... more later.

2008-11-23T05:21:00.001-08:00

i've been trying to avoid posting about movies...but this one was really good. i'm talking about summer 2007. remember? the one with sikandar kher, gul panang etc? very good promos (at least i thought so) and veryyyyy forgettable reviews...! from what i remember, sikandar kher was the only one who got 'applauded' for the effort...which is kinda surprising! Coz no offence to anyone, but he wasn't that great. n honestly, he looks kinda repulsive (i hope he gets better a few years later like most star kids manage to).
so anyway, coming back to the main thing...it was a very good movie. but no wonder it was a super flop. the first half goes about establishing how the protagonist (kher) and his gang (a smooth-talker, a hung-over ex, a despo and a preacher) are the representatives of the care-a-damn generation...sadly, the effort is a lil short of pathetic. or no, it Is pathetic. and these people have hideous nicknames like 'butter' and 'pepsi' and 'mother T' (which Could be short for mother teresa...who knows!) so, after a casual attempt at college politics backfires, this gang of five decides to escape...their idea of escape? going for the mandatory 'rural service' visit. What's funny is, they just 'decide' to go, and the college provides a nice bus n all to get them to their destined centre. just the five of them! very la-la-land types!
once they get there, the plan is to get the required certs n go on a month-long holiday. but circumstances are such that they get sucked into the village issues...what follows is a grim portrayal of what is now typical of a lot of villages in maharashtra and many other states. farmers being tortured by money lenders...being forced to give up their land, the dignity of their women...their lives...everything!
it's an issue hardly talked about...i know mere talking doesn't get problem solved, but it's an essential first step no?
i'd rate this as a "must watch"...if for nothing else, then just to bring to our consciousness the enormity of the problem which we are more or less blind to.

2008-11-21T19:03:00.000-08:00

I was recently told by someone at work that their first impression of me wasn't that great because, in their own words - "tum hasti bohot thi". That wasn't a very nice thing to hear!! I mean, kya matlab hai? That I smile too much or that I laugh too much?! Umm...actually I do both of these quite a lot. And it had never seemed like a problem. But now that I think of it, smiling is my preferred expression and I laugh as response to a lot of things. Gosh! I must come across as such a dumb person!! In a conversation, I hardly have anything intelligent/interesting to say, so I generally nod-n-smile-n-listen. That sounds infinitely stupid now! (I can picture myself now...like a circus clown...with a big red-n-white smile painted on my face...all happy-n-Bozo...ewwww!)
As a second thought, isn't smiling better than having a straight or grumpy face? And doesn't laughter act as an anti-ageing-something?! But I'd prefer 'wiser' to 'younger' anyday! I like to picture myself as an intelligent, laidback, composed kinda person...and such a comment, which is quite unlike how I try to portray myself, is highly detrimental to my self concept!!! Sheh! Kay karu? ;)

2008-11-18T03:15:00.000-08:00

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."
M Scott Peck
I am kinda looking for 'different ways' which just might lead (not to 'truer answers') but more meaningful questions...Confusion isn't a pleasant state to be in. But this time 'round, it isn't the vague anxiety of the GAD kind. It's more specific...and I Know what I'm concerned about. Which is good. It's a step ahead. Yay

Fashion

2008-10-31T20:34:00.000-07:00

About Fashion...go watch it!!! It's actually a nice movie...a good watch....a typical Madhur-Bhandarkar-kinda thing. Oh n watch it for Mugdha Godse!! :)
Nice storyline n all...n since i know nothing of fashion or the 'fashion-world' ;) i have no parameters to do a reality-congruency-check. One thing that struck me though was that men in this industry are either gay or sick b******s or both. If the portrayl is to be believed, straight men are crooked. The only nice men are gay. And then too, you can't just assume that aman is nice coz he's gay. ahh....story of my life! hahaha
The music is great too. Like very apt types...dunno if that's ripped from somewhere! but watevr!

2008-10-19T07:27:00.000-07:00

silence.
have you felt it
i don't think i have...ever before
this craving to speak
and not knowing whom to turn to
when even thoughts go mum
and you have not even yourself for company
lonely amidst a crowd
i don't know what to say
not beacuse i don't have the words
but because my voice fails me
instead, tears are all that i can manage
but even those get dried up after a while
i wonder who would understand
i wonder what to say
no voices within
no thoughts, no images
an unknown void
more perplexing than disturbing
why am i feeling this?
what is it that wouldn't let go?

2008-10-15T10:10:00.000-07:00

I am what i think I am...the way I see myself, the way I interpret how others see me, and the way I always have been. All this is nothing but a bunch of perceptions and memories . And in a way, I am nothing without them.

If, for instance, I forget all that's happened to me ever..all that I've done and said...I wouldn't know myself! And that's a scary thought. Maybe that's why I want people I love to know me...so that even when I don't know me, there's still someone who does! But what's the point of someone knowing me if i myself don't...?

disturbing as that thought is...it's scarier to think of a loved one forgetting me...How painful it must be, to be wiped outta someone's life! If v r defined by our needs, then i will be defined by my need for acceptance. Give me two people who like me for what i am and i'll ask for nothing more. but what if one of these ppl 'forgets' me?

FAQs

2008-09-29T22:51:00.000-07:00

FAQ #1 What are you doing these days?

FAQ #2 What next??

these days, i'm being asked these quetions almost as often as 'how r u?'...the first one, in itself, is quite harmless. and till last year, all it drew was impressed/admiring/approving raised eyebrows/nods/smiles...it would usually go like - "What are you doing these days?"...to which i'd say (and still do)..."Masters in xyz from blah univ"...

Ahh...nice....

But now, they're no longer satisfied with that... it's usually (read as most often) followed by the 2nd one...the one which gives me sweaty palms and bouts of anxiety...What next?

Pehle toh if asked this, i'd just say i'm planning to study further (whatever dat means!!)...but now ppl don't stop at that...they want to know What i'll be studying next? why i'll be studying it? what does it mean? what kinda work do i want to do? Oho!! don't ppl have other things to worry about? or is there some sadistic pleasure in quizzing ppl bout things that they are most uncertain about? Till some time ago, FAQ #1 got me more nervous (perhaps coz then the 2nd one wasn't in the picture)...coz for a while, i was doing nothing! ok, i was in between courses, half the world goes through it...but still!...moral of the story is, FAQ#2 will seem inconsequential in a while too...Till then, wish me happy figuring out! :)

My people 2

2008-09-23T03:12:00.000-07:00

...then there is X...another friend from school. we have never been out of touch, I think... anyway, can't think of a time when we were! (and for once v'll assume that my memory is sound! ) my relationship with X..at least the initial days of it, were based on a very precarious foundation...after all, she was the-best-friend's-new-friend...someone I viewed with a fair amount of suspicion...and why not! for all I knew, she was a probable 'interloper' ! hehe...Thankfully she wasn't :) Currently, both of us reinforce each other's perceived coolness..lol...

X has been a tremendous support always...she has this almost unreal knack for being...I dunno, honest? real? something like that...as in, there's nothing fake about her. Ever. Which I think is a very commendable thing! Another thing about her is, it's almost like an unconscious life-goal for X to 'be there' for people. Don't know how she manages, but she does it. Does X come across as an angel after all this? well even if she does, she Isn't! Honestly! hehe...
A lot of my friends are results of 'bad starts'! The worst I guess was with C...I thought her to be this suuuuuuuperrr mean woman initially. someone who was too uptight for me...and look at us now! one of my closessssssttttttt frenz today..thank god 1st impressions aren't last impressions always!

2008-09-16T01:37:00.001-07:00

Even a clock that does not work is right twice a day. ~Polish Proverb

interesting eh?

my people - 1

2008-09-14T10:05:00.000-07:00

My people
There are quite a few of those. And I want to write about them. Jlt…!
Lets start with A…my oldest friend. We were inseparable as kids, A n me. Best friends since nursery…and best-friends-forever I’d always thought. But sometime between 7th and 8th std, A n I lost touch, and each other. Didn’t even realize it till a few years ago when I was in Pune and wondered how easily I had let go of such a spl person…but God bless orkut a million times. ‘coz that’s where I found A again! It has absolutely proved its worth, this orkut thing! That’s one of the reasons why, despite the constant comparisons with fb, wayn, shelfari, hi5 n wat not, I still looooove orkut... We still havn’t met, (inspite making a zillion plans!) n now coz A has moved to Pune! What a shame! But its ok, coz A is back…and we can talk bout stuff, bout times that only the two of us shared. A knows the kid-me! And its such fun reminiscing! Hail orkut!
Since A exited, B has been a constant in my life. The best-friend-for-life then…and is the same even today. (thank god for that!...no credit to orkut!) We’ve shared our ‘growing up’ days…in school at least. We were the typical gal-pals back in school. Had to tell each other every single thing that happened to us everyday! That amounted to loooooong phone convos…okay, make that endless phone convos!! :) There was a time when I just couldn’t think of anything minus B. she’s a very vibrant person, our B. And she has this midas touch sorta thing, she just livens up everything! The most boring incident sounds like an adventure when B is a part of it.hehe...But then we kinda grew up…we still share big-time, but it isn’t the same anymore…sometimes I miss the way it was…but then…anyway! its more of a ‘mature-bond’ now. We know we will always be there for each other, no matter what. Maybe it’s the different cities and different sets of friends that did us in (whatever that means, it just sounds right!)…or maybe the fact that we are essentially two very very different people…or maybe just the time. Whatever it is! I still feel majorly guilty everytime I have to say ‘no’ to her for anything. I feel terrible for not being able to speak as freely…feel like a pseudo at times…just want her to know it’s not that I care any less. Dunno how to explain. Let it be…moving on to the next one then!
Or maybe this should be it for now…more later!

2008-09-09T04:25:00.000-07:00

The pen is mightier than the sword. Sounds like a very righteous sentence…but maybe it isn't always that righteous.
Bribe, corruption, dishonesty…maybe these are not seen as bad things by everyone. Does that change how I see them? Do I feel foolish for holding on to certain ideals but also doing nothing to defend them? Am I questioning the efficacy of what I have always believed in? Yes…I am doing/feeling all of this. I'm wondering if I am a fool…or maybe just too naïve…someone who is no good at the worldly ways…someone who is too smart too be a simpleton, but too dumb to be street smart. Someone, who within her holds on to the dream of a free-of-malice-loving-pure-kind-just world, but deeper within, has this nagging doubt as to whether this belief is in fact disconnected from reality. What if it is? Is it such a bad thing to be delusional? Why does it upset me so much? And then again, why isn't it upsetting me enough!

...aur kabhi khud pe ro-ya!

2008-09-09T02:16:00.000-07:00

Na-na na na na
Na-na na na na...
kabhi khud pe hassa main
aur,
kabhi khud pe ro-ya!
I lurrrrrrrve that song! oh by the way i'm talking about 'pichle saat dino me' from RockOn!
Such mindless lyrics...totally not my type...but amazzzzing anyway!

my almost-accident

2008-07-31T03:39:00.000-07:00

I banged into a car today! Completely my fault. Not much damage...but I was shit scared!! It seemed right outta one of my worst nightmares - I hit an HR registration wali gadi through no fault of the other driver! In my defense, I thought that he had alredy taken the turn. I was inching towards left, all the while vigilantly looking at my right (and Nowhere else!)...and BAM! (okay, maybe it was just bam!)
Anyway, for a few long seconds I was totally frozen in my seat, almost expecting him to come over and stab me (i've got too much Delhi in my head)! And the first part did happen..that is, he did get down from his car and came over...but the rest was Totally unexpected! I aplogized as soon as he was within earshot (I was not going to get outta my car)...and kept doing so for a while. He just put up his hand in a saintly way and said, "Naye naye chalana seekhe ho?". The first thought that came to my head was, 'shit! been driving for almost a year now and this is what I put across to people?? Or is he being mean just b'coz i'm a woman??' However, I could just croak a meek 'yes' and he merely nodded understandingly and was off! Yes!! that's real!!! I can't even start describing the relief I felt! Leave alone killing me, he didn't even scream at me! I was all light headed and woozy for a bit...When he drove away, I finally got down to check what I had done to my car...Mujhe toh ek scratch bhi nahi dikha :D
And the best part is, in this city of mine where people are beaten to death for smaller offences, I felt utterly blessed! This just goes on to show that there are still nice people out there...and a tiny percentage are lucky enough to bang into their cars :) God bless that HR wala Alto-man!
P.s. Later papa told me that the bumper (or mudguard or watever the black thing in the front is called), had come off a bit! but who cares! at least he didn't kill me ;)

2008-07-24T01:05:00.000-07:00

i am d kinda person who loves to believe that things are as they appear...i would like nothing better than to accept things at face value and not analyze them AT ALL...(which often makes me wonder if i've chosen the right profession for myself...maybe not! but that's a different matter altogether!)...abhi ke liye, wat i'm tryin to say is that some things are better done randomly...as in, without giving it much thought....like watching a movie...Esply watching a movie!!

Brainwave! lol lol lol....abhi 1 bohot cheezzzzzzzy dialogue yaad aya..."Mohabbat zindagi ki tareh hai...har morh asaan nahi hota...lekin jab hum mushkilo mein zindagi ka saath nahi chhodte, toh mohabbat ka kyun chhode?" Similarly, movie watching is also like 'zindagi'...or 'mohabbat' if u please! its not necessary that u watch only good movies...and it's absolutely futile to judge a movie by someone else's opinion!
i miss watching random movies! :(

Aamir.

2008-07-20T05:34:00.000-07:00

First things first – Aamir is a brilliantly made movie. Very real type. I won’t say ‘believable’ ‘coz that would undermine its credibility…considering that I found Main Hoon Na and HAHK pretty believable too! So, it’s a Must Watch kinda film…at least for people who like the kinda movies that I do.
The intricacies of how the protagonist's mind works… his dilemma, his frustration… has been portrayed beautifully. Kudos to the actor and director!
As the movie progressed, I could not only feel for Aamir, but I often identified with his angst so completely that it felt like my own. For how long can one hold on to a lifelong baggage of beliefs when faced with such a situation? How does a person choose between life and death for his loved ones? How do you choose between You and the world? How do you decide if selfish is a better option than selfless? And what if selfless is in fact selfish?

There must be at least a few Aamirs in real life too...and that's scary. Makes me wonder, is being a non-radical Muslim in our country so difficult? Why do broadminded, tolerant people have to pay the price for the narrowmindedness of a fundamentalist few? It's really really sad!
The song that accompanies the credits at the end... "Ek Lau" is ... beyond words actually!

dhoop ke ujale si

os ke pyale si

khushiyan miley humko...

zyada manga hai kahan

sarhadein na ho jahan

duniya miley humko...

par khuda khair kar

iske armaan mein kyun

bewajeh ho koi qurbaan...

(And the rendition by Shilpa Rao is amazing...)

Is that too much to ask for?? When will we learn to live in peace? Or is violence so much a part of humans that being "human" takes a backseat?

Religion, God, faith...what are these? Are they doing us any good? Would we not be better off if these ‘social’ phenomenona were more personal than communal?? Would we not be much happier if God was personal...if each person could choose his own ishwar, allah or rabb...if no one had the authority to decide this for anyone else? Not in the name of religion...not in the name of anything!

Religion is something that man created to give structure to his unexplained experiences...but the convoluted sense in which most fanatics portray religion and religious beliefs is not just pathetic, but ridiculous!What I'm trying to say here is...let us practice 'to each his own'...let us Believe in whatever we want to with all our heart...but let us not force our beliefs on anyone...'coz that only undermines what we believe in. No?

why has anger become the default emotion for so many of us?

2008-07-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

"...Why are we angry all the time? And why do we get so angry over so little? It is normal to feel anger in some situations. Rage is resonable human response when our desires are thwarted and our needs unmet. But surely the level of anger should be proportionate to the provocation? But increasingly, that's not the case in our modern world. It seems to take the slightest thing to set us off on a homicidal rage. It's almost as if we are human time bombs, ticking over in quiet desperation and all it takes is the slightest nudge to make us explode. Is it that the frenetic pace of modern life has made us so demanding and impatient that we want everything and we want it now? Or have we developed such a huge sense of entitlement that we cannot bear to be thwarted? Or is it simply that we have turned into overgrown babies who can only cope with disappointment by throwing giant temper tantrums? In which case, perhaps it's not too late to grow up."
[Excerpt from HT Brunch, 29 June '08: 'All The Rage' by Seema Goswami]

the above lines are not mine...but i couldn't hav agreed more! wat is rong wid ppl these days??? y is every1 so touchy?! n so aggressive bout every lil thing?
it's as if everyone is rushing...and each one feels he is the be-all n end-all of everything that even a lil hint of this bubble bursting is taken as an offence...

training...

2008-06-25T21:42:00.000-07:00

training has been a tremendous learning experience....n it's only been just about a month...it hasn't been anything like i had expected....from day 1, no two days have been the same...i've gone from workless-for-hours to bone-tired and back to workless again. i've learnt a lot of things....things like what sections 376, 363, 302 etc of the IPC mean...things like ptsd and complex ptsd...like the hierarchy of dilli police...like office gossip n small group dynamics...like appreciating garam rotis even when i'm unable to identify the subzi...like acknowledging the fact that i've barely seen 15% of delhi and that there's a completely different world out there living in the stinkiest of conditions...like the fact that i have been immensely blessed all my life and the little things i take for granted are a luxury for a vast majority of people...that in the slums, the man to fly ratio is about 1:100...
Also, things like education or social status do nothing to one's mentality and that the most educated of people can have the most inhuman tendencies...that willpower is more than just a word...that some people have infinite levels of tolerance and some have subzero sense...that men can be the sickest of all living creatures...and that women are no less when it comes to cruelty...

i think i've learnt a lot...n i'm learning everyday...and the BEST feeling in the world, as in the Whole Wide World, is to be able to reach out to someone...to make someone feel that you care... i havn't met too many people...havn't see too many 'cases'...but from what i have seen, i can say that it's no easy thing! and till now, this is the best part of my work :)

2008-06-18T02:26:00.000-07:00

जादू सा है कुछ मुझमे / लगता है कभी कभी

जादू है हर जगह / पर दिखता है कभी कभी

Anticlimax

2008-05-29T01:51:00.000-07:00

Last night I slept with a nice uneasiness in my stomach. Nice coz finally I was going to start my summer training! Finally the uncertainty was over! But this was just the first step…there was so much more to come. My mind was filled with hopeful thoughts and weird apprehensions. What kinda work would I get? How would my supervisor be? Would I get along with my colleagues? What if they hated me? What if I make a complete fool of myself? Well, okay, more apprehensions than happy thoughts! With all kindsa worst case scenarios going through my head, I drifted off to sleep.
When the 6.30 alarm went off, I didn’t want the day to start…it was too early to be morning anyway!! I wished I was dreaming…I wished it was still yesterday…
Finally I got up at some time after seven. Then, maintaining a calm exterior, went about doing random stuff like drinking milk, reading the newspaper etc. Time proceeded at a pretty slow rate till about 9...when my mum called and asked me not to go b'coz of the gujjar agitation. I was like, already itna late ho chuka hai, I better start my training today! So i left home in good time...and for my parents' peace of mind (and my comfort) i let the driver drive. I took him by the longer route (and was chided for it too) coz that was the only way I knew. Office was to start at 10...and at 9.58 I had reached! :) The butterflies were fluttering no more. I felt an almost unreal sense of calm. And I was like, I can do this. Ofcourse I can! With a big smile on my face I asked driver bhaiya to come pick me at 5.
Had just started climbing up the stairs when my cell buzzed. It was Ranji wishin me luck for the first day and asking 'bout the marathi word for bridge. hehe...newaz, reply kar ke I climbed the bache huey 7-8 stairs...The door to the office was shut. Which wasn't unusual coz the first time I visited it was closed too. And considering I was almost before time, I was unfazed. Like a happy little child just about to get candy, I rang the bell and waited. For a minute there was no response. Maine socha andar jo bhi hai, loo gaya hoga...ya bell suni nahi hogi. So I counted from 1 to 8 and back to 1 (That's my "ideal" time gap for trying again....it works for most things...like redialling a number or retrying connecting to gtalk or in this case, re-ringing the bell)...I rang again. Still no response. Well, maybe the people are late coz of the jams due to the gujjar strike...though I hadn't come across any! I thought I would just wait till someone turned up. And whoever it was that turned up would be mighty impressed seeeing a a newcomer reaching before time! Now that would be coooool! :D There would be talk of how I braved the threat of strike and violence and displayed rare courage and dedication to reach my workplace. I would be the star trainee...I would.... ok...I was overdoing it. And it was already 15 past ten...I couldn't just wait for things to happen. I had to be "pro active"! (for some reason that seemed like such an impressive thought!) So, proactively I called up friends and family to get hold of a number on which I could call up and enquire. All this while I was still secretly fantasizing bout someone turning up and discovering my dedication...But I guess that's not how it meant to be! I found out that the office was to remain closed for the day!! Mothers are always right its said. Well what can I say? Well said??? Then called up driver bhaiyya and waited for him to get back :( The time he took to reach me was duly utilized in calling up various ppl n cribbing about my state... ;)

So that's how my first day of training was...or rather wasn't! I felt kinda foolish...but hey! an unexpected holiday isn't something I can ever complain about!! :)
Hope it finally starts tomorrow!!! Fingers crossed! {I'd told shilpa n svetty that in any given situation, if I imagined a number of outcomes, un sab se hatke hi kuch hota hai...reinforced again! :P }